Christian Garcia

Yakub Nicole Allen, you wide-hipped demon, you godless heathen, you agent of all that is evil and painful in this world, I swear to god if you were not so insistent on not having children I would end your entire bloodline, but instead, I shall settle for placing a curse upon ye. May your socks always be mildly damp. May a rock ever find its way into the creases of your shoe. May your ass always itch in public, where it would be most inappropriate for you to scratch it. I hope all the bad things happen to you, and you only, you son of a bitch. Great show guys, full review during the week!

Indeed, it's not Cassie. Instead, it's the so-called "Player Hater Of The Year" and self-proclaimed Haterweight Champion Of The World, Christian Garcia, dressed in a suit vest, red shirt and tie, and slacks. His hair is tied up in a high topknot, and on his wrist is a brand new Rolex watch. It seems that the former Future Investment has been paid again. Jasmin, for her part, seems terrified, scooting back on her table and looking at the door as if she's going to call for help. CG: Calmate, mi carina, calmate. I'm not going to hurt you. Emp would probably give me a nice bonus if I finished what her girls started, but Scum handles our business, and TOG handles theirs. No, I've been meaning to talk to you since I saw what happened out there. See, I think you finally understand me. Jasmin: What could I possibly hope to understand about you, you snake!? CG: I've still got plenty of bite, so mind that mouth. My point is... I saw that look on your face. I heard you from out in the hall. You're mad, lil' miss. You see what Empress and her girls are doing, you see Debbie D doing more in this sport than you could ever do with your paper championship... and you're pissed. You're angry. CG walks forward, and Jasmin runs out of table to back up on. He pokes her in the sternum once, then twice. CG: You got that hate in your heart... just like me. I wonder what you call it. Righteous anger? Justice? Integrity? I don't really care. But what matters to me is the fact that you aren't nearly as clean as you think you are. You saw what your man did to John Carter. You've seen what I do to people. And think about it. Aside from Miss Daturas... every friend you've ever had has betrayed you! CG: Flojo, Ashley, Debbie, Aries, John... even me, if you feel inclined to feel that way, though I would call it less 'betrayal' and more 'a harsh lesson'. CG: How long, Jasmin? How long are you going to hold onto this delusion that you belong in this business? This place isn't for you, hija. This is a den of liars, thieves, and killers. You wandered into the wrong woods... and now the big bad wolves are gonna be nipping at your heels for as long as you hold that championship. CG: Sooner or later, you're gonna have to show some claws- ???: Cubano! Another voice, familiar yet not identifiable, comes from the door. CG turns to look at the door. CG: ¿Qué es eso? ???: Basta de juegos. Tenemos trabajo que hacer. CG: Si, si, dame un segundo. With that, CG turns back to Jasmin with a sickeningly false smile, and tips an invisible hat to her. CG: Best of luck, champ. Can tell you from experience... your friends won't stay your friends long. With that, CG exits the room, leaving a shaken Jasmin to watch the door with wide eyes and a cold sweat running down her brow.

Backstage after the assault on her leg by TOG, Jasmin Kaffee sits, glowering, on the medical table as she watches Debbie D's recent rampage across the independent circuit on a monitor. There's an uncharacteristic hardness to her face, like she wants to scream, but can't. Her silent glowering is interrupted by the arrival of one of the OCW medical team, a young woman about her age. Med Team Member: Good news, Jas. Doesn't seem to be any tear or fracture, though I'm not ruling out a sprain or a bruise just yet... I don't think you'll need to take any time off. In fact, I think we can clear you for Riot- Jasmin: Thank you, Cassie- Cassie: Under one condition. Jasmin turns her glare to the young woman, who returns it with an impassive smile. Cassie: I want you to wear a brace, just to be safe. Jasmin: I don't need a GODDA- Cassie seems momentarily taken aback, and Jasmin, too, seems surprised, stopping herself short. Jasmin: ...A gosh-darned knee brace. I ain't never had an injury before. I can walk on it just fine, look. Jasmin, to illustrate her point, attempts to stand up off the table. She manages to put a little bit of weight on the leg, but audibly cries out the moment she shifts her full weight forward, leaning back with haste. Cassie: Please don't make it any worse, Jas. I haven't signed the paperwork yet, so if you don't consent to the brace... I can't in good conscience clear you for next week. Jasmin seems to mull over this for a moment, before sighing in defeat and nodding her head. Jasmin: I'll wear it. Cassie: Good. I gotta go get that paperwork done and turned in to Miss Empress- Jasmin: She'd have made me wrestle anyway. Cassie: Maybe so, but I would have stood by you. So would all the ladies in the locker room. The ones that matter, anyway. You take it easy, I'll be right back. With that, Cassie leaves the room, and Jasmin. Turning her attention back to the monitor, Jasmin's anger seems even more apparent, completely divorced from the usually kind and gentle Pro Wrestling Powerhouse. She runs her fingers through her matted hair, just as the door opens again. Jasmin: Cassie, I'm sorry for snapping- CG: I'm not Cassie.

