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Harri Etiquette Rewatches Ambition

Colin Locke

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The camera is focused on a large metal door with a piece of paper that reads 'Harri Etiquette!' stuck to it with masking tape. A familiar voice is heard screaming.




The scene changes to reveal Harri Etiquette standing in front of a television, watching the first match of Ambition start. She immediately scrambles around, rummaging through several bags, many of which are not hers.


Harri: If someone's hidden my phone, I'm gonna slap the shit out of someone!


Harri's phone is very clearly on the bench behind her, and she misses it every time she scrambles to empty another bag or container.


Harri: That audio guy is trying TO FUCK ON ME.


Harri sits down on the bench aggressively, folding her arms and sulking, not realising that she's just sat on her phone.


Harri (grumbling to herself): You're telling me I did the flip and shouted at the lighting guy and sang along to my theme song in front of my adoring fans and don't even make it on tv this is bullshit.


She looks around for a second before bouncing in surprise as her phone vibrates underneath her. Harri springs to her feet, grabs the phone and immediately starts talking.


Harri: Hey, you, Mr. Ambition! Listen, you got a lot of ass to be reducing my screen time, how are any of these morons gonna know how many times you've gotta say Etiquette if the song doesn't tell you? And furthermore-


Phone: Miss-


Harri: -Don't you get smart with me, kid! You're gonna be fielding a lot of calls today, calls from unsuspecting people who were not ready to see Harri Etiquette (Etiquette, Etiquette) on their screens. They didn't hear the drums, they didn't sing along with the song, they're completely going in cold! This is the worst-


Phone: MISS!-


Harri: -No! You are gonna listen, because this is the worst creative decision since Jaws vs Predator, how do you mess up Jaws vs Predator? You've got the shark, you've got the thing that's not a shark, so tell me now, how do you not put my entrance music in Jaws vs Predator- I mean, the fatal four way?


There is a moment of silence, and the man on the phone replies in a small voice.


Phone: Miss Etiquette, we've had to leave your FedEx delivery with your neighbour as you weren't in earlier today.


Harri stares at her phone blankly for a moment.


Phone: ... Yeah.


After a few seconds that feel like minutes, Harri silently hangs up the phone, gently places the phone beside her, and folds her arms again, continuing to sulk.


Harri: I hate UPS.

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