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Cosmic Trash: The Sonnening


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.::Part One::.


We pan into a decimated city scape, as the camera moves we zoom past burnt out cars and debris.


The camera finally settled on a figure laid out in the middle of the battle scarred street.


The figure stirs and slowly gets up, we see that the previously unknown figure is The Spider Ryu Matsumoto.


It's not the Scarlet Spider or the Sensational Spider, but it's the Trash Spider who has been travelling the timelines with the Trash Splitters.


We see him look around as the horrors of this hellscape become evident. We see the Delorean crashed and lodged into the building to his right.


All around him, strewn in the street, hanging out of the burnt out car and building windows are the remains of various alternate universe Duprees, Mugens and Spiders.


RYU: to himself What the fuck happened here?


He waits for a moment, as if absentmindedly anticipating a witty remark from Mugen or a snide insult from Dupree, but it never comes.


He is Alone...




The camera pans back to Spider navigating the dilapidated cityscape. At times we see him climbing over debris, other times crawling through the wrecks of large vehicles.


Eventually he sees a complex in the distance. Although he can’t make it out clearly through the haze of the city’s destruction, he can see that the complex is made up of multiple structures.


RYU: Well that’s a place isn’t it.


Ryu presses forward toward towards the complex in the hopes of finding some form of life.




We pan back into Spider who has finally made it to what seems to be a clearing in the city.


There is a clear line, where the asphalt and concrete ends and grass begins.


Spider looks out and sees the massive complex, there is a massive temple at the center. With massive statues and towers surrounding it.


Each Statue has the face of Papa Kass. The temple itself is adorned with carvings of Kass and mosaics of his various accomplishments.


RYU: Well shit


Spider makes his way towards the entrance of the temple stepping over and past the hundreds of Kasstians worshiping at the Temple grounds




Spider finally reaches the entrance of the Temple. The entrance is a flight of stairs flanked by two pillars made of what looked to be a rusted metal inlaid with polished quartz.


Spider steps through the pillars and begins ascending the steps.


There are various mosaics on both sides of the stairway illustrating the legend of Papa Kass as he climbs.


The first shows him doing battle with a golden figure near a ladder.


Another depicts a spider casting bats out of Kass’ body.


One depicts the formation of the Kasstian church, with Papa Kass dawning the face paint for the first time.


Another one shows him holding a championship over his head with a racist depiction of an asian person on the ground.


There is one showing a figure stealing the championship and diving into a body of water.


As he climbs the mosaics become stranger, we see a depiction of Kasstians dressed in military uniforms going to war with soldiers.


Another shows Papa Kass sitting on a bloody throne, ruins surround him and the throne.


He finally reaches a gilded door at the top of the stairs. He pushes them open and walks through.




He steps into a vast atrium. At the center of the atrium there is a floating platform hovering about 9 feet off the ground. Sitting in the center of the Platform is a throne.


The throne itself sits atop a smaller platform with six steps leading up to it. Each step is flanked on either side by statues of “angels” cast in silver.


These angels look horrifically malformed, malevolent looking, more gargoyle than angel. The only distinction being the feathered wings as opposed to webbed.


At the top of the steps is the throne. Carved of Obsidian and gilded in Silver and Rubies. Sitting on the Throne is Papa Kass himself.


Papa Kass is dressed in Ceremonial Robes with an ornate crown atop his head.


Godking Kass: Ryu, you have returned from your travels, were you successful?


Ryu looks left and right, as if expecting someone to give him the answer Kassidy is looking for


RYU: Ummmmmm… yes?


Godking Kass scowls, angerly, realizing this is not the Spider he was expecting, before he can act, there is a flash of Golden light, and Spider disappears




Spider stands up and looks around, he’s standing in a white void. In front of him is a formless golden light.


RYU: Ummm, hi?


The formless golden light begins shifting and swirling, it then begins speaking in many voices, one voice is very familiar to Spider


Light: I am Betterness Eternal, and what you have just seen is a future that must not be.


RYU: I don’t think that's how timelines work…


There is a long pause, Ryu is awkwardly staring at the formless light


Light: Shut Up Trash


Light:: You must go back in time and prevent this timeline, you must eliminate Kass.


RYU: Yeah… about that. The Delorean got smashed somehow, so… that's not gunna work.


Light: There are other ways to travel timelines, especially when two great forces combine.


RYU: I don’t like the sound of…


Before he can finish part of the light shoots off at Spider. He levitates in the air as it surrounds him, his eyes and mouth start glowing.


There is a flash.