It's backstage at Riot 600, and an impromptu press conference has been set up for the various wrestlers after a night of massive sea change for OCW. Many have come and gone, but now it's Jasmin Kaffee's turn. The Pro Wrestling Powerhouse has a hot towel wrapped around her neck, noticeable streaks in her makeup, and otherwise just looks like she's been through it. Interviewer 1: Jasmin, Dick van Diet, first of all, congratulations on your championship victory tonight... you went to absolute war with Harri out there. First question to you, this is your biggest victory to date in OCW, so I just want to get an idea of how you feel right now. Jasmin laughs, shaking her head. Jasmin: I feel like I'm gonna wake up in bed with my boyfriend and this is all gonna be a really weird dream. Am I dreaming? Is this real? There's some muted chuckling from the crowd, but Jasmin manages to compose herself long enough to give a proper response. Jasmin: I feel like I had a lot to prove tonight. I owe a lot of people a lot of thanks, so let me just get that out of the way. Terra, Sue, and Dragana have always believed in me from the very beginning, even when things got really bad, and I didn't believe in myself. I owe them the world and more. Jasmin: Stephen McCallum, Aries, took me in at a vulnerable point in my career and tried to set me on the right path, and as weird and complicated as the stuff at the Academy got there at the end. I wish he were around to see this. I wish we were still around to see this. Jasmin: Thanks to Bill Pine for picking up where he left off and finishing my training, as tough as it was sometimes. I know I'm not the best student in the world. And... Jasmin looks a bit conflicted. She looks around the room, as if looking for someone, a deep sense of sadness in her eyes as she doesn't seem to find them. She sighs, the microphone picking up her physical and emotional exhaustion as she turns back to the crowd. Jasmin: In the locker room before my match, I had an honest conversation with myself in the mirror. I didn't think I deserved to even be here, much less have this opportunity. I've never felt like I've belonged here. I never understood professional wrestling. Jasmin: I understood how to wrestle, that much is clear, and I can't thank all my teachers and friends enough for putting me on the right track. But I don't get... this. I don't get how someone can be your friend for a few months and then you stab them in the back over some perceived disrespect. Jasmin: I don't get how you can be so hateful as to put on a mask and try to hurt someone who only ever looked up to you, in spite of everything that happened before. I don't understand the need for all these mind games and cheap tricks. Jasmin: Here's what I understand. Harri Etiquette has been game from day one. We locked horns for the first time on the second show of the Ambition reboot as part of a fatal four way match, and I won that match by a lucky shot. Harri put on a show in there. I could have told you back there she was better than me. Jasmin: And from that day to now, it's been tough for me. I've gotten knocked down more times than I can count, but I always get back up. I've had moments where I doubted I belonged in this company, but my friends, my loved ones, my son, have always been there telling me to get back up again and get back in there. Jasmin: A-and it's been hard. But it's been worth it. The pain, the struggle, the tears, it's all been worth it. Because no matter what happens after tonight, no matter what EMP says, no matter what Christian Garcia says, no matter what anyone else says. Jasmin: Tonight, on Riot 600, Jasmin Kaffee was the baddest woman on the planet. Jasmin Kaffee went in there with Harri Etiquette, took her to the absolute limit, and came out on top. Jasmin Kaffee proved she belongs here. Jasmin Kaffee proved it to everyone that ever doubted her, but most of all she proved it to herself. Jasmin: Jasmin Kaffee can go home tonight to her apartment, show this championship to her son, and say "Spencer, this is for you. This is proof that I am good enough not just as a wrestler, but as your mother. That I can provide for you, that I can be an example that you can be proud of." Jasmin: And you can take this title from around my waist, but you can NEVER take that from me. Jasmin pauses, looking around the now-quiet press room, and cracks another nervous chuckle, placing her head in her hands. Jasmin: I went a little off the rails there, didn't I? Uh, next question. Thanks, Dick. The crowd chuckles along with her, and another interviewer speaks up. Interviewer 2: Jasmin, Arnold Armbar with MMA Front and Center...

The great family of wrestling lost another member on February 26th, as long-time independent wrestling standout Colm MacGregor, better known under the ring name Jared MacGregor, has passed away. Most famous for his work in the European (German/Austrian/Italian), UK, and Japanese wrestling scenes, "The Rambler" was known for his hard-hitting technical style that belied his 5'9", 215 pound frame. A 32-year veteran of the sport, Jared was best known for feuds with the likes of Tommy Tocarelli, Wes Holiday, Titus Wojcieck, and Atsushi Hada, better known as KINGU. Jared was beloved by his fellow independent wrestlers and is remembered fondly as a locker room leader, a proud champion of the King's Sport, and a devoted father to his two children, Chastity (who wrestles on the british independent scene as Cassie MacGregor), and Tacitus (best known for his rugby career with Munster and recent signing with OCW, under the ring name Jared MacGregor Junior). We wish all the best for the MacGregor family in these trying times.

Will edit this with a full show review when I’m settled into the new place, but I will say that I’m very pleased at how well things are going.

Super Bowl or no Super Bowl, Harvey or no Harvey, we still Dem Boyz!!!!!!

Guy gets one shot upside the head with a chair and gets the night off, I get assaulted by a HGH gorilla and I gotta fight the world champion the next night.

I believe that if Jake personally came to my house and slapped me every time i did a kip-up on the outside, I'd stop. My door is unlocked.

First show off the break pimp.

