Touching Down In Paradise

[Gentleman Jack]

Warning, the following content may contain strong language, scenes of a sexual nature, violence, drug use, and is recommend only for a mature audience. The views expressed are solely those of Gentleman Jack and the Gentleman's Club. OCW does not agree with these views or condone these actions. Viewer discretion is advised.

 

Our scene opens at a ramshackle, tropical airport. We see passengers disembarking from a WWII era converted cargo plane. All around you can see the trappings of a tropical paradise. From the lush palm trees, to the diverse avian species, the thick jungle air is alive with excitement. And mosquitoes. Holy shit are there some huge mosquitoes about.

 

As the passengers continue to disembark, we catch our first glimpse of the Club getting off the plane. Gentleman Jack steps out first, decked out in full Tommy Bahama beach wear and a lovely panama hat. As he gets to the top of the ramp, he waves to the non existent crowd in full President Nixon style.

 

After Jack exits the plane, we see Big Ed and Cactus Gauge prepare for departure. Sadly, Big Ed is confined to a wheelchair for this trip. The big man is clearly suffering the consequences of breaking the ring at Turmoil and not giving his beloved manager a clean finish. Big Ed looks more like a disturbed Vietnam veteran than a relaxing tourist. His garb would give Tom Cruise a run for his money in Born on the Fourth of July.

 

Pushing our beloved Big Ed is none other than the newest member of the Gentleman's Club, Cactus Gauge! Cactus has had the good fashion sense to follow Jack's lead. He looks more like a Panamanian playboy than a disturbed, homeless bum. Cactus has a huge grin on his face and sunglasses covering the memory of whatever the poor bastard did the night before.

 

After a bit of difficulty leaving the aircraft, the three men reconvene at the customs desk where Jack is standing by on his cell phone.. As three titans of the wrestling world approach the desk, they're greeted by a trio of island beauties. Two of the lovely young ladies successfully put leis on Jack and Cactus. As the third tropical beauty leans in to put one on Big Ed, she pauses to ask a question.

 

Tropical Beauty: You poor thing! What happened to you?

 

Cactus: He's seen some shit lady. And some things. Not to mention some stuff too. Don't even get him started on the stuff...

 

Tropical Beauty: Aww! You poor baby! Let me welcome you to...

 

As she speaks the young lady tries to place the lei around Big Ed's neck. As soon as she makes the briefest of physical contact with Ed, the big man begins to freak out and scream like a feral beast. The large brute continues thrashing around in his chair and making noises no man should have the ability to make. The massive scene catches Jack's attention, who has been on his phone since landing. He hangs up in a huff and begins to try to calm his client.

 

Jack: Easy big fella! Calm down! It's ok! Nobody is trying to hurt you! Look, they're friendly!

 

Jack grabs one of the island beauties and begins to passionately kiss her. Jack releases the young girl (who is totally legal by the way) and looks back at his prized client. The young girl is taken aback by the situation but is now swooning in confused excitement to the side.

 

Jack: See? Friendly.

 

This display has calmed the giant down. His feral screams are now a muted growl. The young lady that tried to place a lei around Ed is visibly shaken from the ordeal.

 

Tropical Beauty: What... What was that? What happened? Is he ok? Am I ok? Where am I?

 

Jack: Can you handle this? I've got Barry on the other line in New York. He's dealing with the insurance agents over the bar.

 

Cactus: Insurance? Bar? What are you talking about daddio?

 

Jack: Oh yeah you weren't around for that. Ok so get this, remember Joe Zhivago? Sniveling little eurotrash twat?

 

Cactus: Oh yeah, the cat with the shitty leather jacket and cheap haircut. I remember him!

 

Jack: So yeah, apparently Ed here stole a bar from Joe's uncle during his white supremacist, Ron Pearlman impersonator phase. All fun and games right? Well to get revenge, the dumb immigrant prick burned the place to the ground. But not before dear sweet Barry insured the place out the wazoo in our names. So basically Ed stole a man's bar, said man's nephew burned the bar to the ground in a fit of misguided rage, and now we get paid. God I love America!

