Riot 579 ULTRA Edition!

[Mr.Sensation]

http://ocwfed.tv/recapshow/Riot/RiotUltraSM2k22.png

A B+ PPV AT WORST!

[B-17]

H20 vs. IJITU QUARTZ©

 

3.5

 

CONNOR vs. OWEN

 

2.9

 

JOE DEAVER vs. ELLIOT PARKER vs. JUST DEREK

 

1.5

 

HARRIS TURNER vs. TOBIN FROST

 

4.0

 

COLBY MCCALLUM & JORDAN TRANCE vs. JUSTICE INC, LLC

 

3.3

 

MINA V. vs. ASHLEY MOORE

 

3.1

 

ALISTAIR ROSS vs. JACOB TRANCE

 

3.7

 

H20 vs. MAXX EDWARDS*

 

3.1

 

Segment of the night: Quartz and H20 Brawl Through the Night.

[Tiberius Dupree]

So many things took away from the Main Event.

 

Sed I was hyped for Maxx vs H20, but it seemed like an afterthought.

[Michael Morrison]

H2O / QUARTZ

 

With Ijitu Quartz on the brink of surpassing Harvey Hamilton Ocean’s record as the longest-reigning OCW World Heavyweight Champion, Harvey makes one final attempt to keep his reign on top by challenging his brother, Quartz to an impromptu match... right here... right now.

 

This is a risky move from the perspective of OCW booking/promotions -- it can take away from the anticipation of the scheduled PPV match... or, perhaps, add to the draw of the PPV... especially if it ends via a draw or questionable tactics.

 

As far as the fans go, it’s a surefire way to get a big pop; however, if the match doesn’t bang, you’re making it very hard for the rest of the show to dig their way out. I, personally, enjoyed the match and the ensuing backstage brawl, but some may say I’m easily entertained.

 

 

 

THE WRESTLING CLUB

 

Marcus McMichaels is tired of the sanctimonious lies of Sanctum, The Wolves of Vanguard, and the OCW elite. He vows to restore the good name of TWC while reminding all other, would-be factions, of their dominance.

 

John Carter points out the flaws in all their contemporaries -- like a controlling girlfriend who wants to point out why YOU should be the one getting her coffee every morning because you will never find anyone better.

 

Elliot Parker questions everyone’s understanding of nature, food chains, and why puppies are not good for hunting.

 

 

 

CORT MARSHALL

 

Cort literally tries to keep his cool as staff removes everything from his, formerly, tag-team locker room. All things related to Jehst must go, including the rented mini-fridge. Cort is forced to stack his cans and drink them up before they are no longer worth consuming... he may have to do the same for his career.

 

 

 

JOANA SILVER

 

Is there anything more damaging than abandonment? Is there anything that forces the need for self-reliance, better than the time you reached for a helping hand... only to get a boot-to-duh-face? Joana Sliver has learned this life lesson and now she is stronger than ever. She will test her strength against Harri Etiquette, who has recently aligned herself with Ashley Moore... but maybe that’s not enough to save her from the House of Faith.

 

 

 

P3 / UNCROWNED

 

Even though DOC apparently had some heated history with P3, the man’s not hot. Water under the bridge... like sand through an hourglass. Speaking of sand; Mr. Graham Green III realizes the similarities between Tony Everrett and the spineless sand spider of OCW – Ryu Matsumoto.

 

The evidence is admittedly staggering; however, the theory is easily disproved and gives way to other brilliant buffooneries.

 

Tony Ev does manage to reveal some strategy for Jacob “Papa Bear” Trance, but can you ever really trust when someone openly offers their plans for an upcoming fight?

 

 

 

H2O / QUARTZ P.2

 

Harvey tries to cut a quick promo to hype the crowd for his second match of the night, but almost gets cut in half as Quartz lets out a guttural, predatorial scream before connecting with a spear. The battle rages on backstage as both men succumb to their primal urges. Brothers... am-I-right?

 

 

 

RUST COHLE / CHRISTIAN GARCIA

 

Rust Cohle was intent on getting dirty with Alastair “Brexit from Wrexit” Ross, especially since he was only able to put his hands on Christian Garcia last week, but the cocaine cowboy of DDE is a hard man to reach.

 

No need to worry, as Mr. Garcia is more than willing to pop some Perrier to earn some respect. He’s done with the games and is ready to climb that ladder, even if it means he has no one to hold it still for him. One on one... middle of the ring... put up, or shut up.

 

Like a French Fairy Godmother, Rust grants his wish and puts a lil’ dollop of respect on top for good measure.

 

 

 

LOTUS FLOJO / FURIOSA (Heather Angelo)

 

Lotus tries to quickly slip in and out of Furiosa’s locker room, only to find The Furious One slipping further into a dark place. The prominent imagery of Papa Kass and Alexa Hayes is displayed on the wall as we are left to wonder if she still praises both... or either.

 

The only certainty she reveals is that she should be feared... that she WILL be feared. Well, check one off your list of worrywarts, because she scares me more than Parca ever will.

 

 

 

D.D.E.

 

The cartel... sorry, the Drug Delivery Exports... sorry, DDE, is up to their usual shady dealings when Christian Garcia busts through an old trope... sorry, an old door. He would love to bust through the glass ceiling as well, but it’s difficult to rise when being held down by a maniacal midget, a human dust-buster, and a deceitful, dollar-driven douchebag.

 

Like in any family dispute, harsh things are said that can’t be taken back... Especially when they’re said with the help of Duolingo. No one wants to apologize twice... or with captions.

 

Only advice would be the usual: allow for more time to read -- I rather pause than try to speed-read, because it doesn’t allow me to fully absorb the details – and maybe make it a bit easier to tell who is speaking.