I'm tired and deeply depressed, so it's time for a review. Jasmin/Debbie. I was shocked that Jake wanted to work with me on this. I procrastinated on it a lot. I had the program with Flojo, then the thing with Ashley, but it was worth it. It was a genuinely fun story to tell, for me as a person and for Jasmin as a character, and I feel like I've come a long way. Thank you, Jake, for being great. P3. It's P3. It's funny and the dick on a stick joke made me chuckle a bit. Owen/Parca. Good enough. Wasn't expecting this stip but fair enough. Went a little long, Parca continues his trend of getting MURDAAA'D by big meaty men. Looking forward to where Owen goes from here with the championship. Please keep the black strap. I think it looks nice. John/"Aries" promo. I don't know what the point of this was. Aries as a character is apparently dead, until he isn't, I suppose, never say 'die', but this promo just feels... off. Weird. Like a lot of the stuff John has done lately. I don't get it. In before 'Dick Rider'. Marisa/Amber. Match went too long. Other than that, great stuff. Ry worked hard to get me to care about both of his matches. He succeeded. Great match, right woman won. Claudio/Tre. Claudio experiment successful. Don't leave, Tre. This was a great feud thanks to you two, and that means both of you. Everyone has an off night on the sticks. Don't beat yourself up over it. One of my favorite feuds going into the PPV, two of my favorite ppl going out of it. Thanks for all your hard work. I love Melon. Hito/Horse. Brutal. Enjoyed all of it. Just a grody, nasty fight and I had a blast. Thank you both. Mildly racist Horse is still funny. Looking forward to seeing where they both go from here. Women's title. Less surprised at the cash in and more that Furi lost. Sky's the limit for Harri and Mujera both. Wouldn't mind seeing them run it back on TV or another ppv. Great stuff from both of them. Jackmo return. Cool. Stomp Hanzo's 'rooky' ass for me and Jake please. Great stuff. Hanzo is appreciated. Reese vs. Nate. Good match. A little clunky at times, but never felt taken out of it. Shocked that Reese lost, but good for Nate for holding on and hanging tough. Jae emotionally terrorized. Colin vs. H2O. In hindsight, match of the night. Gutted Colin couldn't pull it off. He hurt Harvey bad. Never seen Harv so desparate for the win. Made him work fr. Excited too see where Colin goes and who challenges Harv. No idea who it could be. Mind telling me Maxx is going for round two but I could be wrong. Kass vs. Quartz. Shockingly close, great match, loved that Kass got the first fall to make Jay sweat. Good fucking shit. Had a blast. Great show. Thanks for the awesome birthday gift. Merry christmas, enjoy your break, hope you enjoyed my contributions as much as I did yours. More to come.

CG: I didn’t want Jasmin here. I never did. She was making mad money in MMA, she was undefeated, she was un-fucking-stoppable, and do you know what happened? Once again, lil’ bro Miguel flexed his muscles because he thought she was pretty, and got her a job. And man, I’ll tell you what, I loved Miguel back then… CG: But brother needed to get his eyes checked. Stacy: To her credit, Miss Kaffee is extremely talented, though the transition to professional wrestling hasn’t been particularly easy for her- CG: Of course it hasn’t been easy, Stacy. She’s not a wrestler. I taught her how to grapple. She was a kickboxer and a cheerleader growing up, she’s not a wrestler. She came up watching people like Tiberius Dupree, Paul Pugh, Dimmsmore, Sean McGee, Patolomai, but she never understood it. CG: It was all just fun and games to her. CG takes another long drag of his cigar while Stacy continues to press him with questions. Stacy: What about the GOAT Academy? CG: What about the fucking GOAT Academy? I went there out of desperation. I was convinced that bank-addicted drug robber, rest in piss, had something I needed. Jasmin followed me like a lost puppy because that’s all she knows how to do. That, and she looked up to the guy. With a taste in role models like hers, are you surprised she ended up like this? Stacy: Jasmin told us in her first interview with the company that she looked up to you. Would you say that was a mistake, too? CG seems momentarily taken aback by the question, and Stacy pounces at the opportunity. Stacy: This isn’t about Jasmin Kaffee anymore, isn’t it? This isn’t about El Parca. This isn’t about DDE, this isn’t about Marcus McMichaels. This is about you. CG: What the hell are you talking about? Stacy: This is about you, Christian. This is about your rookie year. You have been done wrong by people. You have had your trust abused. You have been taken advantage of, lied to, and deceived. And your response is to try and take it out on everyone else around you, is that it? CG goes to say something, but is cut off by Stacy. Stacy: I am not finished, Mr. Garcia. You seem to be under the impression that everyone in this company has had it in for you from the very beginning, when that was never the case. The fans were genuinely behind you when you left DDE behind. People genuinely cheered for you when you defeated Cort Marshall. Stacy: People were firmly behind you when you went into your match with Viktor Karmine, injured as you were, and they remained behind you until you showed us all the truth. Stacy: Christian Garcia, you are not the Future Investment. You’re not The Last of Your Kind. You’re a sad, paranoid, and scared husk of the man you were at Turmoil 279 and Wrestlution 16. Garcia opens his mouth to protest, only to be cut off again. Stacy: And if that weren't the truth, then you tell me this. Why did you call out Miguel after Wrestlution? If Miguel 'stole' your title, if he 'envied' you, if he 'plotted' against you, then why did you fire the first shot? Why open the door? Stacy: You wanted what you believed was justice, Christian Garcia. And you failed. And when you looked in the mirror that night, you chose to blame the people who supported you for that failure. And now here you are, with nothing and no one but the faded memory of DDE and the doors of Scumchester Academy. Stacy: If I may ask the question I came here to ask, Christian. If I can finally get the truth out of you, after two months of you dodging the question. Stacy: Why are you doing this? There's an even longer pause. CG seems stunned, unable to look away from Stacy but seemingly unwilling to engage with her. He starts to say something, only to stop short, and draw his lips into a thin line. His expression shifts from one of barely contained rage, to... something else. The silence is only broken when he stands up out of his chair, and flicks the still lit cigar at Stacy, who bats it aside with her hand before it can land on her dress. CG walks away and out of the frame silently, leaving an irate Stacy to look at him as he retreats. She turns back to the camera, and makes a 'cut' motion with her hand.

