It's A Beautiful Morning

[Gentleman Jack]

Our scene opens inside Jack's so godawefully depressing motel room. The shades are pulled tight with just enough light to make the contents of the room visible. On his nightstand we see an assortment of pill and liqueur bottles. Please don't try this at home folks. Mixing narcotics and alcohol is deadly. Jack is a trained professional and under no immediate danger. Though in twenty years he's shit out of luck. We see the top of Jack's head peering out from the covers as we hear a knock on the door.

 

Jack: Go away....

 

Knock knock knock

 

Jack: Go away damnit! I dont want anything! Don't you see the do not disturb sign?

 

Knock knock knock

 

Jack: Vete! No quiero que mi habitación se limpian puta mexicana!

 

Barry through the door: I'm not a Mexican whore! Open the door Jack!

 

Jack: Ugh....

 

Jack slowly gets out of bed, drinking the sad remains of a beer on the table. As he stands we come to the horrid realization that he's wearing nothing but tighty whiteys.

 

Jack: Good morning world...

 

Jack stumbles to the door to let in Barry. As he opens it the sun immediately blinds him.

 

Jack: Jesus Barry get in here and close the damn door behind you! My head is killing me.

 

Barry looks around the room, taking in last night's assumed debauchery.

 

Barry: Jack, what happened here? No wonder your head hurts. This place looks like Majin had a hardcore match in it. How much did you drink? How many pills did you take?

 

Jack: Drink? Pills? That's what I used to try to kill the headache man! This is all from Bray Mediterranean Asshole with two S's Spur. He beat the horse piss out of me Barry. I think he may have concussed me!

 

Barry: Jeez, you want me to take you to a doctor?

 

Jack: Doctor?! Are you crazy??? I'm not letting those savages near me! I'll be fine, I just need a bit of the good medicine.

 

Barry: I really don't think you should...

 

Jack: Oh, so now besides being an unlicensed lawyer, you're also an unlicensed doctor?

 

Barry: Look Jack, all I'm saying is, you're a professional athlete now. You really shouldn't be doing Amyl Nitrate. That's all I'm getting at.

 

Jack: You hypocrite... How could you do this to me? Me? Of all people???

 

Barry: Look, first and foremost I'm your trainer now. We can't have you hooked on poppers kid.

 

Jack: Yeah about that, who named you my trainer anyway? We never had this discussion. You were too busy trying to hit me with 2x4's.

 

Barry: Look kid, I know the fight game. C'mon, I got you booked on Unleashed didn't I?

 

Jack: Lot of good that did me. They fed me to the wolves Barry! They put me in the ring with one of the top five most dangerous athletes on Turmoil! What the hell man? Did they want to see me die?

 

Barry: It wasn't like that! They thought you could fight! I told em you could! That's what I'm saying Jack, you need me.

 

Jack: So it was your fault I got fed to that savage animal! Thanks a lot Barry!

 

Barry: A booking is a booking. Besides kid, that's all in the past now. On to bigger and better things! Turmoil this week! You and Big Ed, one on one in the middle of the squared circle! Just think of it kid, it's gonna be great!

 

Jack: Now I get it, you took the last of the poppers didn't you? That's why you won't give me any. You must have shoved every last one of them up your fat little face didn't you? That's the only reasonable explanation I can come up with if you think putting me in the ring with Big freakin Ed is gonna be “great”.

 

Barry: I may have indulged a little on the way over here but that's not the point.

 

Jack: Oh yeah, well what is the point?!

 

Barry: The point is, we gotta get you ready. This is Turmoil we're talking about kid. This is the big leagues. And Big Ed, they don't get much bigger.

 

Jack: Wait, how exactly big is Big Ed anyway? Like 6'6? 6'7?

 

Barry: A little bigger... But we don't need to worry about that right now. What we...

 

Jack: Wait, what do you mean a little bigger? Like 6'10?

 

Barry Sighingly: He's just a monster kid. Pure and simple, he's walking death...

 

Jack: Way to lift my spirits and inspire confidence coach. So what do I do?

 

Barry: Well kid that's what I've been thinking about and I may have a plan. A way better plan than the one we used on ol steel spur jingo jango back there.

 

Jack: Wait... Jingo, jango? Is that racist?

 

Barry: Jingo, jango? Nah, that's not racist.

 

Jack: Are you sure? I didn't care for the tone.

 

Barry: I mean, I don't think its racist.

 

Jack: I dunno... Sounded questionable to me man.

 

Barry: It can't be! Wait... Is it?

 

Jack: I dunno, let's just tip toe out of that mine field for now. So ok, hopefully non racist trainer, what's this great plan of yours?

 

Barry: You kiss his ass.

 

Jack: What?

 

Barry: Kiss his ass Jack. Suck up to him, plead for your life.

 

Jack: Now I know you're high!

 

Barry: Think about it kid! It worked on Tank didn't it? He hasn't murdered you yet!

 

Jack: That's because we've never even been in the same room. Thats like saying Jaws won't eat me if I send it flowers. It doesn't make sense!

 

Barry: But what if it did make sense? Huh? Did you ever see it that way?

 

Jack: I guess not... There's seriously no more Amyl Nitrate is there?

 

Barry: Not a one.

 

Jack: So we kiss his ass?

 

Barry: Pucker up kid.

 

Jack: You know you're the worst trainer ever don't you?

 

Barry: You know anybody else lining up for the job?

 

Jack: Alright, fine, how do I kiss his ass?

 

Barry: Well, he is a biker. Prostitutes and drugs?

 

Jack: Prostitutes and drugs.

 

Our scene closes with our two conniving friends trying to find a way to buy Jack's very life. Will Ed let Jack off easy? Or will the mammoth brute leave Jack a greasy puddle? Stay tuned to the promo room this week to find out! And don't forget to watch Gentleman Jack make his Turmoil debut this Thursday!

[Big Ed]

"why can't we be friends?"