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OCW Coliseum Home Video AXCLOOSIV: Cort and KD Brawl!


Cort Marshall

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We arrive backstage in a nondescript arena hallway, where Cort marshall is standing in front of a green screen, trying out various heroic poses with his Pride Championship. We’re watching from what looks like a phone video, so the main setup is in view, crew included. First Cort tries the Superman, hands on hips and chest out, belt standing in for bright red undies. Then he hefts it to his shoulder, staring stoically off into the distance. He puts up a fist, as if ready to fight the cameraman. Then, he takes the belt off and smiles at it, pointing at it as if to say “oh you!” The crew laugh, and Cort puts the belt back around his waist.

 

Cort: … Use that one at your discretion. So, what are we doing for backgrounds?

 

The man behind the main camera leans out to answer.

 

Crew: Well, usually we just have it be blank so it can go up on the website… or on magazines, and so on.

 

Cort: Modern, tasteful web design? Lame! Where’s the exploding volcanoes! Tyrannosaurus Rexes! And not with feathers, that’s a zoomer scientist psyop. Maybe… perched atop a mountain of beer cans--an apocalyptic city rises in the background, smoke pillars brushing the angry red sky… title it… Beyond Hoosierdome.

 

Crew: I-I’ll have to ask the boss about that one…

 

Cort: Wait! No! Photoshop me into a 38 Special album cover. I’m thinking… Wild-Eyed Southern Boys. And have the title where the lady’s butt would go. I’m the guy on the left smiling.

 

Crew: I will absolutely NOT ask the boss about that one. Please don’t get me fired. I got onlyf--kids to feed.

 

Cort laughs and slaps him on the back, eliciting a wince.

 

Cort: YOU’RE FUNNY. That’s why I like ya… whatever your name is. I’m kidding. Use whatever you want. I’m not some kind of egotistical maniac.

 

He drags a little plastic chair in front of the screen and sits down, posing with his hand on his cheek and a leg crossed.

 

Cort: I’m just a humble, approachable, man of the people who you can cut into pee en gee format and license out for money.

 

Behind him, we see a shadow rise up behind the green screen. A hand grabs the top, and rips the whole shindig down! The metal poles holding it up clatter to the ground, and Cort jumps, turning around in his chair to see KD Angelo! The crew stand back, well aware of the danger this man poses when in a bad mood. Or any mood, really.

 

KD: Interrupting something?

 

Cort: As a matter of fact, you are. I’m here trying to provide the fans a nice, friendly mugshot. You know, the face of… a champion. Someone the kids can look up to.

 

He looks KD up and down.

 

KD grabs Cort’s chair and wrenches it sideways, clattering it against the cement wall. Cort stumbles to his feet.

 

KD: What’s THAT supposed to mean?

 

Cort frowns.

 

Cort: Oh, you know, someone who doesn’t call someone a member of the Klan on live TV. Someone who doesn’t throw around accusations like Spider throws matches.

 

KD shakes his head.

 

KD: I’m well aware of your history. And you ain’t fooling me just because you smile for the camera.

 

KD lashes out again and pushes one of said cameras over as the crew member cries out in anguish!

 

Crew: These things are EXPENSIVE!

 

KD pushes a finger into Cort’s chest.

 

KD: I know the kinda man you are. And you know the kind of man I AM. I don’t need to smile for the camera. People look at me and they’re afraid. They respect me. You cling to that title like it means something in the hands of a hateful little pretender.

 

Cort: PRETEND, HUH? I’m sorry, where was your name on the list of people called out to go fight in some godforsakened war? I have put my LIFE on the line for my country and you want to go on television acting like I’m some racist trash.

 

Cort: Nuh-uh. You don’t get that right. You just waltz in and say whatever you like, DO whatever you like, because you’re “Big KD,” “The Gatekeeper,” because you’ve been here forever and ever and no matter what you do Sensation won’t reign you in.

 

Cort: I got news for you. I’ve done and said some bad sh*t. But I’m a changed man. You’re the same man you always were--a tough talking, ignorant bully who thinks being seven feet tall makes him invincible.

 

Cort: … You ain’t.

 

KD smiles.

 

KD: No… I’m not.

 

Cort tilts his head before KD looses a big chop out of nowhere, knocking the wind out of him.

 

KD: But neither are you. And you started something with me! Something you know you can’t finish!

 

Cort stands back up straight, and stares KD in the eyes.

 

Cort: … That all you’ve got?

KD shakes his head and jumps forward at Cort! Cort goes low, aiming for the stomach, while KD lands big fists to Cort’s back. They scuffle past the crew’s setup, and KD pushes Cort over another one of their chairs. Cort tumbles over it and KD follows, picking Cort up as he tries to get to his feet and scoop slamming him on the concrete! The title falls off his waist, and KD picks it up.

 

KD: Funny how much better it looks when it’s off of you..

 

Cort groans on the ground, grunting in response. Security are now arriving, and they push KD away from the downed champion while he keeps hold of the title. Cort rises to his feet, battered but not giving up.

 

Cort: COME ON. I’M NOT DONE.

 

He tries to force past the security but they keep him back. KD turns around to walk away, title on his shoulder.

 

Cort: DON’T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME!

 

KD pauses, as if he forgot something. He pretends to notice the title on his shoulder, and acts shocked before tossing it over the heads of security to land in Cort’s hands. After that, he continues walking, and the last shot we see is of Cort’s enraged face staring after him.

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