Snarkaholic Exclusive - ADE Press Conference: “Looking into the Future”

[El Parca]

A crowded press room is waiting for one of the key figures in ADE LLC, Thomas Archer. Following his beyond successful return to OCW action, Dennis Dillinger arranged this press release and meeting for Archer to reveal some of the future plans for ADE. 

 

Thomas Archer enters the room, wearing a stylish Gucci suit with fully blacked out sunglasses. The cameras start going crazy, flashes going off everywhere, media members shouting trying to get their questions off to Archer. 

 

Archer arrives at his stand and puts his hand up. The flashes cease, the media members quickly quiet down as Archer takes the microphone and starts speaking into it. 

 

Archer: Thank you all for coming, I can see that some of you are drinking sparkling water and I am legally bound to tell you that the antidote for the poison is at the reception by the front door. I will not be answering questions on what poison it was, or why it is in the bottled static.

 

We will now begin by discussing the ADE venture, a venture that has been so successful that Oxford personally called me this morning to say “Tommy old chap, I will be putting ADE next to the definition of success in my next book” and I laughed. I told him it wasn’t good enough, so good old Oxford he came to an agreement and now in the dictionary going forward you will see that the definition of ADE is in fact, success, and not the other way around. You could say the entire venture has been a huge ADE.

 

Other triumphs include my one off return against Bolek, ensuring he can never get his win back and that every time it’s cold he walks with a limp. Dennis Dillinger  has been an absolute champion of dealing with our public image and affairs, top notch guy.

 

Then moving on to another champion, I used to refer him as a Bitch Coward but I have come to know El Parca as a Bad Bitch. He is the real deal, he’s quick, he’s fast, and even though he wears a mask, I trust him.

 

He has assembled a competent team in Nova and Bishop, who are going to be monumental pillars of the ADE umbrella going forward.

 

Speaking of going forward, we will not stop there, there are other projects being lined up, opportunities to be explored. Our reach, our success, its limitless as long as we apply ourselves properly.

 

Once again, I will not be answering any questions on the poison.

 

Media members quickly gasp and are startled as they start motioning toward the door. Archer in his typical fashion begins manically laughing as he walks to the door and exits. Flashes are still seen going as he’s exiting, clearly those taking the pictures either don’t care about their lives or are calling his bluff.

Edited February 14 by El Parca

[Quartz]