Cort Marshall Posted May 20, 2022 Posted May 20, 2022 Much like a premise afraid of a plot, like a syndicated TV show designed to milk uneducated Americans for every toy ad and awkward tone-deaf interpretation of an international conflict they’ll swallow, we return to where we’ve always been--somewhere backstage. An interview room. There’s a large CHAOS THEORY mural, the featured PPV competitors lined up against grey brickwork, accented with a splash of red paint. In front of it stands an irritated looking Cort Marshall, rocking the full denim jacket, hands on his hips. Next to him is Jim Black, looking sharp and professional in a suit as always, sweating slightly under the stage lights. Jim: Fans, CHAOS THEORY, coming up SOON, May 21st… our Canadian viewers may be gearing up for Victoria Day and the May long weekend, but before summer fun comes one of the most challenging and unique pay-pre-view events in wrestling, featuring something the man standing to my right is not very happy about! Cort mutters something too far away from the microphone to pick up. Jim: Jaysin Sensation has spun the wheel of Chaos and the number has come up, Cort Marshall and OWEN will be facing off under British Rules! Cort cuts in. Cort: And I’d like to step in and ask if that wheel is exactly as random as he claims it is. How coincidental that he lands on a stipulation specifically angled towards the home country of the man I’m facing. I didn’t see “American Rules” anywhere on that wheel, Jim. Jim chuckles. Jim: Well, really, every match in OCW under normal circumstances takes place under “American” rules. Cort: As they damn well should be. I had to look up what the hell British Rules were, Jim, and I have to tell you, this sounds like some convoluted crap meant to hide the gas tanks of fifty-something Glaswegian half-tons locking in wheezy headlocks until the ref lets them take a breather. Jim: I’m sure OWEN would disagree with you, about the pedigree of British wrestling… Cort: Well I don’t give a hoot about the pedigree! What I wanted was a REGULAR two-out-of-three falls match, so we could finally close the book on this shindig. Get your absolute, clear winner, no ropebreak controversy or anything else. Let me move on, and restart my momentum in peace. Cort: Well the wheel spun and the monkey’s paw curled, Jim, and we got our two-out-of-three falls, but with three minute rounds, so just as I get my hands around OWEN’s waist for a Cortbuster… they could call the round and I’d have to go back to the corner and sulk like it’s boxing. Jim: And any pinfalls cause a round-end break, too. Cort: Don’t even get me started on that. So it can end in a time limit draw, it can end in a judges’ decision… I’m not happy, Jim. I feel like that big stupid wheel is playing a joke on me, and I’m not in the mood for jokes. Cort: So what this means, I guess, is I’m going to have to come out of the gate firing on all cylinders. I doubt anyone in the crowd wants a tie, I doubt anyone wants a win on points--they want a pinfall for the three, Jim, and that’s what I’m going to give them, or get done in trying. All this--mess--in OCW has been digging away at me week after week, and it’s time I get it all OUT. He nods sharply to the camera, looking back at Jim and then off into the distance offscreen. Jim: Well thank you for your time, Sergeant… 3
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