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Archer Academy Challenge 1: Joshua Tucker

Hooligan King

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The noise of and OCW live event can be heard in the background, every now and again a loud bang chased by a chorus of "oooooohs" breaks through the volume levels. As time goes on a smartly dressed Nicholas Maximus appears pushing a trolley with four cardboard boxes on it. For the night, the four members of the Archer Academy have been given their own locker rooms. In each room, the four men are getting ready for whatever insane challenge they're going to get.




All four practically jump out of their skin, Benjamin in particular looks like he might even be having NAM style flashbacks due to the horn. Eventually a small television clicks on and Archer begins to speak


Archer-Greetings peasants, you are all hearing my voice from sunny Tijuana. I am enjoying life whilst you will be doing as much as you can do to.....sell individual items I have picked out for you. They will now be delivered by my favorite helper, Nicholas! Chop Chop!


The television screen cuts out as Nicholas enters into Joshua Tuckers locker room, he drops a box at JTs feet then exits the room without saying a word.


JT-OH for me? You shouldn't have!


JT says sarcastically as he bends down and picks up the box shaking it a couple times to try and guess what it may be.


JT-I wonder what it could be. A slicing, dicing Ginsu knife set, or a super absorbent SHAM-WOW towel.


He slowly opens the box one side at a time before its completely opened. he looks in and sees a black permanent marker, a photo of himself, and a note.


He sets everything on the table, checks the box for anything else then tosses it to the floor. He picks up the note which reads "sell your own autograph." JT chuckles then crumples the note and tosses it to the floor with the box. He then turns to the camera and begins.


JT-You know? Archer had me read a card that said I was "so irrelevant I didn't know my own name." Now, him and his minion sidekick Gluteus Maximus want ME to sell my own autograph. Funny, but I'm not going to be able to do that in a room by myself.


JT signs the photo, puts it in his jacket pocket and leaves the locker room.


After two or three hours of wondering all around the entire arena inside and out, JT enters his locker room and locks the door behind him.


JT-WOW! What a humbling experience. When I wasn't getting asked who I was, I was getting asked what I was on. Some thought I was flirting, others thought I was stalking. I never thought a $5 autograph would be that hard to sell. One kid even almost tricked me into paying HIM just to take the photo.


He pulls the photo out of his jacket pocket and sets it back on the table, then sits in the chair.


JT-I hope you found enjoyment in ALL of this Archer! What is next?


He stares into the camera before taking a deep breath then exhaling and screaming LETS GO as the scene fades out.

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