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New Year, New P3 Bonanza

Drago Cesar

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We turn to what looks to be the P3 soundstage. However, the lights are dimmed and the only light we see is a spotlight shining on Mugen and Drago. The audience claps before the pair settle them down.


Mugen: Ladies and gentlemen…


Drago: Especially lady.


Mugen: Tonight’s episode of the P3 Bonanza is a very special episode, seeing as how it falls just after Ladies Night, and the New Year!


Drago: We respect women!


Mugen: And we love wrestling! So to celebrate, we’re going t-


Suddenly, an off-screen figure snaps their fingers and the pair start to fade away.


Drago: Mr. Living Legend Larry Mugen, I’m don’t feel so good!


Mugen: OH NO!




Mugen and Drago eventually fade into dust. “Fred Durst” is shown with his mouth agape in shock. The off-screen figure enters the hard camera and the spotlight shines on none other than Molly, the Queen of Kindness.


Molly: Good evening to you all. Our producers have figured that you, the audience, are tired of watching some “abstract art” show. What you, more importantly, what WE want is a show that is easily digestible and sane. Therefore, the NEW P3 Bonanza will be hosted by yours truly, Molly.


The lights come on again and she goes to take a seat behind Mugen’s desk. A large screen appears right next to her.


“Fred Durst”: Yo, this is bulls***.


Bubba appears from behind the couch and he sticks his tongue out.




Molly: Quiet, you.


Molly: Ladies Night was a captivating show that left some of our roster satisfied and some devastated. We had our news correspondent go backstage with more.


The television screen transitions to Dragana backstage, looking confused while holding a mic. Sounds of crying are heard from off-screen.




The Women’s Champion looks around and awkwardly walks up to Terra Daturas, who happens to be in a ball on the ground, mourning at the death of her flowers. Dragana looks at the screen, shaking her head.


Molly: Dragana, ask her about the flowers.


Dragana spreads her arms in confusion, wondering what to do.


Molly starts clapping with each syllable of her sentence.


Molly: The. (CLAP) Flowers. (CLAP) Ask. (CLAP) Her. (CLAP) About. (CLAP) The. (CLAP) Flowers.


The Silent Queen grits her teeth and gets down to a knee, holding the mic up to Terra’s face.


Terra: Mater Natura…..Why would this happen?


Terra turns to Dragana, taking note of the mic and the camera.


She looks around confused.


Terra: Ms. Dragana?


Terra looks up at Dragana with wide sad eyes… but before she can finish her question, she hides her face from embarrassment in her arms, which are resting on her shaky knees.


Dragana quietly observes the OCW newcomer who was kind to her just weeks earlier. She holds the microphone up to her balled up body unnervingly.




Terra: Nobody wants me to be here…


Terra’s words are muffled through her shaky voice and arms, which her head is buried in.


Terra: Totius solus…


Molly: Ugh. This is going nowhere…


Molly crosses her arms and rolls her eyes. She stands up from her seat.


Molly: Maybe if I scream into her ear, she’ll finally get the point.




Dragana: Ah!


A startled Dragana throws down her earpiece and clutches her ear.




The Women’s Champion tosses the earpiece to the other side of the hallway and she looks back at Terra. She reaches in her coat for something and pulls out a large pink flower; the same one Terra handed to her weeks ago. She puts down her mic and places her hand on Terra’s shoulder. Terra lifts her head up and sees the Azalea in Dragana’s hand.


Terra sits stunned and lets out a small laugh through her sobbing.


Terra: You kept the Azalea!


Terra takes the pink flower from her hand and holds it between her hands. She wipes the tears from her face and stands back to her feet. Sounds of shouting can be faintly heard from the earpiece on the other side of the hall.


Terra: Thank you. You’re right… I shouldn’t lose hope. There are kind people here.


Terra smiles through her red, embarrassed face at The Silent Queen, who smiles back and nods.


The enthused OCW newcomer peers over to the camera before looking embarrassed again and scurrying away down the hall as the camera focuses once again on the women’s champion.




We turn back to an irritated Molly.


Molly: Well that was a waste of time.


She turns toward another camera.


Molly: Violence and brutality at the main event of Ladies Night. Valkyrie summoning…


She drones on as Bubba climbs up on top of the desk and has himself a nice nap on top of the desk, obscuring Molly from the camera’s view.


Molly: I did NOT get my journalism degree so you can ruin it! I also didn't suffer through years of being Jessica REEEE Jessie's roommate just to be usurped by The King of The Jungle!


She tries to move the lion out of the way, but as he is a very large cat, her attempts are ineffective. She stands up from her seat.


Molly: That’s it!


“Fred Durst”: Where my boys at?


Suddenly….A pair of voices can be heard simultaneously.




The camera pans over to reveal Mugen and Drago blasting the entire set with what look to be dual finger Uzis. “Fred Durst” looks on with bliss in his eyes. Both Drago and Mugen go into slow motion as they do the reloading of their invisible guns slowly.


“Fred Durst”: My homies!!!


As Mugen and Drago finish reloading, “Fred” notices the invisible finger bullets coming towards him. He clutches his chest as if he’s been shot and he falls over in slow motion going “noooooooo”. Most of the audience falls over from being shot as well, also in slow motion.




They drop their finger guns and walk to the stage.


Molly: You….But how???


Drago: EXPECT.




“Fred” is heard yelling off camera as he suddenly comes into view and jumps through Molly's desk.



  • Mark Out! 8




"Roll 20 for initiative, you cuck" - Mr. Sensation

"I don't have a brain" - Tiberius Dupree

"4 os a gppd cp,[ro,ose" - Mr. Sensation

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