Stacy: Pardon? Garcia pauses to blow out a ring of smoke in Stacy's direction, before continuing with a dead level tone. Garcia: I blame all of you. 'Very rough first year'. Let me tell you something. I came in with three other young talent. Name them. Name any one of them. Name. One. Stacy has to think for a moment, but is able to clearly recall at least one name. Stacy: Nathaniel Anderson. Garcia: And where is Nathaniel Anderson now? Where is Manik Mercer? Where is Hunter McIntyre? Where is Connor Harnage? Stacy doesn’t have a response, and Garcia nods with a satisfied hum, taking another puff off his cigar. Garcia: I stayed, Stacey. Through ALL of this, I stayed. I was embarrassed by TWC in my first match. Not only did John Carter repeatedly interfere to cost me the match, he tried to shave my head. I got put in a ‘rookie rush’ that fell apart because one big-mouth couldn’t keep his name out of the dirt sheets for ten minutes. Garcia: Then, whaddya know, there comes my golden ticket, all I gotta do is beat up an old man and pick a fight with Harvey Hamilton Ocean. Garcia: And what do I get for my trouble? Garcia begins counting on his fingers. Garcia: Smashed by Tyson Wagner. Crushed by KD. I’m the laughing stock of the company because Wrex showed up to his first DDE payday zooted off his mind. Big-Timed because the movie star Justin Jehst tripped over a fucking lighting rig, but could still make it to his match with Tony Touch. Lost my opportunity at the S-Cup, TWICE, and then the winner does nothing with the opportunity he's given but dawdle around with John Carter and the Wrestle Cunts. Garcia: And above all that, I got taken for a ride by my little bro Miguel. I get made a fool out of by Wrex on the night of my biggest triumph. I took Rust Cohle to the limit, and I won. I defeated the North American Champion that night, and I did it on my own terms. I didn’t break the rules, I didn’t have anybody in my corner, I didn’t take a shortcut. Garcia: And again, I end up on the business end of two beatdowns. One from Siddhant, and need I remind you I came closer than ANY man to beating that big galoot, and the other from Wrex. Garcia: But of course, there’s Stephen McCallum, come to rescue me, come to show me the way to paradise! No such luck. First thing I did was turn ‘Hyper Mantis Red’ to ‘Hyper Mantis Dead’. Done. Washed. See you when you spoil your own return, AGAIN. Garcia: Put on an instant classic against Derek Smith, BANGER. Lost that match, everyone wrote me off. You know what I did then? I went and squared off against Wrex for the North American Title. And I WON. I took him to the limit in his own match, and I WON. And I kept winning my way to the greatest technical masterclass of the season at Wrestlution in Wembley, and then I kept winning until Miguel, being Miguel, got his lucky shot and did what he set out to do. Garcia: Grand Slam Primero hadn’t taken enough from me, so he had to take my title, because I had the one thing he couldn't lord over me anymore. Stacy: You asked for that match against El Parca, Mr. Garcia. Why? CG falls silent, staring at Stacy with his slow-burning cigar in hand. They sit there like that for a solid minute, simply staring. Stacy: Why did you- CG: Ask me again and I’ll smack the shit out of you. Stacy: You won’t lay a hand on me if you want to keep your job. Regardless, we’ll move on. Jasmin Kaffee. What happened to the two of you, you were friends- CG: She was my protege. Not my ‘girlfriend’ like some of these stupid marks like Deborah Soto have been saying- News flash, Debbie! CG points to the ring on his finger as he turns to the camera. CG: I am a happily married man, married to the most wonderful husband in the world. I am queer fucking excellence, so shut your mouth and focus on the cage match you big-mouthed your way into and beat that little leech’s ass before you come talking at me out the side of your mouth. CG: But nah, let’s go back to talking about Jasmin.

