Summercide Aftermath: A Sad Day for America...

The scene opens with an intrepid OCW cameraman slowly making his way through the entrance to Cort Marshall's trailer park fortress. From inside, a muffled mix of tv ads and sobbing can be heard. There's stuff scattered all over the floor; from sports memorabilia to empty bottles of cheap booze. There's even a framed picture of the American Ninja Warrior cast. That's weirdly specific. The place is a mess. The cameraman tries to gingerly step between the Big Mac wrappers so as not to be heard... Americans are volatile when startled. He makes his way to the living room, as the sound grows louder. Peeking through the doorframe, the viewers are treated to a sorry sight.

Cort Marshall is on the couch, buried under a giant beach towel with an eagle design. In one hand is a bowl of popcorn covered in... is that ketchup? Ew. In the other is a minifigure from the LEGO ™ Benghazi playset, and pieces of a My Little Insurgent: Dream Bunker toy are all over the floor in front of him. At least three guns are haphazardly scattered on the couch as well. The TV is blaring ads for fakey cutlery, “helpful” objects designed for the severely handicapped, and Cash 4 Gold pyramid scams under the name “Global Farce Wrestling.” A long-forgotten failed OCW competitor, no doubt. Cort is stuffing the popcorn into his mouth while snivelling.

Cort: It's not FAIR, is it? He... the ref was bought! It was a plot! All along! A conspiracy by the liberal communists to destroy America... H2O was just the latest in the reptilian play for world domination! I bet he's secretly yiddish! Isn't that right Commander Biceps?

He places the toy soldier on one arm of the couch and pats him on the head.

Cort: You're not like the rest of them, sport. You always fight the good fight. Remember episode 78, when you and Corporal Snatchblaster had to fight the Vietnamese T-Rex Riders? My life is just like that. But harder.

The cameraman leans in to get a better look. Cort still hasn't noticed him.

Suddenly, the phone rings. Cort reaches his free hand over to stab a button on the base, knocking over Commander Biceps in the process. The phone is on speaker.

Cort: Is this about my Super Duper Almond Slicer for only $9.99? If it isn't, leave me alone.

A crackly but familiar voice on the other end laughs.

???: Not quite. But I do have an offer you might find... lucrative.

At this point the cameraman shifts on his feet, and crunches the remains of a 9/11 commemorative snowglobe under his shoe. Cort's head snaps to the doorway, catching the cameraman red-handed. He shoots up off the couch, revealing that he's wearing George W. Bush branded pyjama bottoms and a dirty wife-beater.

Cort: IT TAKES ME 5 SECONDS TO LOAD MY SHOTGUN, BOY, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO GET OUT.

The cameraman turns and runs back out of the trailer, hurriedly opening the door of his car and throwing the camera into the passenger seat. The last images from the video you see are his hand slamming the shifter into reverse.