Cheryl Stixx Posted May 8 Posted May 8 Cheryl’s Instagram livestream begins. She’s framed glamorously in soft pink lighting, holding a Citrus Spritz glass. A candle flickers dramatically in the background with the label ‘Redemption & Rosewater’. The screen is flooded with pink emojis as Cheryl launches into full Stixx-mode. Cheryl: Hiiii my gorge StixxStars!! I hope y’all are thriving, shining, exfoliated, and emotionally armed for Certified Greatness this weekend! Because, um—wow. The air is THICK with prophecy and petty tension, huh?! She fans herself gently with a manicured hand and smiles wider, soaking in her own drama. Cheryl: I’ve been meditating. Praying. Fasting—okay, not, like, fully fasting, but I did skip my fat-free salted caramel frappuccino with oat milk this morning, which in Bombshell scripture is basically martyrdom! And I’ve been journaling through the drama… in cursive, which we all know burns more calories… She tilts her head, adjusts her hair with a delicate flick, and continues, mock-earnest and theatrical. Cheryl: I’m in a place of spiritual slimming, babes. Trimming the fat from my life—emotionally, energetically, and in terms of screen time hogs. Because as you ALL know, I’m a God-fearing, legally-cleared, low-carb, gluten-free icon walking the path of peace, clarity, visible collarbones, and sub-10% body fat. She pauses for dramatic effect, lips pursed in smug triumph. Cheryl: I don’t carry grudges, sugarplum. Or excess water weight! She takes a dainty sip from her glass, then side-eyes the camera with a sly grin. Cheryl: And listen, listen… I know there’s been a lot of questions. ‘Is Cheryl going to throw hands?’; ‘Will she back it up?’; ‘Can she even back it up without breaking a nail?’ Cheryl: HUH?! Y’all are so nosy, and I love that about you! She sets the glass down, sits up straighter, and clasps her hands like a preacher’s wife mid-sermon. Cheryl: All I’ll say is this… Cheryl: Whatever happens at Certified Greatness? It will be legendary. Divine. Possibly violent. Possibly tearful. Possibly… therapeutic. Cheryl: And above all? It’s gonna be very Stixxational! She tosses her hair dramatically, her earrings glinting. Cheryl: Because I didn’t come back to OCW to be overlooked. I came to be unforgettable. And some people—bless their sturdy hearts—might just have to learn that the hard way. She leans in closer, eyes flicking over the live chat feed. Her expression lights up. Cheryl: Ooooh okay, question time! Let’s see… Cheryl: ‘Cheryl, do you think Marisa’s ready for you?’ Cheryl: Ready for me? Baby, she can’t even spell prepared… She grins cruelly, then shrugs casually. Cheryl: This is a woman who thought dragging my past would keep her in power—like anyone was paying attention to her promos before I walked back through that curtain. Cheryl: I’m not a rival. I’m a reckoning! She reads another question, her eyebrows lifting with theatrical curiosity. Cheryl: ‘What are you wearing to Certified Greatness?’ Cheryl: Well sugarplums, I’m still deciding between armor, leather, or nothing but divine judgment. Stay tuned… She pauses, placing a hand over her heart. Cheryl: And to all my little StixxStars: no matter what happens… Just know your girl is coming into this weekend with good intentions, great lashes, and the wrath of a woman wronged! She gives a knowing look, then leans in like it’s a secret between her and the screen. Cheryl: See y’all at Certified Greatness. Light a candle. Say a prayer. And bring snacks. Because whatever’s coming… is gonna be Stixxational! She raises her glass, then waves with the back of her hand, voice lilting. Cheryl: Stay Stixxated, and Stixx with me… Toodles! She blows a kiss, winks, and the livestream ends. 4 1
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