The Clark Effect

[Jacob Trance]

We come back from a commercial break to find the ring decked out in blue and silver, the prim, proper and attractive Stacy Clark sits opposite the Spoonman, the last living (credible) legend, Chris Mania.

 

Stacy Clark: “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Clark Effect!”

 

The crowd applaud as the camera focuses on Stacy.

 

Stacy Clark: “A lot has been going on here in Online Championship Wrestling, especially as we approach the eighth annual Wrestlelution, which looks set to be one of our biggest ever shows. It will see Parker Stevens put his OCW Championship on the line against Luke Dinsmore, Pugh will take on Tiberius Dupree in a hardcore affair, a triple threat match sees Jookie defend his EX title against not one, but two challengers in the form of DJesus and the young up and comer, Eric Scofield. We also have the grudge match between Spider and Matsuda, with another one, being set in the Cell for the International Championship, between The Anti-Christ, Jacob Trance and the Son of God, Cody Storm.”

 

The crowd cheer, clearly liking the sound of the card.

 

Stacy Clark: “Of course, tonight I’m here with a man who will be competing with, what might very well be, his hall of fame legacy on the line, Chris Mania. How are you feeling Chris?”

 

Chris looks up, bleary eyed.

 

Chris Mania: “To be honest Stacy, we’ve been doing this for what, seven years now? You know I’m baked.”

 

The crowd laugh and begin to sing along to the words of ‘Spoonman.’

Chris Mania: “Nah but seriously, it’s like always a pleasure to do this, especially for a friend.”

 

Stacy smiles and begins.

 

Stacy Clark: “Well Chris, you’ve seen exactly what Aries has been willing to do to get your attention, what exactly do you think of it?”

 

Chris Mania: “I... Think he’s dangerous in all honesty. He has shown he’ll go to extreme lengths just for the respect and attention that, he already has received, but thinks he deserves so much more. I mean, I’m not going to stand here and deny he has hall of fame credentials, but it’s way too soon.”

 

Stacy raises an eyebrow.

 

Stacy Clark: “So you believe he deserves to be in the hall of fame?”

 

Mania shakes his head.

 

Chris Mania: “No, no love. You misunderstand. I don’t think he deserves to go in, it’s too early for him. Let’s face it, he’s better than some of the inductees, but his career is young, instead of obsessing over some bronze plaque in a museum, he should go back to being the greatest of all time, of his generation.”

 

Stacy Clark: “Ok, we’ve covered his accolades, but what do you think of the man personally?”

 

Chris Mania: “I think he’s a coward, and I think, ultimately, it was him that motivated Trance to go after me so heavily. I think that’s been his game all along, honestly. Now, I might be the weed making me paranoid, but if you join the dots, it all seems to point to a group of dumb, ugly... you know whats.”

 

Stacy frowns, glad Mania didn’t swear as it costs money to bleep it out. Ever since Matsuda departed, at least temporarily the production budget has been under considerably less strain.

 

Stacy Clark: “So, it’s safe to say you’re not his biggest fan.”

 

Chris Mania: “Far from it, I’d try and put him out with petrol if he was on fire.”

 

Stacy Clark: “Gasoline.”

 

Chris Mania: “I’m British, it’s petrol.”

 

Stacy Clark: “Okay.... But we’re in America.”

 

Chris Mania: “Do we need to do this every time? Look... I hate these interviews, and I hate Aries. What’s going to happen at Lution? I wish I could tell you, but I don’t know. All I know is he has some sort of personal vendetta against me.”

 

A cameraman who was on the apron moves a little, presumably to get a better shot of Manias emotional outburst as he stands up from the chair, moving towards the recorder.

 

Chris Mania: “And I know that at Lution, even though I just said I don’t know what’ll happen, but here’s my guess. A fight is going to happen, he and I are going to scrap, and by tooth claw and clothesline from Cardiff, I will not go down easily. I owe it to the fans, myself and to all of the other hall of famers to stop this megalomaniac in his ego driven tracks. That Stacy is exactly what I intend to do.”

 

Stacy Clark: “Strong words there from the Spoonman, back over to you Scaggs...”

 

‘BOW....TO.... ME...’

 

From the PA system blares Porcelian and the Tramps rendition of “King of the World” as none other than Aries swaggers out onto the stage, clutching in his left hand the damaged Hall of Fame plaque. Written across it, quite clearly is the name ‘Aries.’

 

Aries: “What’s that Chris? You are willing to do whatever it takes... That’s hilarious, I mean, for you to actually stop the likes of me would take a million years and for you to actually lay off the pot. Speaking of pot, you must be completely off your face to even believe you would stand a chance of beating me. They say in my song, you should have known what I was all about, that you shouldn’t test me...”

 

Aries grins.

 

Aries: “It also quite clearly states that I am the fu*****ng king of the world.”

Mania shuffles in his seat, turning to face Aries.

 

Chris Mania: “Listen Leonardo, you’re not the king of the world, but you’re certainly going down like the Titanic.”

 

Aries growls.

 

Aries: “You can’t say that! You’re meant to be the good guy here jack!”

 

Chris Mania: “Who’s Jack?”

 

Aries: “It’s a...”

 

Chris Mania: “Shut up!”

 

Chris Mania: “I’m sick and tired of hearing you talk about yourself, I’m fed of being attacked from behind, and I’m sure as hell fed up of people treating me as a joke!”

Aries: “Aw, is baby going to cry?”

 

Chris snorts.

 

Chris Mania: “No, baby is going to beat your ass at ‘Lution...”

 

Aries: “You can’t pin me”

 

Chris Mania: “Who says I was going to pin you? Oh, you’ll find out about that at Lution buddy.”

 

Aries continues to rage as now, finally, we cut back to the commentary team.