Gentleman Jack Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Our scene opens inside an old, broken down boxing gym. The place is covered in dust and filth, the walls plastered with posters of fighters past, a rickety looking ring in the center, and off to the corner we see Gentleman Jack and his trusted adviser Barry huddled around a small TV and VCR. As the camera zooms in we see that the men are watching footage of Bray S. Spur in his multiple Turmoil matches. Let's listen in... Barry: You see that? You see the grimace on his face? That's what I'm talking about Jacky. Every time he hits that double knee to the face you can see the pain shoot through his body! That's where you'll get him! Jack: Remind me again what you know about wrestling? Or for that matter law! Hell Barry, remind me again why I keep you around??? Barry: Because Jack, you're an artist! You can't get bogged down in the mundane day to day activities of life. No! You need to be out there creating Jack! Jack: Alright... I guess that makes sense... I do hate the mundane after all. Barry: There ya go champ! See? No need to worry about a thing kid! Good ol Barry is here for you! Now c'mon, we gotta focus here! Jack: Thanks Barry, you're right. I've just been so stressed! I mean Unleashed could change my life. Barry: Don't worry about it Jacky boy. Here, take this, you'll be fine. Barry hands Jack and small handful of pills. Jack gulps them down without question. Jack: Thanks Barry. Hey, what were those anyway? Barry: Horse tranquilizers. Jack: Horse tranquilizers? Barry: Yeah, you'll feel better in no time kid! Jack: Barry??? What the hell??? I'm training for a match here and you gave me horse tranquilizers? Barry: Trust me kid, you can handle it. Besides, now you wont be sore after training! Jack: Wait, how did you even get these? Barry: I know a guy. Jack: You know a guy? Barry: Yeah I know a guy! I know lots of guys! Jesus Jack don't worry about it! Do I know a man that sells high grade horse narcotics? Yes Jack, yes I do. Is this something you of all people should be worried about right now? No Jacky, you are not. Jack: Barry, what if I get drug tested? I mean pro sports are under scrutiny these days... Barry: Drug testing?!?! Ha! Half of the Riot roster would be suspended immediately if they ever did drug testing. I'm surprised some of them aren't smoking dope on the way to the ring! Trust me, you don't have to worry. As long as you don't have a needle in your arm in the middle of the ring, you'll be just fine. Jack: No heroin, ok Barry? I like how you innocently try to bring it up but you have a problem. Barry: What? Of course not! I'm clean Jack! Haven't touched the stuff in months! Jack: I'm just saying, it'd be nice to know my manager is somewhat clear headed and not banging lady boys in a Cambodian opium den. Is that too much to ask for? Barry: You know I only go to Cambodia on the high holidays! Relax Jack, relax. Jack: Alright Barry I'm relaxed, and I'm going to trust you this time, but don't screw me! Barry: Wouldn't dream of it! Now can we please get back to your training? Jack: Sure, whats next? Barry fast forwards the VHS. The question you should be asking is who in the hell has been making VHS recordings of OCW events? That just screams creepy. Barry: Ok see how Bray is just throwing this poor schlub around like a rag doll? That's what you gotta avoid Jack! He's strong as an ox, nimble, and might be a dirtier fighter than you. He'll gouge your eyes, low blow you, and talk about banging your sister. He'll do all that and more, right in the middle of the ring. This guy don't care Jack! Jack: Super strong, weak kneed, Mediterranean asshole, got it. So I watch the dirty tricks, try not to test strength, work the knee, and keep him at reach. Sounds easy enough. Barry: Well its not that easy. Jack: What do you mean? Barry: I mean the guy has talent for days. I hate to tell you this but he's just flat better than you. Also, he's a veteran. While we've been roaming the country, making nuns blush for the last few years, this guy has been here, fighting. He's a pro Jacky, a pro. Jack: So I'm just screwed? Barry: I didn't say that! I just said he's way, way, way, wayyyyyyy better than you. But hell, we never let that stop us. All you got to do is out smart him. And look Jack, the guy's a machine in the ring, but he ain't exactly a Rhodes Scholar. I mean he can beat anybody, anywhere, anytime. But instead of carrying thirty pounds of gold around his waist, he's dicking around on the under card with you. Jack: Ok, so step one, don't die of a tranquilizer overdose. Step two, protect my balls from the grips of a savage, Mediterranean Adonis. Step three, kick him in his big dumb head. Step four, take more tranquilizers. Step five, snap his knee. Step 6, pin him. Step seven, profit. Barry: Perfect! And you did it with five less steps than those pussy AA assholes! Jack: So now what do we do? Barry: Now we work on your conditioning. Jack: How do we do that? Barry: We're going to get in that ring and I'm going to start breaking 2x4s over your back. Jack: Eat a dick Barry! I'm not letting you do that! You crazy old man! Barry: What?! It's how we used to train! Look at me! I did it for years! Jack: Jesus Barry, have you looked in a mirror lately? You look like twenty pounds of wet horseshit in a five pound bag. You literally look you could die at moment. If I got a call tomorrow telling me you died, there would be no shock in my voice when I reply “Yeah, that sounds about right.” Barry: What do you mean? Jack: What do I mean? Barry...Barry...Barry... You disgust me! You are a repulsive human being. You live on alcohol, prostitutes, reds, and sleaze. You physically disgust the women that you pay for sex Barry. They've formed a support group. You know that don't you? They're paying me next month to come as a guest speaker to give insight on dealing with day to day life while the image of you with a shirt off is seared into our brains. That Barry, that's what I meant. Barry: So I'm not hitting you with 2x4s? Jack: If I see you near a piece of wood I will strike you with my ring hand Barry. I swear to god, right across your pudgy, grotesque face. Barry: You're real uppity for a guy that makes the life decisions you do. Jack: Gee Barry I wonder why I make those decisions? Maybe it's because my closest friend and adviser in the world is an unlicensed lawyer with a pituitary problem! Barry: You mean that Jack? Really? I'm your best friend? Jack: That's what you're taking from this conversation?! Barry: I just want you know, I love you too Jack. Barry tries to hug Jack with no success. Jack: No! Stay away! You're a walking cesspool of stds! I can hear the crabs Barry! I can hear them! Noooooo!!!!!!! Our scene ends with Barry chasing Jack around the room, trying valiantly to get that hug. 4 http://i.imgur.com/FPLnAHN.jpg http://ocwfed.tv/recapppv/Award2k16/pushingthelimit.png
Donovan Mercer Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 these promos are amazing! Patron saint of bad jokes
Recommended Posts