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Summercide Press Event - Colby McCallum


Jacob Trance

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There's an audible buzz in the room, the press have gathered, summoned by Thomas Archer, maniacal rich man. They’re anticipating something, anything, possibly more absolute lunacy. The man in question sat centre left, paying no attention as he thrashed away at a Solid Gold Gameboy he got from the jewellery store.

 

Archer: I see you stalking me! Damn it! No! I died

 

Archer looks up from the handheld with a sigh, placing it on the ground.

 

Archer: I suppose now I have to get the show on the road and actually interact with you animals.

 

Archer snaps his fingers and some roadhands bring out not one but three additional chairs. Finally, out walks the son of OCW Hall of Famer Aries, Colby McCallum, flanked by three unfamiliar faces. The three unknowns ham it up whilst Colby calmly takes his seat to the left of Archer whilst the unknowns stand behind the duo.

 

Colby: Yer probably wonderin’ who these strapping’ lads are behind me… They’re my fight time, so let’s be lettin’ the cat outa the bag and get to introducing’ them.

 

The camera zooms in on the smallest one, his jacket says Jay FX.

 

Colby: This right here is the greatest cut man in the business, if he had been in Apollo Creed’s corner that ham and egger wouldn’t be six feet unda! This is Jay FX.

 

Jay FX pumps his fist and the camera moves up to the tallest of the two. His name tag says “Mittens.”

 

Colby: Speakin’ of boxers. This is the man responsible for Tyson Fury’s unending line of destruction, this is Brian Malone, but you can just call him Mittens, ‘cause that’s all you’ll ever see comin’.

 

Finally, we move to the man in the knee brace, his shaved hair and demeanour make him look like he’s ready to burst into a fit of rage at any moment.

 

Colby: This is Adam VanHelms. Grappling expert, Kong Grip Tape doesn’t have anythin’ on him. Once’s he’s got you, he’s got you.

 

Archer clears his throat.

 

Archer: And the crown jewel, The Dreadnought of Drogheda, this boy does everything. He can handle anything, and most important of all… He’ll fight everyone. What you’re expecting this weekend isn’t what you’re getting. There’s not going to be a triumphant legend, there’s no wrong being righted for Telos. The bell is going to ring then it’ll ring again at the end, with our hands being raised.

 

Colby smirks.

 

Colby: And that winnin’ bonus on top of the cheddar we’re being paid to talk to you donkeys will be well spent.

 

Archer smiles and rises from his chair.

 

Archer: Do we have any questions?

 

A lot of journalists raise their hands, but the party all rises.

 

Archer: None? I guess you all understand for once, thanks for listening, that’ll be all if we have no further questions.

 

The group leave to a chorus of boos from fans that got in and a lot of scathing looks from the journalists given the cold shoulder.

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