Spider lands back on the ground, his eyes are now golden with the power of Betterness.


The light now speaks to him in his own voice.


Light: You are now your Timeline’s Betterness. And with the Trash and Better forces together you should have enough power to travel the timelines.


RYU: Gross, well I guess I’m off on another adventure through time.


Ryu snaps his fingers and a rectangular portal appears in front of him, he steps through to go to his destination




Spider steps out of the other side of the portal and into what appears to be a childs nursery.


Spider looks around, the nursery, it's your fairly average boys nursery, sickeningly blue.


The only distinctive feature is the rainbow colored name across the wall, the baby’s name.


“A L D U B E R T O”


Spider walks up to the Crib and looks into it to see a grumpy looking toddler, no older than three.


The toddler somehow has Kassidy’s signature haircut, complete with the blonde streak, tied up in a small bun.


Light: Now is your chance! He’s defenseless!


Spider reaches into the crib and picks up the toddler. He holds it in front of him by the armpits.


Spider looks at it as the child wakes up and looks at him, yawning.


RYU: God dammit, I can’t do this.


Light: YOU MUST!


RYU: Must deez.


RYU: You aren’t gunna destroy the world right?


Baby Kass: Nnnnnnnno!


RYU: See?


Light: Are you being serious right now?!


RYU: See I have a better solution to this, I’ll just teach him to not be awful.


RYU: It’ll be fine!


A golden baby carrier forms on Ryu’s chest, he slides Baby Kass in as a portal forms in front of him.


Light: This is a terrible idea


RYU: It’ll be FINE!


Ryu steps through with Baby Kass




We pan into a bar, its filled with various creatures and aliens sitting at tables eating, playing card games, and watching holograms.


We move past all of them to the bar, where Spider and Kass are sitting at the bar.


The Bartender is a yellow lady with green hair and four arms.


Bartender: What are you guys drinking?


RYU: Two beers, I guess.


Baby Kass: Nnnnnnoooooo!


The bartender stares at Baby Kass for a few seconds


The Bartender walks away to get the drinks


Light: What am I? Chopped Betterness?


The Bartender returns and places the two beers in front of Spider, who then slides one over to Kass


RYU: All right kiddo, so where was I…


RYU: You’re gunna grow up into a crazy cosmic serial killer.


Baby Kass: What’s a serial killer?


RYU: errrm, that wasn’t a good way to phrase it… like a mass murderer.


Baby Kass: What’s a mass murderer?


RYU: You know what, just drink your drink, it might make things easier to explain.


Ryu gulps down half his beer as Kass struggles to take a drink from the large glass mug.


The Bartender walks over, looking at Kass


Bartender: Excuse me sir, your kid isn’t old enough to drink…


RYU: Listen here, this is none of your business, I’m old enough to drink for the two of us.


Bartender: I’m getting my manager.


RYU: Get an army, see if I give a ****.


Baby Kass: So tell me more about this “murder”.


Light: Nice one chuckle nuts.




We pan back into the bar, Spider has multiple empty glass mugs in front of him, while Kass is still struggling to drink out of his glass mug.


RYU: And let me hic tell you another thing about these damn dirty aliens.


RYU: You can’t trust em, and they stink!


Light: They can’t stink any worse than robots


All of the aliens in the bar are now staring at Spider now, giving him dirty looks


Our “favorite Bartender walks back towards Spider and Kass


Bartender: *ahem*


Spider and Kass both look at the Bartender, then look past her to see several alien bouncers


Bartender:: I brought the army.


Spider casually flips the bartender and her bouncers the bird


RYU: Me and the kid are having a real bonding moment here, why don’t you go back to doing whatever it is you do here.


One of the bouncers reaches over the bar and grabs Spider by his collar, Spider’s eyes narrow in anger. He dives over the bar and a brawl commences.


Kass watches for a few seconds before grabbing a nearby bottle of bear, he smashes it, forming a makeshift weapon and joins the fray




We pan back into the bar room, there are alien bodies knocked out strewn all over the bar room.


Ryu stand up tall and pounds on his chest and starts making Gorilla noises.


Kass looks up at Spider and stares for a moment, he begins imitating him, pounding on his chest making gorilla noises


Light: Look at what you’ve done now, you’re turning him into a little savage


Ryu stops his celebration to look at Kass who’s still victoriously making gorilla noises. He makes a thinking face


RYU: Its fine, he’s learning to be a hoot, sure he’s a savage, but he’ll be like us, he’ll use his powers for good.


Light: I can’t help but to hammer home the fact that you are probably only making this worse


RYU: It’ll be fine!

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