Cactus Gauge

I'd also have to add that a few of the long matches were turmoil matches which just went way too long. There was no reason for it. Guys need to learn when they have lost the match. One of the matches was total domination and then some how at the end the other guy came back after 25 minutes. S-E-L-L Let it go, theres another match coming down the road for you to try again.

Great show everyone!

This is one of the most epic rants on 2k that i've ever listened to.

http://healthychihospitals.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/post-sample-2.jpg Scene opens up with Cactus Gauge sitting outside of a hospital in a black unmarked SUV. Drink in the console and a white bandana wrapped around his neck. He's tapping at the glass, and looking like there is a plan in his head which was about to go down. Cactus: Ok, yep, let's do this. This has got to be it. Cactus steps out of the SUV, places the bandana around his nose and mouth and walks into the hospital. He takes a moment to review the map and find the psych ward and then heads down a long hall. Cactus didn't pause at the inquiries from the nurses station as to why he was there. Cactus quickly scanned each name on the doors throughout the hall; simply looking for Jack's name to come across his view. Turning a corner he finds a man, mumbling to himself and staring at the corner of two walls. The man was short, slender and wore a top hat which had seen better days. Cactus: Jack! Damnit, I knew I'd find you. Cactus quickly grabs the medicated man and throws him over his shoulder. As he turns to walk out with his new found friend, security and nurses have now gathered to stop Cactus from taking their patient. Cactus: Look, do you know who this man is?!?! Cactus: You can't keep him in here. Security Guard: Sir, put the man down please. It's going to be ok. Lady Nurse: Please sir, listen to the officer. We can help you. Cactus: He's not an officer and I am not crazy! Jack's coming with me. Security Guard: We can't allow that to happen. Cactus looks around for an avenue of escape but only finds a window. The group is now closing in on them when Cactus pats his friend on the ass. Cactus: Hold on Jack, I am going to get you out of here. As the security officer lunges at Cactus, Cactus gives him a kick to the sternum and then jumps through the the window. Male Nurse: That was pretty impressive. Quickly gathering himself, Cactus finds "Jacks" hat and places it back on his head, before throwing him back over his shoulder. Cactus: Come on Jack, I've almost got you out of here. Sirens begin to sound as Cactus runs towards the SUV to complete the break out. Quickly opening the passenger door, Cactus throws the helpless body into the passenger seat and buckles him in. Running back to the driver seat, Cactus jumps in and throws the SUV into reverse. Before pealing away, Cactus looks over to celebrate a successful breakout with the Club leader. Cactus: We flipping did it, Jack! You're ou.... Cactus pauses as he stares into the face of a man who seemed to be 100 years old, drooling and smelling as though the adventure which he had just completed with Cactus had not been agreed to by his anus. Cactus: Ah shi... Cactus gives himself a quick slap to the forehead. Cactus: You're not Jack! Why didn't you say something! The old man mumbles something incoherently. Cactus sighs: Ya. I hear you. Cactus: Ok, new plan. Cactus unbuckles the old man and stops the SUV at the front entrance. A crowd of employees and security people are now running towards the SUV when Cactus opens the door and boots the ancient old man onto the ground. Cactus: I am sorry. That's not him. You guys were right. Cactus: But look, get him some help. He's going to need a cleaning. The SUV door slammed shut as Cactus leaves the scene in haste and the scenes fades out.

Scene opens up outside of Jack's favorite bar as Cactus walks in. The bar is empty as it's only 3 in the afternoon. A lone bartender stands behind the bar, possibly sleeping while standing up. Cactus walks up to the bar and takes a seat. Slapping the bar, he startles the bartender. Cactus: My apologizes sir. Bartender: What will it be. Cactus: I am looking for someone who attends this parsonage. He's a gentleman. A man among scalawags. He is all things that are right with this world. He is dressed well, speaks well and has the walk of a man-gazelle. Cactus: And a cranberry juice and vodka also. Bartender: I have no clue who you're talking about. Cactus slaps the bar again. Cactus: Sir. I've been molested, kicked, served and I am pretty sure I am married in 24 of the states. I've made a great movie in the jungles of Mexico, I am the greatest interviewer Turmoil has ever seen, I am beloved and I am pretty sure I offended an intern by calling her a monkey. Cactus stares off into space. Cactus: I didn't mean the last one though. Turning back, Cactus grabs the bartender by the shirt and pulls him to the other side of the bar. Cactus: I am looking for my friend. Short fella, about yea high. Cactus puts his hand up about waste height. Cactus: He speaks kind of funny and usually has a massive mound of flesh with him. His name is Jack. Cactus: Gentleman Jack. Cactus lets go of the bartender and fixes his shirt. Cactus: Now, kindly sir. Have you seen him? Bartender: He was in here 2 nights ago. He was alone and wasn't acting like himself. Was mumbling something about being enlightened and had a new way of thinking. Bartender: Sir... Cactus: What? Bartender: Sir. Bartender: He ordered water. Cactus gasp. Cactus: It can't be. Cactus stands up and stumbles backwards. Stunned at the news he had just heard. Cactus: I've got to find him quickly. Scene ends with Cactus rushing out of the bar and the bartender trying to recompose himself.

