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Iceberg LeTuce

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*The scene opens in the OCWFED Cafeteria where Iceberg Le’Tuce and a woman are sitting at a dirty table. Le’Tuce is holding a long mahogany box with gold clips on it. He is stroking the box and then turns to the woman*


Le’Tuce: Bitch, You know what this is? This is something my father handed down to me on his death bed. This is worth more than two hours with you and that cute little Persian chick.

Eva: What is it?

*A waitress comes over to the table and after taking Eva’s order, turns to Le’Tuce*

Waitress: Can I take your order?

Le’Tuce: Yeah ill have a hamburger, hold the salad.

*The waitress heads in the direction of the kitchen and a young boy is seen heading towards the table. Le’Tuce opens the box, revealing a long white glove and a gold


Le’Tuce: This is the glove my daddy used to keep his bitches in line. You see it was foretold…

*Le’Tuce is cut off by the young boy who is holding a pen and paper*

Boy: Can I get an autograph Mr Lettuce?



* Le’Tuce pulls out the glove and slaps the boy across the face with it. The boy runs over to his mother crying and bumps into the waitress on his way there.*

Eva: Wow that’s one powerful backhander.


*The waitress reaches the table and puts a plate in front of Eva and a plate in front of Le’Tuce*


Waitress: One hamburger hold the lettuce.


Le’Tuce: ITS LE TOO SA…..oh right sorry lady braugh.


*The camera fades leaving Le’Tuce eating his hamburger and Eva placing the glove back into its box*



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*The camera fades back in to Recon sitting at a table across the



*Recon gets up and strolls over to Iceberg's table*


*Iceberg looks up*


Iceberg: Aren't you alittle old to be asking for an autograph, braugh?


Recon: No, I only get autographs from people who I know are going to

be worth something someday!!


*Iceberg stands up, knocking his chair to the ground and gets into Recon's



Iceberg: Who the hell do you think you are??


Recon: I am your worst nightmare if you don't start treating your fans with

alittle bit more respect, especially the little kids. I saw what you did to

that child just afew minutes ago.


*Iceberg starts to chuckle*


Iceberg: Listen braugh..


*Iceberg gets into Recon's face even more*


*Recon clocks Iceberg with a right, knocking him backwards, over the chair

he had knocked over earlier*


*Recon looks at the hamburger*


Recon: Hmm.. looks like it needs some Lettuce..


*Recon grabs the hamburger, then rubs it in Iceberg's face*


Recon: The name's Recon and looks like lunch is on you!!!


*Recon stands up and begins to walk out of the cafeteria*


*Eva goes to Iceberg's side to help him up*

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**An old face walks past the Eva tending to Iceberg's burgerface. He's sipping a SoCo & lime, and puffing on what appears to be some sort of cigarette. The man stops, and looks down at the fiasco's remnants...**


Versus: Damn...what a waste of a good burger. That reminds me, I need to get a f*ckin burger.


**Eva looks up.**


Versus: Hamburger, slut, not a fur burger, calm yourself clam and wipe up that puddle. I ain't that good lookin...or am I?


**Versus strolls off, just a-sippin and a-puffin'. **

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