OCW RIOT- January 24th, 2007

[Seth Morrison]

Been busy all week, sorry havent been able to quote on this yet.

 

As for my balls touching justin time.... Well his ass is hairless, and soft n gentle like a 12 year old korean boy, so yeah thats defiantely a possiblity its been flopping across his ass cheeks

[Seth Morrison]

AA REVIEW

 

- Fat albert n Friends

 

First RP of the night is kicked off with a badass entrance video for Jay and his group of flunkies.

 

Starts out with jay talking about scrambled eggs and omelettes. Got my ass hungry. Jay seriously makes a good heel. I hated seeing him in the forums as an asshole, then only to be a fae in OCW. Very good begnning RP, and hype to Ortiz/Majin

 

HOYL FUCK, the "you sold out" chant in the Ortiz video was fucking awesome.

 

All i know is Caseys tit wasnt killed in vein. BradBauer you will pay for her tit cancer!!!

 

Chubby Vs. Black Canada

 

No clue why this was the beginning match, but then again all of Smythes matches kick off Riot. Good music, so i didnt mind watching this all the way through.

 

Fausto knows how to set up moves. He has a good flow, and his matches are enjoyable to watch, this one was no different. At the beginning Fausto put the clinic on Smythie, but surprisingly enough, Smythie was able to turn this into a fight. All until Fausto hit the Macho Man elbow drop on his black ass!!

 

Entertaining match 4/5 beers

 

- Poison attacks his maker. Sorta

 

Well looking at it, seems poison and Guy arent emo buddies anymore. Viscious attack on Poison, and seems that Poison put the stamp on his ass. I am really looking forward to this match. As i know Poison is good at the game, but i havent been here long enough to judge if hes better than Guy. I doubt it, but we'll see.

 

Blade (not the black one) Vs. Anthony Martin

 

Blade, not digging the music. Sounds like a whinier version of teh Monkees. We dont monkee aroooooound.

 

Martin definately has a good CAW. Extremely small hands, but a good caw.

 

On to the match. I hate matches with no music, so i skimmed through this. I do not liek the sounds of "HooH" and "UGH" and "SLAM". Martin Steves going to kick your ass for using the triple suplex. Good match, didnt have the flow that Smythe, and Guys match did, but not a bad match. I liek your finisher Martin. Your actually quite markworthy. Im diggin this rook.

 

Match didnt impress enough 3/5 beers

- Vinnie Valmont calls out the KAAAANG and announces he will no longer serve Whoppers.

 

Nice intro vidoe VV. I like your CAW, you seperate yourself from others. But for God sakes trim down the leg size. Your legs look like tree stumps.

 

Anyway, this has turned into a good rivalry and both guys have good RP skills, which has lead to a markworthy feud that has made it to the clash. The 3rd video where VV looks as if he might enter the ring, but doesnt, to have KAANG to jump on his ass. MARK MARK!!! Looking forward as this progresses

 

Is it me or does VV look like Jsutin Timberlake on ROIDS

 

- Nate beats up daddy, worst than a family on COPs

 

Very nice how Nate turns on the rican. Best part of the RP is " Jay - Help " LMAO. I can see him yelp like a lap dog.

 

Justin Timberlake Vs. Scott Steiner

 

Wow one sided match totally. Nice editing job o have bold come out and wreck Josiah and then to hand VV his own ass. Bold looked impressive, and id love to see what hes got for the veterans.

 

Although it was good match for Bold, his finisher was shit, and VV looked like shit. 2/5 beers

 

CJ ( Anti America) Vs. Parker ( Sneeze my gimmicks changed)

 

I am one who marks for both these guys. Parker is a rook who has stepped the fuck up, and fast. I like this dude, but he needs to stick with one personality. He makes a good Hardcore Champ, maybe one day will wear that belt as well as Majin did.

 

Onto the match. I like hardcore matchs on the new game due to the cool things you can do with the weapons. However, the timing on some of these moves, sucked. I must say, PArker is a badass, and i am calling it here first. PARKER WILL BE DJ FOR THE NA CHAMPIONSHIP!!!! I like how Parker set CJ up for the finisher, but i was disapointed when he hit him with the piledriver. Sorry Parker, that move sucks..

 

Not a bad match, but due to bad timing with weapons, mostly one sided, and parkers sucky finisher. 2/5 beers

 

 

DJ Donkey Kong Vs. Honkey Fearo

 

I think we can all agree thus this far, DJs entrance is the best. Music, Jeff Hardy piece, all. However Fearos Entrance was MARKWORTHY as FUCK!!!!! Jump around, and the wigger outfit, CLASSIC!!!!

 

Ok now to the match. Nice flow, early on. Nice music. Both guys pulled off some cool moves, and cool reverses. Double Red, both guys wanting to pull off that win. At this point i have no clue whose going to win. Fearo pulls off a power slam, then his hump move. PINS DJ..... 1....2...3 Shit!!

Exciting match, awesome entrances, awesome caws, close match, and surprising win. Definately pulls off MOTN for me. Gets 4.5/5 beers.

 

Cajin Majin Vs. Ed "Raven Safety" Reed

 

I have to say, Majins entrance and titontron is fucking badass. Blake Majin is such an original character, you almost forget he is feminine.

 

Good flowing match, good music. I marked at Reed backflipping into Casey. Reminded me of real wrassling. Close clos match, could have went either way. Majin starts to bleed and runs his mascara. Sad truly sad. Well Reed reverses Majins finisher and soon hits him with the REED ____ whatever his moves called.