Our camera finds Stacey Clark sitting with a face all too familiar to the OCW faithful. It's Christian Garcia, and El Cubano doesn't seem to be too happy, a cuban cigar in one hand as he stares daggers at the seasoned interviewer. The setting is far more formal than your average OCW production: it's clear that this is a special occasion. Stacy: Good evening, OCW fans, my name is Stacy Clark, and you're watching an OCWFED.com exclusive edition of the Clark Effect. My guest tonight, the recently controversial Christian Garcia. Garcia doesn't respond to his less-than-flattering introduction, instead taking a drag of his cigar. Stacy: Mr. Garcia. You've always been a very vocal man, ever since we first met over a year ago, when you confronted Wrex backstage for your first time after your loss to Chris Greene. Garcia: Motherfuckers love to bring that up, huh? Stacy: Mr. Garcia, you're already facing mounting fines for your behavior as of late, I suggest we keep the profanity to a minimum. Garcia: Oh, right, we're a decent show now, I forget. It's not like Marisa Expensive's honkers aren't hanging out every week on TV, right? Stacy: Mr. Garcia, please. Garcia: Are you gonna ask a question or not? Stacy composes herself, and continues. Stacy: You've had a very rough first year in OCW, and that's not unusual for rookie prospects like yourself- Garcia: I'm a thirty-four year old man with almost a decade of combat sports experience, and you call me a rookie. Stacy: -you were taken into the Dennis Dillinger Enterprises system very early in your career. You were faced with a multitude of challenges. You were tested against men like Maxx Edwards, Derek Smith and Sheldon Tremblay, who went on to become champions, or men like Tyson Wagner and El Parca- Garcia: Don't talk about Miguel. Stacy: Mr. Garcia, I think we need to talk about Miguel. Garcia shifts uncomfortably in his seat, but Stacy doesn't back down. Stacy: Throughout the entire run of DDE, through its growing pains to the short-lived Dane Xavier experiment, to the introduction of the Nuclear Option and Gonzalo Munoz, you were always seen as El Parca's right hand man. Garcia: I was. We were close. You know how I saw Miguel? He was like my little brother, Stacy. You love to do your research, you know I had a little brother before, right? Do you know what happened to him? There's an eerie silence cast over the interview, and now it's Stacy's turn to look uncomfortable. Garcia: I grew up with nothing. I had to scratch and claw my way to this place on a college wrestling scholarship, a few MMA fights, four televised deathmatches in bingo halls, and a dream. And it took me until I was 33 years old. Miguel was young. Hungry. He'd already gotten to the big time, but he wanted more. All of us do. Garcia: I saw a little brother there, Stacy. Do you know who christened him 'El Primero'? It was me. 'El Primero'. The First. Because he would come first in DDE. It didn't matter about me. As much as he would have told you otherwise, it didn't matter about Dane Xavier. It didn't matter about Wrex, not at first. Garcia: Miguel bought me fine cars and rolex watches and put money in my niece and nephew's college funds, because I gave him counsel. I steered him on the right path. And look where he's gone, now. Broken. Lost. Alone. Trying to collect the pieces of the life he destroyed to get here. Garcia: It cost him everything. Just like it cost ME everything. Stacy: Do you blame El Parca for your current predicament? Do you blame Jasmin Kaffee? Marcus McMichaels? John Carter? Garcia: No. I blame you.

Backstage at the Queen of OCW tournament, interviews are being conducted with the various women knocked out of the tournament, with this particular interview coming at Jasmin Kaffee, who’s holding a bag of ice to her neck. She looks dejected, but is still trying to smile as reporters start asking their questions. Interviewer 1: Miss Kaffee, Dick Van Diet here, first of all, a heartbreaking loss for you tonight against Harri Ettiquete, but a valiant performance nonetheless. Do you have anything to say to your fans after tonight? Jasmin: I have fans? There’s an awkward laugh from somewhere in the back of the room. Jasmin isn’t laughing. The young woman manages to keep her sullen smile intact as she answers. Jasmin: I’ll be honest, I was surprised I’d even gotten into the tournament. There are a lot more women who that deserved the opportunity over me, so I’m just thankful that I got that chance. I would have liked to win the whole thing, but, you gotta be realistic. Interviewer 2: Jasmin, John Ross Capp from Combatcapacity.net, this tournament marks the second time an opportunity at the women’s championship was taken out of your hands after the women’s future investment— Jasmin: John, I really don’t wanna talk about that. That’s different. I lost tonight fair and square. I just ain’t good enough. It happens. Next question, please. Interviewer 2: Apologies, but, this is more about what’s going on now. First it was Lotus Flojo, now Debbie D- Jasmin: Deborah Soto. Interviewer 2: Deborah Soto attacked you last week. Clearly, you’re not physically nor mentally at one-hundred percent. Do you have any idea what comes next? Jasmin: Next question. Please. There’s a small clamor, and Jasmin leans upward in her seat to see the source of the commotion. There’s a small boy, about seven or eight years old, being held in the arms of a gentleman with a press tag. Jasmin noticeably perks up at the sight. Jasmin: You two got a question for me? Dad-terviewer puts his microphone up to the young boy, but before he can say anything, the mic is snatched by a familiar face… one Christian Garcia, wearing what appears to be a Harri Etiquette hoodie. CG: Actually, I have a question, Jasmin! Jasmin goes noticeably pale and sits back down. The interviewer, who isn’t a small man, tries to take the mic from CG, who shoves the guy off him hard enough that he has to scramble to avoid falling over their seats. CG: You got cleaned out, again. I did some counting, see, and as it stands now your record in OCW, counting your fluke win that I handed to you a couple weeks back, is 3-8. Every woman in this tournament bracket, with the exception of Furiosa, has beaten you now. You are the Chicago Bears of OCW, and Harri Etiquette came out on her Aaron Rodgers shit tonight. CG: My question to you, is a simple one. When are you gonna accept that you don’t belong in this company. You don’t work like these other women. You don’t work like the guys in the back. You don’t work like ME! CG motions to the crowd, who are all looking at him with a mix of shock and revulsion. There’s a rare appearance from OCW Security, as well, one of whom is approaching Garcia from the side. CG: You gonna answer me? You don’t have that killer in you anymore. I carried you to an undefeated streak in OCW, and what do you do? You go hugging up on Lotus Flojo and Terra Daturas, you go trying to get Aries to be your new daddy, you go drag TWC into your pity party nonsense, and now you’re trying to beg for sympathy because you got WASHED! CG: What about my son this, I’m better than this that, shut the fu- The mic goes dead, and CG gives it a puzzled look. Shrugging his shoulders, he pitches it into the crowd, bouncing it off a person’s head before finally noticing the rare OCW official, and flipping him two one-finger salutes as he hurries to vacate the premises. He continues shouting in spite of his lack of mic. CG: I don’t wanna see you or your HGH mutant sex pet on my show this week, Jasmin! You can’t hide from reality forever! With that, CG leaves, security and a few camera-wielding reporters in tow. There’s a long pall of silence, broken by occasional murmuring, before one of the interviewed speaks up again. Interviewer 2: Jasmin- Jasmin simply stands up, and walks away from the podium. For a brief moment, the microphone picks up muffled sobbing.

