100% Scottish beef.

[Joe Zhivago]

The camera fades in. Joe Zhivago is in the middle of a dressing room doing an over splits across two chairs, a hand-rolled cigarette hangs out of his mouth, filling the small room with smoke. He is wearing a black leather jacket with the words ‘Made in Scotland’ across it's back and a small Scottish flag emblazoned on the right shoulder. Beneath his jacket he wears camouflage wrestling singlet with matching green boots. There is a knock on the door.

 

Joe Zhivago: In ye’ come!

 

The door opens and a Stacy Clark walks in, she starts coughing as her lungs are assaulted by the miazma of smoke.

Stacy Clark: Hi there! *cough splutter* I hope I'm not disturbing your training! Do you have a moment for some questions?

 

Joe Zhivago: It's fine… I've always got a moment for a pretty young thing like yerself. Ask away...

Stacy blushes ever so slightly and begins her interview: You've come a long way from Scotland to join us here at OCW - what is it about this company that brought you here and what do you have to offer?

 

Joe Zhivago smirks at Stacy: Well, everybody worth their salt knows that OCW is home to some of the greatest superstars in the business. The thing that makes me different is that I'm made of 100% Scottish beef - metaphorically speaking.

 

Joe flexes his biceps, grinning at Stacy, who doesn't look as impressed as he hoped.

 

Joe continues: And everyone should know, Scottish beef is leanest and tastiest of all. I'm going to prove to everyone here at OCW that I'm the prime cut!

 

Stacy Clark looks confused: Zhivago… Zhivago, isn't that a Russian name?

 

Joe: As a matter of fact it is. My great Grandparents emigrated to Scotland during the first world war.

Stacy smirks at Joe this time: So you're not 100% Scottish beef, after all…

Joe starts to sweat, having been rumbled by the smart young interviewer.

 

Joe: Well… ummm…. Look, that's besides the point! Do you have anymore questions?

Stacy smiles wickedly: I'm afraid that's all I have time for today.

 

Stacy Clark turns to leave. Joe is still performing an over splits across the chairs.

 

Joe looks embarrassed: Wait! Can you help me get down from here?

 

The camera fades out.

[Jimmy Henry]

My man, I had you all wrong. This bit threw me...

 

What Time Zone are you in?: GMT London.

 

TARTAN ARMY STABLE IN THE NEAR FUTURE!

 

Your name reminds me of this classic Simpsons gag:

 

[Joe Zhivago]

My man, I had you all wrong. This bit threw me...

 

 

 

TARTAN ARMY STABLE IN THE NEAR FUTURE!

 

Your name reminds me of this classic Simpsons gag:

 

 

Scottish born and bred! A tartan army stable would bring the house down! :-)

 

Glad you're also ps4.

 

Someone else brought up that Simpson's gag when I first joined, haha! It will now haunt me forever.

[Jacob Trance]

God damn it, too many Scottish people.

[Joe Zhivago]

God damn it, too many Scottish people.

 

Yes and we've brought Buckfast. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buckfast_Tonic_Wine

[Aries]

I PAVED THE WAY FOR SCOTTISH WRESTLERS! Me, damn it!

[Jacob Trance]

Yes and we've brought Buckfast. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buckfast_Tonic_Wine

 

I know what Buckfast is sir. I'm Glaswegian.

[Jacob Trance]

I PAVED THE WAY FOR SCOTTISH WRESTLERS! Me, damn it!

 

You paved the way for all you can eat buffets.

 

Fat fuck.

[Aries]

You were fat before me you fat cunt

[Joe Zhivago]

I know what Buckfast is sir. I'm Glaswegian.

 

Good stuff! I knew there was someone else here from Glasgow, forgot it was you, sorry. Sure there are a few who aren't in the know!