Cheryl Stixx Posted March 24 Posted March 24 (edited) The camera opens to a dimly lit hotel room that screams "budget chic." The wallpaper is peeling, the carpet has seen better days, and the faint smell of stale air freshener lingers. Cheryl Stixx is sprawled on the bed, scrolling through her phone with the intensity of someone who's one bad Yelp review away from a meltdown, as she scans the OCW 2K25 roster reveal. She's wearing a silk robe that probably costs more than the entire hotel, her hair perfectly tousled, and her makeup flawless despite the chaos around her. Danny Boyd is sitting in a rickety chair by the window, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else. Cheryl Stixx: without looking up Who stays in a crack house like this? If I get cholera, I'm blaming the person who booked this shit hole. Danny Boyd: sighs Me. You're blaming me. And, for the record, this is just a 4-star hotel, Cheryl. You're not getting cholera—or anything, for that matter. Cheryl Stixx: still scrolling I wasn't talking about you. It was probably the sta— Danny Boyd: cutting her off There's no staff, Cheryl. It's me. Again, we are BROKE. B-R-O-K-E: BROKE. She rises from the bed, phone still in hand, and strides across the room like she's on a runway. Her silk robe flows dramatically as she adjusts it and checks her reflection in the cracked mirror. Cheryl Stixx: And what about OCW 2K25? Do you know why I can’t find myself on the roster reveal page? Danny Boyd: avoiding eye contact, tapping nervously on his phone Aham, well... about that... we might have a... situation? Cheryl Stixx: narrowing her eyes I don't know, Daniel. What kind of situation? And how am I supposed to know? Danny Boyd: grimacing So... the thing is, sis... you're not on the base roster. Cheryl Stixx: laughs HAH! OMG, you're so funny, Danny! But c'mon, seriously, WTF is going on? Danny Boyd: awkward smile ...I'm not joking, Chez. You're not in the game. Like, at all... yet. Cheryl Stixx: staring at him in disbelief But... how? Something must be wrong! Have you called their people? I mean, my people should call their people! Something's clearly not right! Cheryl starts firing questions at Danny at breakneck speed, pacing the room like a caged tiger. Cheryl Stixx: How is this possible, Daniel? You made us fly commercial here, closer to OCW, you made me stay in this crack house, I brought my gear and all this luggage that you carried—HAVE I MENTIONED THAT YOU MADE ME FLY COMMERCIAL? Danny Boyd: Chez, Chez! Sis, please, listen. I'm sorry, okay? Danny pauses, then gets an idea Danny Boyd: But... but I heard rumors! Yeah! That you're gonna be DLC! Cheryl Stixx: ...DLC? Danny Boyd: Yeah! Like... they're saving you for the big premium pack! To drive up sales! You're too valuable for the base roster! Cheryl Stixx: processing this, then nodding slowly ...That... that actually makes sense. I AM premium content. suddenly excited They're probably making me a whole showcase! With my upcoming music! Well, with all my achievements, this would be the natural thing for them to do. I'm not some Bachelor in Paradise leftover trading kisses for screen time. I was personally considered for Dancing With The Stars, okay? The casting director told me I had "the right energy"—which, between us, is code for "you're too famous for this but we need the drama." Unlike those Real Housewives has-beens who fight over salad dressing deals, I have standards. Danny Boyd: Standards? You were in the background of a Pitbull music video for three seconds. They blurred you out in the reruns. Cheryl Stixx: gasps EXCUSE ME, that was artistic lighting! And for the record, Pitbull loved me. Mr. Worldwide knows star power when he sees it. Danny Boyd: I’m pretty sure he was just trying to get you to stop touching his fedora... Cheryl Stixx: ignoring him The point is, I'm the kind of star OCW should be begging to have as DLC. I've got the résumé—almost DWTS, two music videos where I was clearly the focus (even if I wasn't credited), and that legendary three-episode arc on Days of Our Lives where I played the coma patient who looked absolutely snatched for someone on life support. I method acted so hard, I almost forgot to breathe! That's called craft, Danny! The fan mail still comes in—people begged them not to kill me off! Danny Boyd: relieved Exactly! So really, this is good! We just have to wait for— Cheryl, already grabbing her oversized designer bag, sending a minibar vodka bottle crashing to the floor. She wrestles into her Louboutins, hoists her cleavage, and checks her reflection and claims Cheryl Stixx: If I'm DLC, then I need to give them something to WORK WITH. Let's go Danny. We've got a show to crash! Let’s make a big Stixx Premium DLC Celebration at OCW! Danny Boyd: staring at the broken bottle ...I, I don't think there's a show today, Chez. Cheryl Stixx: …Then call Ey Fegh! Danny Boyd: puzzled I don't think I have friends here. Well, there's Jo— Cheryl Stixx: cutting him off E-Y F-E-G-H! Jesus, Daniel! Get a gripl! Danny's face drops. That precocious 30-year-old twink who's allegedly finishing my album with his AI clone of me? waves hand Pfft, as if I wouldn't notice—my high notes are way flatter in real life. TEXT HIM. Tell him we're dropping the songs... and also tell that flamboyant little fairy to at least make it sound like I bothered to show up more than once! Cheryl flings open the door, revealing a terrified maid holding towels. Cheryl Stixx: And you— points at Danny—start radiating wealth or so help me God, I'll Venmo you another $0.07 for emotional damages! Danny Boyd: standing in the vodka puddle, sighing to himself ..."I wish I died in the womb..." The camera holds on Danny, staring into the abyss, as Cheryl's Louboutins click down the hallway. The maid slowly backs away. Screen cuts to black. Edited March 24 by Cheryl Stixx 3
Recommended Posts