I respectfully disagree. The Kingu/Cody commentary was kind of silly and it did get somewhat excessive, but it didn’t really affect my enjoyment of the match as much as listening to weird ‘no homo’ ‘banter’ did. That’s just how I feel about it though. One was kind of dumb, one was just gross.

In recent wrestling news, former OCW North American Champion and current creepy bastard Christian Garcia has received a rather hefty fine for the streams of invective he spewed in his appearances on the latest episode of Turmoil. After the move of the brand to TV-MA, it was expected that some superstars would be given more liberty with their lines, but Garcia has reportedly rubbed backstage officials the wrong way with his profanity-laden tirades on and off-camera. The Santa Fe resident was initially fined $500 for the offense, with steeper fines to follow on repeat offenses. However, the fine was doubled after, reportedly, Garcia responded to officials informing him of this decision with further invective and profanity, including calling OCW official Greg a "dick rider". Whereculture reached out to Mr. Garcia for comment, and were told, and we quote: "I don't hold L's." Garcia is coming off of a closely-contested pair of wins against Viktor Karmine and Satohiko 'AISU' Hitta, and appears to be set to face The Wrestling Club's Marcus McMichaels at some point in the near future. As of reporting, Garcia has not paid his fines.

Alright. The purpose of commentary is to put over the product. You call the action in the ring, you put over the competitors in the match, you give the contest stakes and weight, and above all, you put over the product. There’s humor and character in commentary, of course, and not everyone has the same level of enjoyment. Not everyone is all about Booker T’s SHUCKY DUCKY QUACK QUACK or Mauro barreling over his commentary partners, but at the end of the day, the focus should be on the match in the ring and the show / product. The downright masturbatory and self-aggrandizing ‘no homo bro’ commentary of the past couple of Ambition shows has officially bled over onto Turmoil, and I hated it. It damn near took me out of the match, and I’m clearly not the only one. It’s uncomfortable to listen to. It’s a shame, too, because usually Brian is a pretty solid hand on commentary, and Nick is up there with Jake to me as far as the quality of his play-by-play and integration of storylines and character history into matches. I know both of these guys can do better than this. ON TO THE REVIEW I'm not gonna go beat for beat (beat) but I am gonna talk mostly about the things I liked, as the things I don't like have been beaten to death. I really like this new effort from Tre. I can tell he really wants this feud, and really wants this win, and it really effects how he's been writing and engaging with the content. Great first challenger for Claudio, and Claudio looks like a menace with the title regardless. Either man could win this match, and I'd be happy with it, although I look forward to the 'funny' jokes about the 'Claudio Experiment' should Tre manage to squeeze a win. Pugh didn't elbow drop his shirt. 0/10. Garbage. I hope Pugh falls into a shallow ditch and drowns. I hope Rusty puts his boot on the back of his neck and assists him in this journey. The D stands for 'Destroyed my heart'. I have to admit, I had the lowest of low expectations for Cody Omega. I was a Cody Omega hater. I watched and waited for the moment where he left the server, thinking he'd be slick, and thereby spoiling the results of this match for all of us to see. I am happy and proud to hold my L and admit I was wrong. He put on a pretty good match, has a decent and recognizable look, and I know this shouldn't be encouraged, but him breaking FPR and then IMMEDIATELY flipping off the hard cam popped me harder than almost anything in my year+ in OCW at this point. Fantastic. Literal perfection. Cannot make this shit up. Every time he cheats or does a dirty move in a match I need him to do that. Absolute MADMAN. BINGO RETURN! BINGO RETURN! BINGO RETURN! BINGO RETURN! I'm the hephiest little NB who ever NB'ed. Even if it's almost certainly one match on one show only, I'm very pleased to see it, and look forward to seeing how they build it up with Adam's issues w/ the game. I can't wait to see what this kooky, creative bunch pulls off. Alyssa Marceaux joining the entire women's division in bullying the fuck out of Jasmin Kaffee. I'm pretty sure from this promo she's involved with Parker's menagerie, as is... someone else... but I'm interested to see where she takes it, off of this feud with Catriona. I liked this Kasstianity promo, except for one thing- KD didn't call these women SISSAYS. Good, enjoyable promo. It's strange to see Kasstianity as this solid, united front (save for maybe Mujera) as opposed to team OCW, who has maybe four, at most five or six, willing members that don't necessarily get along. That's all that really sticks out to me and comes to mind. I don't want to beat a dead horse.