 

Good match, good CAWs, and good movement. Not the DJ Fearo match, but definately entertaining. 3.5/5 beers

[Vincent Valmont]

I am indeed, bringing sexy back.

 

Nice review, AA.

[Parker]

Hey AA! my gimmik doesnt change all the time..just my finisher lol :)

[Jake Powers]

It's back! *insert rock music*

The Riot Report with Jake "Super" Powers

"I love the Riot report so much I based my movie Eyes Wide Shut on its content" - Stanley Kubrick

Nate Sensation

Jaysin decides that woman beating actually leads to something good as he explains to us all that his omlettes taste better because of his new ingredient Nate. Casey also warns Brad Bauer to stop playing with her TiTs.

 

Smythe vs. Fausto

After his win over Ed Reed I was expecting our resident rapper to have a good match against the "Chop Shop". I thought he did ok but as expected Guy came out on top after a diving elbow to the solar plexus.

 

Dress Nice and Have a Shower

While Guy "adresses the events" Poison attacks him from behind, apparently due to Guy not taking his help when Poison tried to save him. Thus Posion challenges him to a Cell match (violence ftw!).

 

Blade vs. Martin

I thought this match was much better than last weeks marathon run, and the match was close throughout. In the end though, the outcome was decided by a boot to Blade's face, which was probably powerful enough to penetrate those goggles of his.

 

Ninja Wannabes Always Fail

Valmont thinks he's cool because he's good at sneaking up on Kang and hitting him in the back. After he challenges him to counting backwards James appears with the news that at the Clash it will be a 1 on 1 match, thus eliminating Valmont's chances of sneak attacking him. they then try to kill each other but some stupid security guards ruin the fight.

 

Attack of the Crazy Limo Driver From Hell

While in in Limo Jaysin is shocked to discover the driver is Nate who invites him to hell...

 

Josiah Cross vs. Valmont who is Cross (at James)

When you get a match with an angry guy, and a guy who has a synonym of anger in his name you expect results. But wait! It's Bold! (who is built like a tank it seems) Bold also seems to do the same damage as a tank destroying Valmont and finishes him off with the Yohansen slam for some reason.

Attack of the Crazy Limo Driver From Hell Pt. 2

So it turns out Nate was pretending earlier and isn't really an omlette ingredient. Instead he's a psycho who wants to send Jaysin to the fishes, cinderblock and all (possibly something to do with Jayisn screwing him out of matches, and having Majin try to kill him). However Nate fails to realise that the kiddies pool isn't deep enough for Jaysin to drown in so Jaysin escapes with his life.

 

Reed San

Reed has another mystery meeting and this time we can tell from the language that it must be a Japanese friend of his.

 

Harcore Championship Match - Venom *C* vs. Hoppus

As mentioned by a few people on the forums now, Venom must be close to the record for the number of sucessful title defences in 1 title run? He won this match too btw.

 

Attack of the Crazy Limo Driver From Hell Pt.3

Casey has heard the news and warns the others that there's a Nate imposter on the loose, kidnapping people such as Jaysin.

 

DJ Chino vs. Fearo

The Stick vs the Flab King looked to be an interesting match and it was actually quite interesting to watch their contrasting styles. Fearo has, imo, some of the best timing in OCW, so it was near impossible for DJ to get through his defence, and just as tough to defend against Fearo's attacks. Thus the majority of DJ's damage came from hit and run style offense. Eventually they got each other DR but it took ages for them to finish each other off. Although in the end it was decided by the move that should be censored. And at the end... wtf!?

Attack of the Crazy Limo Driver from Hell Pt.4

Team Omlette begin the search for their missing friends and the imposter Nate interrogating a stagehand.

 

Two Assholes and a Chair

DJ's talking to Hazel after the match only to be smacked by a chair. Cue SDW with his new buddy P"V"S. DJ doesn't look too worried though (possibly he hasn't realised 2 vs 1 is a bit one sided).

 

Mind Games are One Half of the Law or Something

Blood meets with TBDTTP (I always have to double check that to make sure I got it right - too many letters for an acronym) to make sure he's still getting his title shot. Strider seems so sure of himself that he offers to put both titles on the line. Reed objects in fear of losing his tag titles. Dick sees an opportunity and initiates stereotypical British bad guy mode, captilaizing on some team friction to mess with their minds.

 

Main Event - Blake vs. Ed

Ed Reed's blue attire is awesome. Blake and Casey are always dressed to impress. thus people could not be blamed for mistaking this match for a fashion show. But there was some wrestling (Ed Reed can actually pull off those moves that end with a Kip-up imo - normally I die a little inside when I see people use them). Reed put on a good performance but due to circumstances beyond his control (Casey) he missed out on the win... or so I thought.

Attack of the Crazy Limo Driver From Hell - The End is Not Near, It's Here

After the Main Event Team Omlette return to their quest of locating Sensation. They luckily come across him just in time (not a reference to the wrestler) as his clothes had, by now, probably soaked up enough water to make him slightly chilled.

 

Quote of the Night - When told to do his talking in the ring Blood replies with "It's where I do my best negotiations."

 

Move of the Night - Venom suplexing Hoppus through the table. I have never seen that move before so thought it should be rewarded.

 

Match of the Night - DJ Chino vs Robert Fearo. I like matches that can go either way and this was on a knife edge for at least 5 minutes.