Corporate Consolidation

[Quartz]

We fade into a massive boardroom. Most of the chairs are stacked in a corner, the lights slowly flicker on as a small handful of people walk into the room and sit in the large chairs at the oversized desk.

 

The view focuses on the door as the last man to enter the room does so with a very serious look on his face.

 

Thomas Archer, former OCW International and Pride champion and current owner of United Archer Enterprises.

 

Archer steps forward and places both of his hands down at the head of the table, palms flat on the dusty surface that looks as if it hadn’t been used in a while.

 

He looks around at the rest of the higher-ups in UAE. Sitting nearest Archer is the loyal UAE soldier, Brian Feinstein, he shares the uncertain look on his face that Archer does as he peers around at the other nameless executives in his office.

 

Archer: Look my underlings, I truly understand that times have been… uneasy… Perhaps you even feel I have been an absentee landlord. However, since I hung up my wrestling boots I’ve learned a few good things about this organization and subsequently, about each of you..

 

Archer: I learned that I am, and let’s be brutally honest here, the only person in this room with any business sense, marketing sense, common sense and fashion sense.

 

The faces around the room start to look around nervously.

 

Archer: Failed venture after failed venture. We’ve lost half of our suppliers, why? Because you’re all incompetent. I mean Christ, why did we sell video game controllers that we knew would disconnect the moment you went below sea level!

 

Archer takes a deep breath and stands tall, turning his back to the table.

 

Archer: As you’re all aware, I have been exploring all possible options on how to bring United Archer Enterprises to the next level, it has not been an easy process, I was advised that slave labour has recently been outlawed alongside child labour… That’s been two of the pillars of our organization, employing everyone! However, your great leader, as always, has found the perfect solution.

 

Executive Doug: We found a buyer?! We found a buyer!?

 

Archer: There’s no “we” in team Doug, but there is a ME. As previously outlined, UAE was never up for sale unless all of my conditions were met, one of which was that I would remain a titan of the industry. I guided us through the Cohlerona virus after all!

 

Archer: I did, however, find an investor, someone willing to pump their blood, energy, and more importantly their money into UAE. I refuse to allow another one of my creations to crumble in front of my eyes because of you bitch cowards.

 

Archer: And so, let me proudly introduce you to my newest partner, my co-owning comrade of UAE…

 

The entire room peers over to the now cracked door. The clicking of Ferragamo Oxfords on the hardwood floor below echoes through the room. Archer turns to his left to extend his hand. The camera slowly pans up the detailed, Italian pinstripe suit until it reaches the face of the man who fills it out.

 

Dennis Dillinger extends his hand and gleefully shakes with Archer as the men in the boardroom can do nothing but look on.

 

Dennis: Hello, gentlemen! Today is a new day for us all. As of 12:15am this morning, Dennis Dillinger Enterprises has reached an agreement with United Archer Enterprises.

 

Dennis: There are many strong assets within this group and I know a good investment when I see one.

 

Dennis: Thomas Archer and Dennis Dillinger… Or as you can call us going forward… Dillinger United LLC.

 

Dennis: I heard most other potential partners were not interested in maintaining this fine man’s services, and as that was a prerequisite to the deal being made, my only regret was not shaking this man’s hand sooner.

 

Dennis: The future remains bright for Dillinger United.

 

Doug: So what does this mean for us!?

 

Dennis: Doug, you seem to have a hard time listening.

 

Dillinger looks over at Archer with an annoyed smirk on his face, Archer shrugs and quickly nods his head in the affirmative.

 

Dillinger: There is no more “us” as far as you’re concerned. You are all fired. Get the hell out of my boardroom.

 

The men jump to their feet in shock, shouting over one another at Archer.

 

Archer: You better get out of here like he said, the weaponised squirrels have been released, we gave them crossbows as a signing on bonus.

 

The group of men scurry out of the room, shouting and panicking at their newfound unemployment. One man stays behind with Dillinger and Archer, watching them all leave.

 

Feinstein: Maybe that was a smidge harsh? Little bit too much, maybe?

 

Feinstein gets no answer so he turns to look at both Archer and Dillinger staring back at him.

 

Feinstein: Anyways, sir, I was-

 

Archer: Brian, for now I need you to step aside, and trust the process.

 

Dillinger simply smiles at Feinstein, who continues to stammer over his words in disbelief.

 

Archer: Thank you for your council, my Ivrim chief, I will be in touch. Do not worry, trust the process. Let it play out.

 

Feinstein: No-no-no you can’t do this!? WHAT?!

 

Dillinger steps around Archer and leans down to meet Feinstein face-to-face.

 

Dennis: You’d better catch up to the rest of them so you don’t miss the Uber XL.

 

Archer: No, Brian will be taking the company air-ship as part of his severance package.

 

Feinstein grits his teeth and storms out of the room as Dillinger leans back up.

 

Archer can do nothing but simply watch him rush out, his tense looking face not moving a muscle the entire time.

 

Archer: ...So then.

 

Dennis: Yes, my friend! Everything is a go. I’ll send my people to clean this disgusting place up, no offense.

 

Archer rolls his eyes.

 

Dennis: Let’s go, partner. We have a flight to catch.

 

The two men walk out of the room as the lights click off, the camera focusing on the UAE logo one final time as we fade out…

[Quartz]

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