Pugh: YOU CAN'T DO ME! YOU CAN'T BE ME! Rust: HOOOOOOOT! Pugh: HOOOOOOOT! Rust: HOOOOOOT! Pugh: HOOOOOOOT! drops the elbow on his hawaiian shirt

Quick and Dirty Review! Pugh is literally doing the Ric Flair vs. Jay Lethal and I am so, so, SO here for it. I need to see Rust hit that jank-ass 'slapjack' Pughdigree at least once in this storyline. Colin, if you play 'all I want for Christmas is you' in a promo again, I will not kill you. Death would be too merciful a fate. Time to run down the show! Triple threat I hated this match. Triple threats are very un-fun and I had no idea what to do when they were just banging it out in there, but there were a couple of fun spots and my botchamania-worthy fumbles had me absolutely cackling when we did the recording. JMJ 2, Kasstianity 0. Where's MY phone call, Quartz? Thought we were a team. SPEAKING OF TEAM Colin/Quartz promo Colin a GOAT for mentioning Reversi, that's my SHIT. I enjoy the vibe that's been created here. Despite not really winning any big matches besides holding on to the OCW title, Kasstianity still manages to remain a credible threat solely by how fast they're going and how much more of a threat their members become after joining it (see Chris Greene). Bluejitu mention also will always pop me. Paid in Full I actually don't really get the name, but I've heard way worse names in my time in OCW so go off! We've finally found out whose name we are suffering in, I suppose, and this gimmick's brought Flojo some much needed new life. Win-win. Primero's Last(?) Ride Man, is it weird seeing Dennis Dillinger as a tweener. Clearly, El Parca's crazy run as a heel since last Wrestlution is weighting heavy on the masked man's heart, color me shocked! It seems like the honeymoon season of Fighting Szn is over, and although I doubt Owen's Him in terms of the guy to end El Parca's recent run, time will tell. Winter is Coming RETURN OF THE MAC! RETURN OF THE MAC! RETURN OF THE MAC! YOU KNEW THAT HE'D BE BACK! I'm so glad to see what I'm 90 percent sure is Iceman making his big return. I don't know if he'll still be in the Wolves, or a solo act again, or what he's going to do, but I'm excited! AT3 implode(?) AT3 are having a bad time, no big surprise. I admit with no shame and no excuses that I haven't been following their story too closely, but I do look forward to seeing where they as a unit go, as I think both guys have a lot more upside as their own unit than as a tag team, for reasons that are mostly 'out of kayfabe'. Debbie D vs. Catriona McCallum Catriona taking her dad's sudden and violent demise remarkably well, all things considered! Not good enough to win the match, but it was just solid all around. Dunno about the weird Emp cosplayer trying to run her pockets, or why she's calling herself Alyssa Marceaux, but go off, queen. Right woman won, fa sho. The Answer To A Question That Nobody Asked Ho-lee shit it's gonna be hilarious seeing how this guy reacts to getting folded up for the first time. Surprisingly good production value from a new guy, though! I was very impressed, I'll admit I didn't see this coming. Good luck, bud, stick around. Sanctum Lads Chillin' After that short little tease at a heel turn it seems like Sanctum are trying to wobble their way back on track. Fine by me, I see no reason why they can't be on either side of the fence, though aside from Kasstianity there's no heel tag team that immediately jumps to my mind... unless... Daddy Fraser's tired and thinking of passing the baton on to Owen and Sheldon. I wouldn't hate that, but I'd also like to see him hang around in singles, don't really wanna see him go away. Paid In Full vs. Hareem Etiquette Fuck Aries. Fuck Nate Ortiz. Fuck Spider. Fuck Pugh. Fuck everybody. KAREEM FRANKLIN IS MY GOD. Loved Kareem in this match especially, this was a 'star-making performance' by OCW standards if there ever was one. Nobody looked bad ere, but Kareem looked especially great. Alex Asher returns I'm glad that Asher did his own editing without handing it all off on someone else, even if it didn't go so hot on the first try. He made the effort, and seeing as that wasn't something he really did before, I'm glad that he at least tried. Don't be discouraged- keep on working at it. You'll get better with time! Debbie and Jas reconcile It's almost as if, instead of beating the shit out of each other, two grown women can talk about their problems and sort things out maturely! Claudio/Quartz The question Quartz was asking is How Big is Sean McGee- I mean, Claudio's dick? Jokes aside, liked this promo. The Hott Boy will not be bought, will not be seduced, and most certainly will not be deceived. My forecast is Hott Boyy SZN all winter long, and that'll keep your cocoa warm, baby! WOOOO! Loving Claudio as a champ. Ry is such a great writer and this is a massive opportunity for elevation. Fraser vs. Tre featuring Claudio Good match. Tre mounting a few babyface comebacks but Fraser is a champion for a reason. Loved Tre's return, love his vibes, love his presentation. Not much else to say about the match itself. Claudio a buster for treating him like that but hey, you wanna talk mad disrespectful to the guy who just did time? Not sure that's the smartest idea. Poor Mujera I really hope someone can get thru to Mujera because she's clearly not happy in Kasstianity anymore. Poor baby :((. Also, rare Alexa appearance! I barely see her do anything on TV anymore, it feels like. Love to see it. TWC Implodes Credit to John for doing a fucking amazing job on this promo. He really nailed his shit on this one, was happy to work w/ him on it. Hito vs. Reese Hated the finish, rest of the match was amazing. Not much else to say! Just good stuff all around. WHAT'S IN THE BOOOOX!? WHAT'S IN THE BOOOOOX!? It's Sideshow Bob. Karmine's on his Sean O'Haire shit rn and I love it! Looking forward to seeing where Shakey Yakey takes this, without a doubt it will at least be interesting. Ashley/Van Park Least interesting part of the show for me, sorry. I'm still not sure I understand what all lead to Ashley being 'punished' by Emp here. Like, I know the storyline reason, but it doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I know the match and the payoff will be amazing, so I'm not fussed. When this is the least interesting part of the show, you have a FUCKING FANTASTIC show. Marissa promo It's a Marissa promo. 'Pretty good' is the standard. Pretty sure her dad is possessed at this point, which I think is the general consensus, but it'll def be interesting to see where they take this. C-Note vs. Sheldon hype Just gonna be a good match overall. Love both of these guys and look forward to seeing them tear ass. Derek vs. Maxx Derek needed this win, BAD. I really hope he's able to find his own footing now that Aries is almost certainly dead. For all this talk of the 'failed Derek Experiment', Derek worked hard to get into that title picture, even if he sorta fell off after he won it. There's been worse champions. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt. Santa Harri Respectfully, I would like Harri to shake me like a Christmas present and then throw me into a wall like a kid who just found clothes inside the present he was absolutely sure was an Xbox, thank you ma'am. Scotty X Promo Scotty Promo. I really don't get all the hype around this guy, but we have a lot of good people on Xbox and I look forward to seeing who's gonna work with him. Marcus / CG Again, great working with Doc. This is the most fun I've had with OCW since I joined, more than DDE, more than GOAT Academy, more than being North American Champion, and I hope my work reflects that. Looking forward to taking y'all along to the next stop. Pugh and French Pugh Rust/Pugh WOO-off when? H2O vs. Claudio You were talking all that good shit before, Claudio, then you got kicked in your chest! Good match, nothing else really to say about it. The failed cash-in to close out the show was amazing, loved that shit. FINAL THOTS This show was STACKED! TWC completely crumbling, Kasstianity looking as strong, if not stronger, than ever other than that one pre-show fumble, new stars, old stars, and plenty of great content, both written and video form. I'm very happy with this show. More of this, please!

