B-17

How did you get demoted?

B17: Brothers! Butch girl in the crowd: And sisters! B17: Yes! Of course, and sisters! Looking out upon the crowd of 50 B Community Members packed into a chilly 5th floor of the local YMCA, B17 feels a certain sense of pride knowing that they will follow him anywhere. A trait necessary in the upcoming battles. B17: Little Bubba Valk needs our help! Bingo slams his fist down upon the podium he stands behind. B17: Let it be known that I do not oppose Kassinity! They are free to not bathe if they wish! But to force conversion upon such an innocent women abuses our very values! We are The B Community, and we will not stand idly by and witness this assault upon freedom of choice! B17: Free Valkyrie! Crowd: Free Valkyrie! Free Valkyrie! Free Valkyrie! B17 raises his hands and motions to quiet the crowd. B17: Yes, yes. We will free her. But we will need help. Because you guys really suck… The crowd lowers their heads in unison and go silent. B17: I mean not one of you were able to properly identify the Twisted Pepperton Plunge on your written exam. Sad...So sad… B17: But never fear, I’ve brought in help! The Good Light H20! H20 strides up onto stage, revealing himself to the crowd that goes wild! Javier Hernandez can be heard marking out all the way from the back. H2O stretches his arms out wide much like a quarterback does to quiet the crowd. H20: Easy back there Mr. Hernandez. We don’t want you to tear an ACL like that stupid kicker Gramatica did years ago. Javier stops jumping up and down at H2O’s request. But can’t refrain from giggling like a schoolboy. H20: Fellow Community members, Kasstianity dark cloud is shaping to outgrow The B Community. Under no circumstances can we allow this to happen. H2O: Especially to Valkyrie! H2O: The Good Light is setting a course to save her from his sloppy 2nd 3rd 4th and 5th thot, Heather Angelo! B17: Yes! With the help of H20 and his Congregation for the Light we w---- H20: Huh? My what? B17 coughs politely and looks over at H20: Your cult… H20: Um….. I don’t have a cult. I’m a bit of a loner this season. B17 smiles: Call it what you want...but you’re no community. A sudden crash of doors causes everyone in the crowd to turn and face the back entrance of the basement. 20 burly white men burst in and spread out. They cross their arms and stare menacing out unto The B Community. B17: Ah! The Congregation is here! H20 introduce us to your flock! H20 stares in shock, uncertain of what to do. H2O whispers in B17’s ear. H20: I told you, B! I don’t have a Congregation!!! B17: Huh? H20: Don’t worry I got this... B17: Oh boy… H2O: Hello friends! If any of you guys are looking to be the new Brawny Paper Towel guy; commercial tryouts is down the road from here. The big men fold their arms and look at each other in disbelief. H2O: We would love to teach you how to wipe our $@!* right now. But we’re looking to do that to Kasstianity. H2O: So excuse yourselves from this Community or else your tryouts will start here. Congregation of Light leader: We received an invitation to this sinful meeting! How dare you shame us like this! All you people are decadit, disgusting, revolting humans. AND WE WON’T STAND FOR THIS! The Congregation launches themselves into the crowd and begins to pummel The B Community. B Community member: Ouchie! Please don’t hurt me! B17: Take your hands off my man! H20! To war! B17 jumps into the crowd begins punching everything in sight. Unfortunately for him he has no room to run, therefore no room to jump, ergo his punches are ineffective. H20: Kicks work for me, B! H20: KICK ‘EM ALL!!!!! The doors crash open again. In walks Scarlet Spider! A bald headed old man turns and screams: Kill the Spider! Three men detach from the main assault and rush at Scarlet Spider. Spider ducks the first one as the the over eager man runs head first into a wall. The second one lunges at Spider but is caught with a hoot strike. The third man is more hesitant. He picks up a baseball bat dropped by one of the assailants. The man swings but Spider easily evades. On the second swing, Spider punches through the bat by channeling his inner powah and knocks down the assailant. The first man has finally made it to his feet and stumbles up using the window seal. Spider stares him down the man runs blindly at Spider only to be swept up and slammed with a KHALLAS RYU: NO ONE KICKS OUT! Spider jumps out of the window. A five story drop... B17 rushes to the window. Spider has disappeared. No signs of him on the ground below. B17: Woah… CRACK! A baseball bat breaks over B17’s ass. B17: OWWW! The doors crash open again. Wrex and Jay Fury enter the room. Wrex: Hey! Which one of you idiots owns that Opel? I need to borr- Oh s**t. CoL extremely Aryan buff dude: HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MY CAR! Fury: Told you, should've left it alone. Maldito idiota. Wrex: What? I liked it. The juggernaut of the man picks up a nearby table and launches it at Scumciety. Both men dive to the ground. Before they can make it back to their feet the large Nazi supporter is upon them. He easily deadlifts Jay Fury above his head. Juggernaut Nazi: I'm gonna rip you in half, tiny man! But before he can Wrex sends an uppercut straight to the balls. Wrex: Watch the nutsack, c*nt! The juggernaut comes tumbling to the ground, along with Fury. Fury: What the hell, you gilipollas! Wrex: Not my fault you got caught, now grab his keys and lets go. Fury: What about B17? Wrex: He’s fine. Looks like he’s having fun. Thanks to the departing Scumocity the crowd is thinning. Most B Community Members are unconscious on the floor. CoL is now mostly focused on H20. Four men have B17 picked up and are ramming his head into the wall when the doors smash open once again. Our Hero arrives and notices all of the malarkey and or anarchy that is and will take place. He scans the room as everyone has stopped what they are doing and looks on at Our Hero! Our Hero notices B-17 who quickly smiles and waves. Our Hero rolls his eyes and starts vigorously nodding his head in a “NO” like fashion Our Hero: NOT TODAY SATAN!!!!!! Our Hero quickly grabs both doors and slams them shut behind him. You can hear very loud yelling from Our Hero in the distance. Something to the degree of “THIS IS THE OFF-SEASON I’M NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TODAY and I’M GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS DOOKIE SHOE.

