Archer Academy Challenge 2: Damian’s “Hunt”

[Damian Bourne]

Three of the four men who had been enrolled in the Archer Academy have returned from the first challenge, Bejamin Moore, the Jamaican Jiggalo has apparently vanished without a trace, leaving the others to ponder where he is. Quietly, they chatter amongst themselves until Nicholas Maximus walks in pushing an old VHS player and television tray style combo you would see in an old public school.

 

From his satchel he removes a video tape and slides it in, pressing play. The quality is poor for a moment, snow controls the box before inevitably Thomas Archers face fills the screen. In the background, are some monuments, it would appear he is now in Greece.

 

Archer: Congratulations, you have all passed! Including Benjamin Moore, despite the fact he actually failed the challenge. As such, he is being held in a secret location... Which brings us to our next challenge...

 

Archer leans forward, clasping his hands together.

 

Archer: It is up to you to find him based on a series of elaborate clues I have set out for you all. Whoever finds him the fastest, gets a cut of the money they made for me in the previous round. However, if Joshua Tucker wins I will pay for an advertising campaign to put his name up on lights all over the cities that host OCW shows for the rest of the season.

 

Archer examines his finger nails.

 

Archer: The rest of you, well... You'll just get a one handed golf clap.

 

The footage cuts towards Benjamin Moore, slumped over in an undisclosed location.

 

Archer: Let the game begin...

 

Archer begins to cackle as Nicholas returns, wheeling him out of the room, Bourne, JT and Sparks look at each other before all making a mad scramble for the door as the scene fades.

 

As Sparks ran towards some stairs and eventually disappeared out of Bourne’s vision a car engine is heard starting above ground. Bourne stands there with his arms crossed and a disappointed look on his face as JT pulls out a chair and sits down.

 

Bourne: So one of you runs off to sing Kumba-fucking-ya and the other just sits here to quote on quote I guess eliminate Benjamin from this stupid challenge. Are you kidding me? I mean sure, I want to become the next “International Icon” just like the rest of the stupid and useless rookies, but a man’s life isn’t worth all that.

 

Damian walks past JT and smacks him on the back of the head, then jogging off to some shipping container to search for the Jamaican sex machine known as Benjamin Moore. He comes across a large black sized shipping container and reads the side of it. In big gold and white embossed letters, the company on the container is read out to be “Brazzers”. Bourne looks at the camera and winks.

 

Bourne: Another time...although...Benji did make a couple of pornos in his career. I guess we’ll take a peek for holds up fingers and does air quotes research purposes.

 

Dami chuckles and opens up the crate, the inside contains bunches of cardboard boxes with the companies logos on them. He rubs his hand together like an evil mastermind and opens up a box. Peering inside.

 

Bourne: Benji!!! You damn gigolo!!! You in here??!! Nah I don’t think this is it...so. MOVING ON!

 

Damian hesitates to grab something out of the box but sighs, sucks his teeth and closes it. He walks out of the container and moves onto the next one, although the container is out of frame Bourne begins to read the company name aloud.

 

Bourne: E! O! Oh shit, wait a minute...yeah this container probably only contains garbage so we won’t check inside of it, because Benji or any other good wrestler wouldn’t be caught dead inside of that shithole.

 

Bourne moves on to the last shipping container, he sighs and hopes that this is the one that Benjamin Moore is in. Crossing his fingers, he slowly opens the doors and his jaw drops. The inside of the container is now shown to the viewers, about one hundred Code Jackman body pillows are stuffed together inside. They all uncomfortably stare at Damian and he stares back. Two minutes pass until Bourne looks into the camera.

 

Bourne: It’s unbelievable! My past always comes back to haunt me! This is some repugnant shit...and I ultimately need a break.

 

Bourne closes the doors of the shipping container and walks off a little bit, but not too far to where the crates are out of view. He pulls out a Juul and starts hitting it as the scene fades to black.