Fantasy Football

[Loki McGregor]

The night was dark and full of terrors. At least that is how George R. R. Martin would open a dramatic chapter. However this is a Loki story and the best we can muster is: Loki tried to hurdle the low standing bushes that separates duplex 102 from duplex 103 and failed miserably.

 

His right foot had caught during the jump and he landed in a crumpled heap. Luckily the chilly night had forced most to retreat inside and the darkness cloaked him from watchful eyes. While his shouts of pain may have scared a few dogs his noisy attempt at stealth went unnoticed.

 

If you are wondering why the once sneaky Loki, who claimed to be 1/16 ninja, has lost his cat like subtlety than you can look no further than Trance who continues to supply Loki with his pills.

 

Anyways. Loki climbed back to his feet and surveyed the plan white half house in front of him. The entrance was not guarded as he had feared and the door didn’t appear to be all that sturdy.

 

Loki approached cautiously and placed his hand gingerly on the door. He considered knocking the door down, maybe he would search for a key instead, or maybe…

 

Loki turned the doorknob and to his astonishment the chipped white painted door slowly swung in with a creak.

 

He was in.

 

This was it.

 

The duplex was small. A staircase was directly to his left. A soft light shone from a living room a few steps in front of him and a small kitchen was directly to his right. His intuition suggested he should check upstairs first...he also could hear snoring.

 

With as much care as possible he crept step to step. Slowly he made his way to the top. The snoring was coming from a room with an ajar door to the right.

 

Without touching the door Loki slid in. A man was curled up on a small twin bed.

 

Loki knelt down and gently shook the man: Brian…Brian, wake up.

 

Brian feebly stirred.

 

Loki: BRIAN HOYER!

 

Brian Hoyer jumped and sat up. His eyes found Loki who had jumped back and he screamed.

 

Brian Hoyer: HOLY SHIT! What do you want! Who are you!

 

Loki: Woah! Be chill!

 

Brian sprang from the bed and grabbed a glass lamp. He hurled it with all the might he could muster. Loki raised his hands and the lamp shattered around Loki and fell into his hair.

 

Loki: AH! What the hell!

 

Brian took advantage of Loki being momentarily distracted and rushed to tackle him but Loki reacted quickly and hit Loki’s Ladder. Brian’s face smashed off of Loki’s knee and he fell backwards with a muffled shout of pain.

 

Loki: Ok. Ok. Ok. Ok. Bad start. Loki held out a hand to offer to help Brian up. Brian ignored it with wide, fearful eyes.

 

Loki: No. No. No. Brian. Brian. Brian. I need you! You’re my only hope.

 

Brian’s eyes eased and he looked suspiciously back at Loki. He lowered his hands from his mouth: Who the hell are you?

 

Loki beamed: My name is Loki and you’re on my fantasy football team!

 

Brian: Wha-

 

Loki nodded his head: Yeah. I picked you up from Free Agency two weeks ago because Eli Manning was sucking it up! He just sucked! But you! You have helped me win two games in a row and now...now I face Dennis Black this week.

 

Loki obviously thought this was dramatic and ended the sentence in dramatic fashion but Brian just continued to look on wondering where this was going.

 

Brian:...And?

 

Loki cleared his throat and pulled out a piece of paper from his back pocket: Brian, more than ever I need you. Sure you’ve been a journeyman QB your entire career, but this moment. This moment could stand out in infamy. Together we can defeat Dennis Black and keep my undefeated streak against him. I don’t want to put more pressure on you but I can’t play for you. If I could I would throw it to Zach Miller every time, because I have him too. Make me proud. And if it is ok could I get an autograph from Jordy Nelson since you will be at the game?

 

Brian finally found his voice: YOU BROKE INTO MY HOUSE JUST TO ASK ME TO PLAY WELL SO YOU CAN WIN IN FANTASY FOOTBALL?

 

Loki:...Yes.

 

Brian: YOU THINK IT WORKS LIKE THAT?

 

Loki: Hey. I paid $1 dollar for you. I own you.

 

Brian: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!

 

Loki: It’s a duplex.

 

Brian: I’M CALLING JACOB TRANCE!

 

Loki stood up suddenly: Oh look at the time. I got to go.

 

Loki scampered out the door, stumbled down the stairs in fear and back into the night. Will this motivate Brian Hoyer...tune in this Thursday night.

[Big Ed]

http://sportshub.cbsistatic.com/i/r/2016/10/21/1c40c092-e285-46b9-a505-fa4239ea3b88/resize/670x377/09364b5f6c0ef72b9659bb6ce67ed543/hoyer-hit-matthews-pepper.png

 

homie didn't get nuff sleep and broke his arm

[Loki McGregor]

[B-17]