 

Tropical Beauty: Will somebody please tell me what's going on?!?!?!?!

 

Jack looks at the girl in a state of exasperated disdain and just shrugs and points to Cactus before going to back to his phone.

 

Cactus: Ya see darlin, our big friend here had a little “incident” last Thursday night. He was fighting this obese mad man and when Ed here tried to superplex him, the ring collapsed. It was like 9/11 all over again.

 

Tropical Beauty: That's so sad!

 

Cactus: He'll be ok ma'am. He's with friends now. We've brought him to this tropical paradise to recover.

 

Tropical Beauty: That's so sweet!

 

Before the conversation can continue, the agent at the customs desk waves the group over.

 

Customs Agent: Have anything to declare?

 

Cactus: Nothing but my genius.

 

Jack: Nice!

 

The two scumbags high five over their love of famed homosexual author Oscar Wilde. Meanwhile the customs agent just groans in disgust.

 

Customs Agent: If one more of you pretty boys fly down here and say that line... Just go, get the hell out of here. You disgust me!

 

Big Ed once again screams like a man possessed. The custom's agent is visibly terrified.

 

Jack: He said he doesn't like homophobes...

 

Cactus: Yeah bro, check your privilege. It's 2016.

 

Big Ed continues to scream gibberish and flail around like a mental patient.

 

Customs Agent: I'm sorry! Just go! Get him out of here! Enjoy your stay! Ahhh!!!!!

 

Big Ed continues to scream nonsense at the homophobic customs agent as Cactus wheels him by.

 

Jack: You disgust me...

 

Cactus spits on the deplorable human being as they leave customs. Before long the new trio is outside of the dinky airport hailing a cab.

 

Jack: So where to first?

 

Cactus: I need a drink. This humidity has me parched.

 

Jack: What do you think big guy? Want to get some alcohol? Nothing bad ever happened when serious brain injuries were mixed with alcohol!

 

Big Ed simply grunts. Cactus slaps him on the back as he tries to load the monster of a man into a waiting cab.

 

Cactus: That's the spirit! Hey boss, can you help me with this?

 

Jack: Help you? Cactus I brought you in to help me! Come on now!

 

Cactus: It's just, he's a little bigger than me...

 

Cactus is trying valiantly to load the giant into the cab with no luck.

 

Jack: Are you trying to put him in the car? Cactus, only winners ride in the car. And while putting a slob of a man with the mental powers of a 6 year old through the ring was entertaining, he didn't win.

 

Cactus: What? Are you serious?

 

Jack: I wanted that crown Cactus. It would have made my eyes POP!

 

Cactus: So what do we do with him?

 

Jack: He's got wheels. Just tie his chair to the car.

 

Cactus: Is that safe?

 

Jack: Safe? Hahahaha! No, no it's not safe. He could seriously get injured. But what's the worst that could happen? He gets knocked even more retarded?

 

Big Ed: BALLOONS!!!!!!!!

 

Jack: See? He'll be fine. Now tie him to the car, I'm not going to get drunk just standing here.

 

Our scene wraps up as Cactus ties Big Ed's wheelchair to the taxi. As the taxi slowly pulls away we see Big Ed giggling in his chair, having the time of his poor, retarded life. Stay tuned this week to the promo room for more adventures of the Gentleman's Club in paradise!

[Dennis Black]

 

Our scene wraps up as Cactus ties Big Ed's wheelchair to the taxi. As the taxi slowly pulls away we see Big Ed giggling in his chair, having the time of his poor, retarded life.

 

 

can't breath

[Jimmy Henry]

"Who is totally legal by the way" - Hahahahaha.

 

Outstanding work, a nice balance of comedy & offensiveness. The GC are fucking ace.

[Jordan Jax]

Awesome

[Big Ed]

New gimmick.

 

Broken big Edward

[S.Abbott]

And cactus is the orderly that is on diaper duty. Ha duty.