I mean who’s gonna argue with the best wrestler on the Plant? Although I will lay claim to the title of the Most Fungus Amungus

He's not gonna fuck you. Aside from Turra, I haven't really seen any women in my time in OCW with a 'tomboy' / pixie cut kind of look going on, and I figured the look fit Jasmin a lot better since she's otherwise a pretty generic-looking individual.

According to insider reports, newly-hired OCW manager B.C. Hathaway, formerly independent professional wrestler Blake Cooper, is scheduled to appear on Don't Come to New York for an expose interview with Stacy Clark. Hathaway recently made waves after sending a compilation of videos to OCWFED.com regarding the relatively new women's superstar Jasmin Kaffee, who is also reportedly making an appearance on the big show to address her ongoing feud with Debbie D. Notably, Cooper's independent run included long tag team runs with former North American Champion Christian Garcia, who could not be reached for comment about the recent signing. B.C. states that this interview is being made as a truth-telling effort, and he claims that he will unveil the identity of the masked man identifying himself as 'Templario Oscuro', who appeared on RIOT to taunt Jasmin Kaffee after her loss to Ashley Moore.

I get that we're not supposed to like TWC in 'kayfabe', but this level of OOC burial is ridiculous. Did we not just have a big PSA about stuff kinda like this? There's a time and a place for 'burying' your opponent (in character), I fully admit I've gone a little harder than I should on one or two of my opponents in promos. If you're facing someone people really like, it's an alright way to get some heat on you, especially if you put on a really good match, and ESPECIALLY if they manage to beat you, everyone will come out looking good. But this is excessive. This is personal beef gone wrong, gone too far. This is someone, in particular, being biased against TWC and trying to sabotage them. That's the only way I can see this being made, as an executive decision. I could be wrong. It could just be a misguided idea to try and build something up. I have a hard time seeing it that way.