The Guy Fausto Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 The camera fades into a television filming set. There is a chair sitting in front of a gray screen, with a banner for D.A.R.E. hanging over it. A TV crew is sputtering about trying to prepare to record a commercial. The camera focuses in on one who seems to be the producer, a small attractive looking woman with glasses. She seems to be stressing out over something. Producer: “Where the hell is he? Damn these athletic types. Always late and causing trouble.” As she is about to continue to complain, a knock is heard on the door to the studio. She goes to open the door, and it reveals Guy Fausto with the OCW World Heavyweight Championship. He is flanked by his usual band of misfit associates. Casey is first, having her dreads in a bun with reading glasses, assuming a mockery of an assistant or secretary. Producer: “Guy Fausto, I presume?” Fausto: “Yes m’am. I’m here to do this commercial Jay says I have to do?” Producer: “As I thought. Who are they?” Fausto: “People who follow me around when I don’t need them solely for the purpose of annoying the ever living bloody hell out of me.” Casey: “I am Mr. Fausto’s assistant, and these people are his entourage.” Fausto: “I never hired you as an assistant and I don’t want an entourage following me around!” Producer: “…They…they do know what this is for, don’t they?” Fausto: “Yes?” Producer: “Then why are they all smoking cigarettes?” The Steve: “The Steve is not smoking a cigarette. The Steve will not disclose what The Steve is smoking until he’s sure you aren’t a narc.” Fausto: “Is it enough that I’m not on anything?” Morrison: “Even though he should be?” Fausto: “Prozac is expensive.” Producer: “Right…right. I suppose.” The Producer leads the pack in. She picks up a script and hands it to Fausto. Producer: “This shouldn’t take long. Just memorize the speech in there, say it on screen, and you can leave.” Fausto’s Entourage disbands and begins going around the set. They aren’t doing anything illegal. Seriously. Would I lie to you? Fausto: “I’m done.” Producer: “But you only had it for 5 seconds…” Fausto: “Photo-realistic memory. I have documentaries to watch. Let’s get this over with.” Fausto sits on the stool, with the OCW Title over his shoulder. Producer: “OK, people, let’s get this show on the road.” The crew begins to gather around the camera. Producer: “Three…two…one…ACTION.” Fausto: “Hello, I am OCW World Heavyweight Champion Guy Fausto. I’m here to talk to you tonight about Drug abuse…” As Fausto continues on with his speech, The Steve walks through the background. He stands behind Fausto as he speaks, and takes a bottle of pills out of his pocket. He begins popping them into his mouth like candy. Producer: “CUT!” Fausto: “Doing Drugs will cause you to turn into a three headed monster named Jeff…What I do?” Producer: “Nothing. It’s your buddy back there!” Fausto: “But children love The Steve!” Producer: “He’s popping pills in an anti-drug commercial! It’s pretty obvious what the problem is here!” Majin: “The Steve’s just taking his supplements. It’ll tell the kids to take their vitamins!” Producer: “Those aren’t vitamins! And why is he doing it in the back of the shot!? Why can’t he do it somewhere more…private?” The Steve: “The Steve will consume The Steve’s supplements wherever The Steve damn well pleases.” Producer: “Please get off the set!” The Steve: “The Steve will leave the set. Because The Steve wants to leave the set, not because some stuck up cunt is telling The Steve to.” The Steve leaves the set, as Guy just idly waits. Fausto: “Can we hurry up? There’s only so much time before they release Volume 5 of the documentary you know.” Producer: “Okay, let’s start rolling people. ACTION!” Fausto begins to read off the lines again. He gets along longer this time, until Michael Morrison walks behind Fausto and begins mouthing everything he’s saying mockingly. Producer: “CUT!” Fausto: “Marijuana stabbed my sister, and stole my second cousin’s car…what I do now?” Producer: “Nothing Mr. Fausto, one of your damn associates got in the shot again.” Morrison: “I was just applying the proper tone to the message. Have you even done any fact checking on some of these claims?” Producer: “It’s not important, it’s about the message.” Fausto: “But Marijuana stabbed my sister!” Casey: “…You don’t have a sister Guy.” Fausto: “…Oh yeah.” Morrison: “I suggest we consult our resident expert on Narcotics. Steve?” The Steve is half asleep on a sound crate, somehow dozing off minutes after the interrupting the taping. Producer: “He’s an expert on Narcotics?” Majin: “The Steve conducts experiments with them daily. He’s been doing human testing for years now.” The Steve rises off the sound crate. The Steve: “The Steve knows all. Do not doubt the Omnipotence of The Steve.” Fausto: “I don’t know guys. Is The Steve really the best person to ask to help film an Anti-Drug commercial?” Majin: “Hehe, what’s the worst that can happen?” The scene fades out, then fades back into Guy Fausto sitting on a chair with a newspaper. Fausto: “Well I hope you’re all happy. The ad got banned and there’s a national outrage surrounding it.” The camera pulls out to reveal interior of a jet, with the various ToP members scattered about. Morrison: “Seems the national public can’t take a little bit of the truth.” Fausto: “Steve said that drug use should be mandatory and that kids should be given their first joint at Age 5.” Morrison: “…Still, more truthful than Marijuana stabbing your non-existent sister.” Fausto: “…Sniff, Karen…” Morrison: “Please stop naming your relatives that don’t exist.” Fausto: “…You do know Anti-Drug means don’t you Steve?” The Steve is sleeping upside down on one of the seats in the jet. The Steve: “The Steve will do as he pleases.” Majin: “You know, I’ve been thinking… If we’re meant to be an anarchist anti-establishment faction who spits at conformity…why the hell do we have a jet?” Fausto: “We’ve gone corporate!” Casey: “We had the jet before that…” Fausto: “Oh…” ToP just stares into the distance collectively blankly. Fausto: “…Let’s just blame Michael Heaton.” Morrison: “Of course.” Majin: “It’s the sensible thing to do.” 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Ryder Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 This has to be the best RP done in the promo room since the opening of V3. Great job ToP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heaton Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 (v_v) http://i175.photobucket.com/albums/w157/HEATONLOL/Sephiroth01.gif Haters Gonna Hate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Morrison Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 (v_v)Don't give me that look... you know we only blame you for everything because we care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recon Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 Great roleplay T.O.P. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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