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No more counting...

Useless Dane Xavier

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The scene opens in front of large open vault where one man sits at a table writing down figures, let's call this man Nigel. Another man is inside moving money from one gigantic pile to another pile, let's call this man Sam. It seems as though they are counting the money as Sam wipes the sweat from his brow before turning to Nigel.


Sam: I just can't figure out how Dane's money could have gone missing. There's no way it could have been stolen like it was when he was going to buy Casey Paine's services for the night.

Nigel: Yes, it's very irritating. We've been counting this money for almost a month now and we've only counted it one and barely a half times! I hope we see some this money as a bonus in our pay checks.


Sam begins moving money again while Nigel monitors and writes down the figures.


Sam: Why do I have to do all the work? You're just sitting there!


Nigel: I'm crunching numbers, this is very tedious work!


Sam: But you ALWAYS crunch the numbers!


Nigel: That's because I have a college degree and you're just stupid.

Sam glares at Nigel and goes at him, but then Dane enters the scene and he stops in his tracks. Dane looks at Sam, then at Nigel, then back at Sam.


Dane $ Xavier: What the hell is going on here? Why aren't you two working?


Sam: I was just--


Dane $ Xavier: You're milking the clock aren't you? I thought you two were a little more reliable than that!


Sam: Really, we were just--


Nigel: I apologize Dane, it's my fault. I antagonized the ol' pea brain. We've just been working for hours on end and nothing is being resolved! It's driving us stir crazy!

Dane $ Xavier: I don't pay you guys to fight, that's MY job!


Dane looks over the two average sized men who cower pathetically from Dane's anger. Dane takes in a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves.


Dane $ Xavier: You know what, I'm feeling a little generous today, so I'm going to go inside to take a look around for myself.

Dane begins walking toward the vault.


Dane $ Xavier: If you want something done right, you've got to do it yourself... or hire better workers!


Dane goes inside the vault and looks around.


Dane $ Xavier: Man, I have a lot more money than I did when I first came in here.


Dane continues to look over his... earnings. He seems to be growing annoyed.


Dane $ Xavier: I just don't get how money keeps disappearing! This place is secured around the clock, no one without permission can get in... wait a minute.


Dane spots a pile of money in the corner of the vault, but this is no ordinary pile.


Dane $ Xavier: Is there any reason why that pile is shaped like a small house?


Sam: We thought you did that, and who are we to question it? We left it alone.


Dane storms over to the small house built out of money and begins pushing it down. The entire thing collapses and something underneath beings to emerge from it. It's Justin Rockstar with a ziplock bag full of some sort of white powdery stuff.


Justin Rockstar: Oh... hey there... boss...


Dane folds his arms and stares a hole into Rockstar. He turns around and looks at Sam and Nigel who stand dumbfounded.


Dane $ Xavier: Mind telling me how he got in here?


Nigel: He said he was the custodian, and that his office was through the vault... oh...


Sam elbows Nigel in the ribs.


Sam: I told you there was something fishy about that!


Dane face palms.


Dane $ Xavier: You guys are worse at connecting dots than Adam Mikely. This should have been child's play for you Mr. college degree, and I'd expect a dumbass like you Sam, to at least be able to figure out that there's no such thing as a custodian's office through a vault!


Nigel: Well...


Sam: Uh...


Dane $ Xavier: Save it, I'll deal with the two of you later.


Dane turns to Rockstar who has his face buried in the bag of white powdery stuff. Dane clears his throat and it gets the attention of Rockstar, who pulls his face out of the bag and smiles with power all over his face.


Dane $ Xavier: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't fire you right now. Shouldn't you be working on my new video?

Rockstar reaches into the pile of money and pulls out a Mac Book Pro.


Justin Rockstar: I'm on top of it!

Dane begins taping his foot impatiently.


Justin Rockstar: And... I just came in here for inspiration, I figured the smell of money was just the thing to get the creative juices flowing!


Dane $ Xavier: I don't see how you can smell anything with all that stuff crammed up your nose.


Dane looks at the bag in Rockstar's hand.

Dane $ Xavier: That's an awful lot of product you've got there, must have cost you a fortune. How were you able to pay for it? You don't wrestle enough to be able to afford it, and I know I sure as hell don't pay you enough.


Sam and Nigel can be heard snickering in the background. Justin Rockstar sighs.


Justin Rockstar: I'll be honest... I used some of your money... But I just can't help it man!


Justin hugs his bag of powder like a teddy bear.


Justin Rockstar: I'm just so in love with Angie!


Dane $ Xavier: Exactly what I thought.


Dane begins pacing, seemingly deep in thought.


Dane $ Xavier: I don't want to fire you because you're an excellent Digital Artist, and I know that all those drugs in your system make you do things that a sober person wouldn't do, so I'm going to let you off the hook on one condition. You go to Riot this week... no scratch that, I need my money back sooner than that. You go to Ambition this week, get yourself in a match and get a paycheck. Once you've received the money, you bring it directly to me!


Justin stops hugging his... teddy bear.


Justin Rockstar: And what if I don't?


Dane $ Xavier: If you don't? I don't care how good of a Digital Artist you are, I'll fire you and make sure you never wrestle a match again, or never get booked in another gig! You know I have the power Justin, just look at what I did to Nathan Gaines. I paid off a doctor to put him on the injured list indefinitely and he hasn't been seen since.


Justin Rockstar: Alright alright fine, I'll do it.


Justin stumbles out of the pile of money and looks at Dane as he passes him.


Justin Rockstar: I'll see you Sunday after I've won my match... something you can't seem to do anymore.


Justin continues walking as Dane's face begins turning red in anger. The Rockstar looks at Sam and Nigel with a smile.


Justin Rockstar: Everything here is ship-shape gentlemen! Good day!


Justin tips his invisible hat to Nigel and Sam and exits the scene.


Nigel: Wow, he's got balls... how does he do it?


Dane $ Xavier: *sigh* Angie is a mean mean girl... or so I've heard...


The scene fades on the three men who were just served by one strung out druggie.

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