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The "Eatable" Matsuda


Patolomai

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{As the final frame of the 2011 Ambition promo draws to a close and the last glimpse of the unmistakeable ambition logo dims to black, a soothing calm darkness. All that remains... Silence ...Just silence...As life returns to the once lifeless box that we call a television our viewers are ironically similarly close to what just bestowed that very dear companion a few short moments ago.

 

{As the scene opens, our panic stricken camera man struggles to keep compsure. Sweaty palms and the heart rate of a humming bird make it near impossible to steady the camera with any consistency. With each sway images cascade through the lens like a horrific slide show.The room is dark except for a few desperate rays of sunlight that peak from behind the bedsheets hung carelessly over the rooms onely window. The floor is filthy, left over food and bone fragments make walking undetected over the once tan carpet now blackend and crusted an impossible task. The tiny room is empty, no tv, lamps, or telephone for that matter. A matress lay in the middle of the room, absent the frame and box spring. As we make our way towards the back of the room we find what use to be a nightstand. A human skull, now used as a candle holder sits atop the stand as the flame of the red wax candle gasp it's last flickers of life. A magazine is spread open infront of the skull. A tattered copy of the December edition of Rise magazine opened to the "Unbeatable" Matsuda article. It's sits soggy in a pool of what looks like human salivia. Welcome to Motel 6, home to the massive Samoan mammoth Patolomai.

 

With a crash the door to the kitchen swings open with enough force to splinter the wood around the door frame. Both the door and the cameraman fall to the ground in tandem with a thud. The silhoutte of a man too big to fit through the doorway engullfs the lens. The repetative rythm of deep huff and puff of the giants breath fogs the lens even from a distance.

 

Cameraman:(whimpers) Jesus Christ...

 

The full gerth of the near 500lbs Patolomai is almost unfathomable. A cloth sheet wraped around the waist covers the otherwise naked samoan. Tattoos canvas the massive body, long black braids sway from side to side with each step of the islander. Within seconds the chubby gold tooth Patolomai's drooling face is all that can fit into frame as he stands straddled over the camera man.

 

Patolomai: Hide...Matsuda."Aso" is almost apon us!...you must remember "Aso"(Patolomai chuckles). I still rember the screams as a young boy.. My grandfather would hang your ancestors from the "Tatu Tree" and let the salty sea breeze and sun make jerky out of their leftovers.(Patolomai releases a booming deep chuckle and grin as if he has never been more ammused)

 

Patolomai: Little spider.. You ancestors are "Aitulagi". Join them Hide... Your skull will be the first in my "Malaeopaepaeulupoo".

 

{Patolomai profusely drools over the camera lens still huffing and puffing until all

images are unrecognizable and fade to black}

 

 

Samoan translations

 

"Aso"-Kings Day

"Tatu Tree"- a tree used by Samoans to dry beef

"Aitulagi"- Ghost in the sky

"Malaeopaepaeulupoo"-Field of stacked skulls/ Sacred ground

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Hope to see you and Matsuda working together. Good shit

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