Like room 1401. You can't escape.

What cartoon characters do you speak of, hmmmm?

It was an honor to be rkoed outside the ring from 15 ft high drop.

Papa? You need a Lion King moment.

Awww. Trust me when I say this. My rookie class never said such kind words.

My god. You've become a Bond Villian

Scene opens during the movie “Indiana Jones Temple of Doom” where B17 is playing Indiana Jones. Having not fully remembered every direct scene from “Temple of Doom” Dr. Bingo finds himself off script and making mistakes. Face to face with the evil Mola Ram. Short Round: Dr. Bingo cover your heart! B17’s hands shoot to his his penis. Short Round: No, Dr. Bingo your other heart! Chants in the background: Kali Jae! Kali Jae! Kali Jae! B17: NO! Kali Mugen, Kali Mugen, Kali Mugen! Mola Ram reaches for Bingo’s heart, but at the last moment B17 grabs his wrist: BINGO PUNCH. B17 smashes his massive forehead into the face of Mola Ram. Mola’s hand covers his nose with a scream. B17 takes advantage of Mola’s distraction and punches his hard in the face. Having met Arnold and Sylvester during his travels the Bingo Punch is now powered by HUGE muscles and leaves Mola unconscious as he tumbles off the rope bridge. B17: Never tell me the odds! Short Round: Huh? The room goes black. B17: Short Round! I’m Blind! Computer Voice: I’m sorry, but the Invictus Virtual Reality Simulator has low batteries. Please recharge using your OCW Power Up Rewards Card. B17 finds himself on camera sitting in a chair with a full headset on him. He reaches up and removes the helmet. His eyes are assaulted by the bright light of the morning day. A single piece of paper is taped to the headset. It reads: Always keep at full charge, reboot if he wakes up. No further questions. Do as I say. Signed Code Jackman. Still dazed, B17 doesn’t notice the many people moving around him. He’s naked and, if his eyes are to be trusted, far atop the Empire State Building. The buzz of the crowd silences immediately as he looks at them. They are an odd assortment of characters. Men and women alike. Colors galore assault his eyes all over again. The fat, young, old are all represented. Black, white, and mohicans are seen. One of them stumbles forward. B Community Representative: Mr. Bingo, sir? Are you back? B17: Where had I been? BCR: You’ve been trapped in that virtual reality machine for months! We couldn’t free you from it, but we protected you. You’ve been many places and you seemed not to notice things such as traffic! You walked blindly, but we guided you the best we could! We fed you when you slept. I gotta say, when you were on your Terminator kick with Arnold...you worked out a lot...The poor lady didn’t know what to do when you were curling her. But damn! You looking sexy! B17 looked down at his bulging biceps: Holy fack! B17: Wait, wait, wait. How? What? Who? When? Why? BCR: Code Jackman trapped you in there! B17: Why didn’t Mugen rescue me? BCR: DRAGO MIGHT HAVE KILLED HIM! B17: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. BCR: But you can avenge him! B17: Hey...let’s see how it plays out first. B17 touches his head, feeling it wigless he drops like a sack of potatoes to the ground: I’m paralyzed! But Bingo becomes entranced by his bicep muscles…. B17: You know what, no I’m not. B17 pops back up to his feet: Hm...power levels still feel a little low. Where is the wig? BCR: Code Jackman has it! B17: How did he get it? BCR: Our sources suggest Archer sold it to him. B17 throws his arms out and screams to the heavens: ARCHER! FETCH ME MY RING GEAR! BCR: We’ve prepared just the thing.

Horrible Person.

Didn't know it was an option to wait.

In a galaxy far, far away...B17 has found himself cut off from OCW. Disturbing news has reached his ears. Jacob Trance has been announced as a Hall of Fame inductee. Such great evil has not resonated through the galaxy since the slaughter of Dimsmore by the evil Darth Sensation. Driven by desire to return to the land of no more outtakes, B17 attempts to make a daring escape from The MovieVerse. Yet more bad news awaits B17. Jacob Trance has become CCW Champion.... This is the end of Turmoil. 0-5...Forever...

Everyone will lose in this dream scenario.

It takes practice to have this poor of timing.

He's your soul Train.

I liked it. 9.17 out of 10.

The B Community?

Alternate Reality World Wildlife Engagenent.

......what just happened?

No grapples either?

One slap and a punch. That's all it took.