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Archer Academy Challenge 1: Damian Bourne


Damian Bourne

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The noise of an OCW live event can be heard in the background, every now and again a loud bang chased by a chorus of “oooh’s” breaks through the volume levels. As time goes on a smartly dressed Nicholas Maximus appears pushing a trolley with four cardboard boxes on them. For the night, the four members of the Archer Academy have been given their own locker rooms. In each room, the four men are getting ready for whatever insane challenge they’re going to be set.

 

 

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!

 

All four practically jump out of their skin, Benjamin in particular looks like he might even be having Nam style flashbacks due to the horn. Eventually a small television clicks on and Archer begins to speak.

 

Archer: Greetings peasants, you are all hearing my voice from sunny Tijuana, I am enjoying life whilst you will be doing as much as you can do to… Sell individual items I have picked out for you. They will now be delivered by my favourite helper, Nicholas! Chop chop!

 

Nic hands Damian Bourne his box and he opens it, revealing the contents to the wrestler. Bourne hesitates for a minute but then pulls out a plastic ziploc bag full of what seems to be AC Cobra photographs. He thinks for a moment but then reaches in his pocket and pulls out a sharpie. He pushes the box off of the desk in front of him and sits down.

 

Bourne: Firstly I’d just like to remind everyone that I’m not doing this by choice. I’m sure if I don’t comply then this sicko wi-

 

HOOOOOOOOOOOONK

 

Bourne hears the horn but covers his ears too late, he waits for the muffled horn sudden stop to continue. He then starts pulling the 8x10 AC Cobra photographs out of the bag.

 

Bourne: Now ladies and gentlemen, what we have here are genuine OCW pictures of the loved AC Cobra. Now I’m sure none of you want photographs of a desperate, thirsty, hopeless loser virgin gamer.

 

Bourne: But...I’m sure if the illegitimate bastard love child of Mr.Sensation himself, also most likely to run the company after the old man dies were to sign these photographs...then you could wait until he’s the CEO to sell them on EBay like the no life dickheads you are, and of course it’ll only cost you $30 each. Capisce? Gracias

 

Bourne then takes the cap off of the sharpie he retrieved from his pocket earlier and signs the photos on the desk. After completing those, he pulls out more and continues signing them until the scene fades to black.

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