The Bubba Halloween Special

[Drago Cesar]

It's a dark, spooky night in the streets of New York City. The street lights are flickering and there aren't any cars coming through the driveway. We take a look inside Drago's dojo as we see our hunter lying on a couch with a wildlife magazine draped over his face. We hear a rumbling going on in the next room over.

 

Drago (mumbling): ....Need help?

 

A growl is heard from the other side. Drago continues to doze off. However, this slumber is interrupted by the sound of the front door swinging open followed by rapid footsteps coming his direction. The dark figure hops over Drago's couch and crouches near him. The hunter blinks for a few seconds, looking at the figure closer; The attire is clearly reminiscent of a certain Caped Crusader. Drago sighs as he realizes who is about to speak to him, in a deep, gruff, and quite frankly incomprehensible voice.

 

Batgen: Dragowakeup.

 

Drago: ...What?

 

Batgen: Areyougoingtotheanniversaryshow?

 

Drago: S-Slow down!

 

Batgen gets in Drago's face and starts yelling.

 

Batgen: YOUSHOULDGOTOTHEANNIVERSARYSHOWANDSUPPORTMEBECAUSEYOUAREMYBESTFRIENDANDI'MGOINGTOWINTHETITLE

 

Drago wipes his face with his hands.

 

Drago: Anniversary Show? Yeah sure why not?

 

Drago opens his eyes again to find that Batgen is gone without a trace. The hunter looks around, trying to find Batgen but he's interrupted by the sound of a door opening and Bubba moving towards him, decked out in a blue rabbit costume with huge ears.

 

Drago: Bubba Hare huh?

 

Bubba nods. He grunts and brushes his head up against Drago.

 

Drago: I'm not really do Halloween. Don't have costume.

 

Bubba points something out on one of the walls, an artifact from season past thought to be long gone; The fabled Mask of Bones! Drago steps closer and admires its beauty.

 

Drago: I dunno. Maybe this thing have magic power. Who knows what this mask have to endure for all these years? Well, is no hurt to try I guess.

 

Drago pulls the mask towards him and makes the mistake of catching a whiff of it. He gags, dropping the mask and coughing, his face turning red. We then cut to Drago taking a garden hose and spraying the mask with water, scrubbing it down, watching it as it's being tossed around in a washing machine, and finally spraying some fragrance on it for good measure. Drago finally dons the mask.

 

Drago: Finally is no smell like ass.

 

Drago and Bubba Hare take to the streets and start Trick or Treating, with Bubba holding a pumpkin basket in his mouth. They walk over to a neighboring house and knock on the front door. The door slowly opens to reveal an aging woman with gray hair, wrinkles all over her face, and tiny glasses.

 

Drago: Uh. Trick? Treat? Yes, please give treat.

 

The old woman crouches over and pets Bubba, squeezing his cheeks.

 

Woman: Oh, how adorable he is! How old is your son?

 

Drago is taken aback by the question.

 

Drago: UH.....

 

Woman: I'll go get some treats for you.

 

The woman hobbles inside as Drago and Bubba look at each other awkwardly. Drago looks to be in deep thought for a little while until the woman comes back and puts some candy in Bubba's basket.

 

Woman: Now you boys have a safe Halloween.

 

Drago: ...Thanks.

 

The pair start to walk over to the next house until they notice that something's off. They look down the street to see a group of zombies shuffling towards them. Drago looks down at Bubba, who drops the basket.

 

Drago: Probably some people in costume.

 

However, the zombies keep power walking in their direction. Bubba whimpers as Drago looks at what's ahead of them.

 

Drago: Maybe is not really costume....

 

One of the zombies gets close to Drago and tries to bite him in the neck, but the hunter elbows the zombie, sending it to the ground. The other zombies stop and look at what's going on, but seem to begrudingly still go after Drago and Bubba. The lion jumps at one of the zombies and tackles him to the ground as Drago grabs one of the zombies by the legs and spins him around for a giant swing, knocking back the rest of the zombies in the process. Drago lets go of the zombie's legs as he is interrupted by a voice saying "Cut!" Drago and Bubba look around confused as the "zombies" struggle to recover. They see a man with a megaphone come out. The man looks to be....fairly rotund, as if his best days were clearly behind him. He is wearing what looks to be an all black kung fu attire. He walks up to Drago and pats him on the shoulder.

 

Director: Now that was a work of art! You know that I was supposed to be the one running around, beating up all these zombies? But then I saw you and your cat friend and I figured you could be our next great action star. Your military and wrestling experience make you a natural!

 

Drago: This...was all movie?

 

Director: Of course! We had to make all these stuntmen look legit for the cameras. It always looks better when the hits actually connect.

 

Drago: ...If you say so.

 

The director hands him a script and Drago flips through it.

 

Director: That, my Serbian friend, is the greatest script I've ever read.

 

Drago: Oh? Who write?

 

The director closes in on Drago and whispers in his ear.

 

Director: I did.

 

Drago stands there in confusion as the director continues.

 

Director: Having you be part of our project could get us some great publicity....and cash. You do the scenes, I, uh, we.......make money.

 

Drago looks at him and shakes his head.

 

Director: Don't believe me? Here, I'll show you an ancient martial arts technique that my master in Japan taught me when I was a teenager.

 

Drago: You raise in Japan? Thought you born around here in the New York.

 

Director: No, no, no. That's fake news. Anyways, let me show you something. I want you to take that net you have there and throw it at me. I guarantee you...I will not pass out.

 

Drago: You sure?

 

Director: Absolutely. Then I can say that I taught you how to use that thing.

 

Drago: What?

 

Director: Just toss the damn thing at me.

 

Drago reluctantly removes The Net from his pocket and sighs before tossing it at the director. The Net drapes over his face and we see that he's turning many shades of red.....Before he drops to the ground unconscious. Drago looks over and sees that the director may have....released something as he passed out. Drago coughs and covers his nose.

 

Drago: Maybe next time.

 

Drago and Bubba walk away as we cut to another part of town, where there seems to be a party going on inside a large house to celebrate the frightful festivities. A crowd has formed around a certain room, and we can see Johnny Law, dressed in his usual attire. He's sitting down as his arms appear to be bound by something invisible. Meanwhile Dragana, dressed as a mime, is using an invisible rope to tie Johnny. She finishes up and waves to the crowd as they pop.

 

Johnny (mumbling): Good thing I didn't have to buy an actual costume.

 

Dragana turns and winks at him as we fade to black.