The kinda that makes you have to have therapy

http://i557.photobucket.com/albums/ss17/natedawg212000/JACKS%20GYM.jpg Outside of Gentleman Jacks Gym arrives a dust covered uber, freshly arrived from the airport. The back door opens and out steps Cactus Gauge. Tanned and refreshed, Cactus adjust his white sunglasses, grabs his bags and swings open the side door to the gym; expecting to see his fellow Club members working out. Cactus: Mennn..... Cactus looks around to an alarmingly quiet and empty gym. A faint and funny recognizable smell lingers in the air. Lights are on, but no one is home. Cactus: Where the hell is everyone? I was expecting champagne, women, music; you know - a Club welcome! Just then there was a knock at the front door. An older lady, well dress, stands outside. Cactus drops his bags and opens the door. Cactus: Yes ma'am? Lady: Are you Dustin White? Cactus: No - why? Lady: You aren't Dustin White? Lady: Do you need batteries? Lady: Sir, this is a very serious matter. I am looking for a Mr. Dustin White. Lady: Ma'am, with all due respect I don't know where anyone is and like I told you, I am not Dustin White. He's probably in his Splinter costume somewhere eating cheese and scratching his balls. I don't know where he's at and I have things to go do - so good luck to you. Cactus attempts to close to door in the lady's face when a 3 inch heel steps in the way to stop the door from closing. Cactus: What tha... Lady: Mr. White, I am not impressed by your suave look, your intense muscles or your handsome face. I am here to serve you papers AND YOU WILL take these papers. Cactus: For Pete's sake little lady, what is your problem? Cactus: And Dustin isn't this diviner. Lady: Look, I've been chasing you down for weeks. I am not leaving today until you take these papers. You will be served today. Cactus: Ma'am, I am not... Just then the door is kicked open as the little old lady places a solid kick to the bottom of the door, causing it to crash into Cactus shoulder and forcing him to fall and bump his head on the floor. The little lady steps in and stands over him. Lady: Mr. White, consider yourself served. The little lady places the papers in Cactus' bag before turning to walk out. She abruptly stops and returns to Cactus who is laying on the floor holding his head. She reaches down and feels up his chest, in the creepiest manner possible. Biting her lip she gives Cacti a wink and then turns and leaves out the door - slamming it shut. Cactus takes a few minutes to shake off the bump to the head. He reaches in and takes the newly served papers out before ripping it up and throwing it across the room. Cactus: What the hell is wrong with people now-a-days? Mean ole heifer. Cactus screams: I think that's rape in some states! Cactus: I am being molested by old ladies who are severing my turtle loving friend with papers that I could careless about. I've got a headache now, I need a drink and I have a sudden urge to spine bust someone. Cactus, while rubbing his head: I have to find Jack ... Scene fades out as Cactus sits on the floor, holding his head.

http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/osh.gif

Ya, he's been uploaded but I must have missed the 3 letter tags don't work. I'll re upload.

http://www.sannaranch.com/Trailer-Explosion.JPG Scene opens up in the middle of a small village deep in the heart of the Calakmul jungle in Mexico. Smoke rises from a fresh explosion and as the star of 'Risen Again' turns and walks towards the camera. Cactus: CUT! CUT! CUT!!! Cactus angrily stands up from his producers chair and looks around at the crew. A small monkey sits on his shoulder holding a mostly smoked cigar. Cactus: THAT'S A WRAP! Cactus begins to clap as the rest of the crew joins in - monkey included. Cactus: Great job everyone. Seriously great job! Yes, great job these past few weeks, great job. No, not you - you suck, but everyone else - great job. Cactus' star of his move 'Risen Again' walks up. Cactus: Mr. Walker you're no B-17, but... As Cactus was complimenting his star, the very mention of B-17's name caused him to collapse into a deep sleep. Monkey slaps his forehead. Cactus: Outstanding! I didn't know he was a Turmoil fan. Cactus: Someone get that man some juice! And a signed Water Hole poster while you're at it. Cactus: And take damn monkey! You'd swear I am some second rate... Cactus uncomfortably looks around. Cactus: Never mind, just get this crap cleaned up. I've got a plane to catch. Cactus puts on his shades and begins to walk towards his trailer when interrupted by an intern. Intern: Mr. Cactus. Cactus: What Monkey! Intern: Excuse me Mr. Cactus, but it's 2016. I don't think you can say that. Cactus quickly takes off his sun glasses. Cactus: Wait. Are you serious? I mean, I didn't mean anything by it. Intern: I'd advise against it, yes sir. Oh and you have a phone call. The intern hands Cactus a satellite phone. Cactus confusingly answers: Hello? The voice on the other end sounds excited, muffled and slightly paranoid with a side of psychotic. Cactus: Jack? Catching himself, Cactus realizes that someone make understand who he's talking to. Cactus: I mean.. Umm, Julius. Cactus putting his hand over his mouth and whispers: No - it's not too urban just go with it. Cactus: Wait, what are you saying? You're talking too fast. Cactus: Jules, slow down. Cactus: Wait.. Who's God? Cactus: Hold on. We're doing what now? Cactus: Yes, yes, I am on my way. Ok. Cactus hangs up the phone and hands it back to the intern before putting on his sun glasses and turning to leave. Intern: Mr. Gauge, where are you going? Cactus turns back towards the intern. Cactus: It's showtime. Cactus rolls his shoulders and flashes the Hollywood smile. Cactus: Oh, and please accept my apology with the monkey stuff. As Cactus walks off into the smoke when the intern interrupts. Intern: Did you just apologize? Cactus sighs. Cactus: Ya, it's a new Cacti coming to town. Time to get to work.

