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New Year, New Enemies


Valkyrie

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Valkyrie is on the phone with her mysterious friend.

 

???: So…did you really bet on Kassidy Hayes at Devil’s Night?

 

Valkyrie: Yes, I did.

 

???: These Kasstians kidnapped you, brainwashed you and tried to murder you on multiple different occasions and right when your only ally, Harvey, was about to face their leader, you bet against him?

 

Valkyrie: You are making it sound like a terrible thing when it really isn’t… I needed money, alright? Money for… for charity!

 

Valkyrie: That’s right! For charity!

 

???: Last time I checked, Off-White wasn’t a nonprofit organization...

 

Valkyrie: Hey! I’ve always been honest about what I do with my money…

 

Valkyrie: Half of my paychecks fund that Save-the-Whales charity thingy… the other half, fund my never ending addiction to overpriced hoodies.

 

Her friend is now giggling

 

???: See? You might fool those idiots in the crowd, but you will never fool me. I know you. I know you better than anyone else.

 

Valkyrie: That’s why I love you…

 

Valkyrie: ...as a friend, I mean.

 

There’s an awkward pause

 

???: Are you friendzoning me right now? That’s rude! I was planning our honeymoon!

 

Valkyrie: Wait my boss is calling me… I have to pick this up. I’ll talk to you later.

 

Valkyrie picks up the call

 

Valkyrie: Good evening, boss.

 

Our Hero: Valk, you have to hear me out. I have some good news and some bad news.

 

Valkyrie: Let’s start with the good news…

 

Our Hero: Great! You always complain about not having friends and being alone and so on… right?

 

Valkyrie: Actually I don’t. I’m good by myself.

 

Our Hero: Wrong answer! Try again.

 

Valkyrie: Sorry, boss. It was a slip of tongue. I mean I desperately need some new friends... or something like that…

 

Our Hero: That’s what I want to hear!

 

Our Hero: The good news is that I’ve found the perfect friend for you… a perfect match, 100% guaranteed.

 

Our Hero: From this moment on you two will be living under the same roof. You will be roommates!

 

Valkyrie sighs, as she knows already there’s going to be a catch.

 

Valkyrie: And the bad news?

 

Our Hero: That person is…

 

Our Hero: … Ashley Moore.

 

Valkyrie headbutts the wall out of frustration.

 

Our Hero: I’m sure that’s the sound of a happy person who just made a new friend!

Valkyrie: Are you kidding me, boss? I hate that bitch.

 

Valkyrie: I swear, she is the most annoying person I’ve ever met in OCW. You can’t do this to me!

 

Our Hero: She is homeless right now and I cannot let my talents live on the streets!

 

Our Hero: Look at it this way: you are either going to find yourself a new tag partner and potential best friend...

 

Our Hero: ...or you two will end up gutting each other inside of a steel cage! Either options are entertaining. I don’t care!

 

Our Hero: Just make it work!

 

Valkyrie does the military salute with her free hand, even though Our Hero can’t see her doing it

 

Valkyrie: Roger that, boss!

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