If I post the photos here, can Cactus get an update?

I am not 100% sure how this was being rolled out, but I did all of my matches. The other guy always recorded and submitted though.

12 years is really amazing. You guys should be really proud of that. I am honored to play a very small role in the ps4 side.

I gotcha. Ya, I've never had that happen yet. I can see that being an issue lol.

I am not understanding how guys are getting capped at 15 minutes. I am doing 2 and 3 hour videos for twitch and transferring over to youtube with no issues.

http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Ron-Burgundy-Confused-Look-and-Smile-Conan.gif

Well, that ending sets us up for an interesting new season. I have my own feelings about it, but I'll keep those to myself. Dennis should just wear a doggie bag on his head. He gets dumped on enough, it makes clean up easier.

35 min champ match - wow. That's one way to end the season. http://38.media.tumblr.com/0e4e5d96c31ca81660f42fb4c87e7605/tumblr_nuj8dwiGKi1smcryio2_r1_500.gif

LOL, that was kinda the point. I was slightly disappointed in it, but I knew I had the Bray thing in the pocket.

...notta peep the last 3 shows about the WH. Good or Bad. Let's go people - show me some emotions here. ;)

Just getting up to read this. Late to the party but excited to see the show.

I twitch and youtube all of my community stuff and have never had an issue at all. I know it happens but I personally haven't had it happen yet. There is also a great program called restroom.io that works great. I am all in here and I hope I've proved it. Ya, sucks to be on this crappy losing streak but even in my FPR issue, the main reason I got hammered is because I was standing up to what I thought was some newbie jerk. I learned my lessons quick and moved on. A CC will be tough for me, personally but I'll do my best. Anything else I can do, feel free to let me know. I am not nearly as good as you with graphics but I can hold my own. I also did our own website for our gaming community where I advertise and push the OCW. I also can do videos, though I don't have the great software that I want. yet! lol. You guys enjoy your small break, boss rest up, and tag me where I can help. I am all in here. I should also have some members from our community sending some apps, since I was bragging on it the other day.

Second doucebag

http://media.mlive.com/grpress/news_impact/photo/10555819-large.jpg Cactus is stuck at a customer service desk, dealing with a canceled flight due to inclement weather. His connecting flight back home is also down due to a mechanical fault in a previous flight. Desk Clerk: So, I’m terribly sorry, sir. The best we can do now is rebook you for our earliest flight to New Orleans tomorrow morning, or start processing a refund to your credit card for this leg of your trip. Cactus *sighs*: Well, I need to be in New Orleans tonight, so I guess I’ll just take the refund. Not like I am booked on the last show or anything. Desk Clerk: All right, Mr. Gauge. We will start processing your refund immediately, and again, we are terribly sorry for the inconvenience. Is there anything else I can help you with? Cactus: Where can I find a nice cold drink? Desk Clerk: Certainly sir, it’s... Suddenly the lady behind Cactus speaks up. Woman: Is that it? You’re not going to get mad? You’re not going to threaten to sue them? Cactus: “…why would I do that?” Woman: They’ve ruined your trip! They took your money and ruined everything anyway! Cactus: I highly doubt anyone here is responsible for the storm in New Orleans, and the people working customer service are certainly not responsible for a mechanical fault in the plane. Woman: But they’ve cost you hundreds of dollars! Cactus is getting slightly annoyed and isn't even answering the lady by turning around. Instead he's staring straight at the Customer Service Agent. Cactus: If they refund this leg, then it works out almost even. It’s really not a problem. Woman: What are you talking about, it’s not a problem?! Of course it’s a problem! They should be made to pay! It’s that stupid American laziness where they just don’t want to work and— Cactus: Lady, shut the @% up. The woman chokes on her words as Cactus turns and fixes a glare on her. Cactus: I had to get up before six this morning to take a one-hour bus to the airport for a flight that got delayed. I was stuck in THIS airport for hours before finding out that my other flight was cancelled, and now I have to hop the metro to catch a two-hour train to be in New Orleans hours after I was supposed to arrive. I am tired. I want a shower. I need a drink. I am on a $@^# losing streak and now I didn't even get booked for my last show! I am not in the mood to fight with this airline over an act of God, and I am definitely not in the mood to listen to you rant and rave like a @$@%&*# lunatic about something that is none of your business. Cactus: Now... Cactus: Kindly @%$# off!” Cactus turns back to the Customer Service Agent, as the woman stammers incoherently. Cactus: Merci pour votre aide. Bonne soiree. (Thanks for your help. Good evening)