 

 

 

TERRA DATURAS / SUE PLEX / ALEXA HAYES

 

Sue and Terra prepare to leave while taking a moment to acknowledge how crazy the week has been. They reference “The Announcement” once again, but before they can drop any more clues, the atmosphere changes due to Alexa “Happiness Hooligan” Hayes. Alexa makes some disparaging comments towards Sue – the likes that are typically made by insecure men... like a Parca, for example.

 

Terra doesn’t allow Alexa to poison their well but is willing to hear more about it in the ring next week. I don’t think the discussion will involve that many words, but I’m sure someone will make their point.

 

 

 

MARI$A XPENSIVE

 

Mari$a didn’t have a match tonight but is always up to grab some attention (among other things) whilst entertaining the horny hoards that encompass the OCW audience. Covid has been hard on us, so we might as well fight fire with fire. I just hope that nothing burns afterward.

 

 

 

H2O / QUARTZ P.3

 

Mari$a’s bikini bonanza is rudely interrupted by the bash’em brothers ova’here. While I try to avoid being bonked, these two are supplying enough bonks for all of us.

 

Perhaps this will end with a satisfactory, "what are you doing, step-bro?”

 

 

 

ANTONIO EVERRETT / JACOB TRANCE

 

Having no luck last week, Tony Ev attempts to call out Jacob “Big Bear” Trance so they can speak, man-to-man. Antonio doesn’t want this to turn into a family feud, but if you can’t find the bear you want to poke... maybe poppin’ the baby bear in the mouth will lure poppa out of the cave.

 

Things get heated, of course, and Tony makes a valiant effort, but Jacob manages to get a handful of honey after knocking down the hive.

 

Tony Ev eventually reunites with his title belt thanks to our wonderful OCW staff and officials. He reveals that he never intended to hurt Jordan Trance; the threat was a bluff meant to draw out the real target. Now that Ev has seen Jacob’s hand, it’s time to deal some damage of his own.

 

This was a decent setup, as it paints Jacob as the goliath he is. It doesn’t matter how good you are, when you face a man of Trance’s stature, every hit counts. Tony is a clever lad, and to be honest, I doubt even a big boy like Trance can receive everyone’s favorite knee, without taking a knee of his own.

 

Let us not forget that Tony also has quite a pool of talented friends and family who can possibly help offset the size difference. However, considering how Tony wants to repackage himself, this may very well lead to a legit 1-on-1.

 

 

 

CORT MARSHAL / OWEN / TIBERIUS DUPREE

 

Cort has finished off that pyramid of beers and attempts to fill America’s belly with some potato hoagies, but manages to run into quite the wall. It is none other than the human chopping block, Owen, from Sanctum. Sammies are dropped, words are thrown and mustard is misplaced.

 

Cort loses his hoagies, and Owen ends up with a yellow-stained jacket... so, I guess you could say it was all a wash at the end [snorts].

 

Thankfully, the titan of TURMOIL, Mr. Tiberius Dupree is there to prevent any further stains... whether they be mustard or human ketchup. Still, could this lead to a feud... or will Cort be taken under another wing. Hopefully a stiffer, sturdier wing... that isn’t covered in BBQ sauce, but rather, with discipline. Sanctum could be that very wing.

 

 

 

THOMAS ARCHER

 

Archer uses his power and influence, once again, to avoid confrontation with justice... Justice Inc, that is. Instead, Jordan Trance fills in (probably for the better, if you ask me) and tags with Colby McCallum. At this rate, the IRS has a better chance of putting Archer in his place than the OCW roster... or staff for that matter. Shameful.

 

 

 

FURIOSA / LA MUJERA OSCURA / ALEXA HAYES

 

Furiosa is popular today, but considering how close she is to cuttin’ a bysh, I’m surprised so many people keep making themselves at home. This time around, she gets the privilege of interacting with the OCW Women’s Champion: La Mujera Oscura, who tries to lay some mental traps. Whether or not, La Mujera actually fears and respects Furiosa, what could it hurt to stay on her good side?

 

Alexa ain’t no fool; however, having spread her fair share of neurological nets. This seems like a very dangerous game of Texas Hold’Em.

 

 

 

MAXX EDWARDS / HARRIS TURNER

 

Maxx offers Harris a gift as a sign of respect; hoping that it will reduce any heat between them. Harris should be grateful... not many people can afford the Maxx Edwards & Thomas Archer Quest 2... or META-QUEST2 for short... if you consider that short.

 

Harris, being the mistrusting type – only sees the bad in people – seems to think that Maxx is just trying to buy his way out of a title match. Harris spouts off nonsense like, “I earned this” and “I love holding on to grudges because I thrive in toxic environments “. I may be paraphrasing but you can make that distinction on your own.

 

Maxx, being the epidemy of championship material, offers Harris some invaluable advice before turning the other cheek like a good Christian lad.

 

 

 

AC COBRA / TELOS

 

Cobra pulls the standard heel move of insulting the blue-collared members of the audience while comparing himself to Telos. The segment ends with, what I believe to be, their official Tag Team name: Deadzone.

 

Fun Facts: Deadzone has various ties to the gaming community, but it most commonly represents a small area around a game controller's thumb stick that doesn't respond to stick movement. Deadzones are built into games so that old controllers with slightly worn-out sticks will not cause movement when the control is sitting still. The more you don’t need to know.

 

The overall RP was fine, outside of some grammar choices – one of which I mentioned in a previous review. Seeing as AC is obviously a fan of gaming, I hope to see more ties to that... or, at the very least, more humorous comparisons to Telos. That bit gave me some Brian Kendrick vibes... where someone thinks they’re bigger than they are.

 

I just want something that makes AC Cobra stand out from the roster. Making nerdy gaming references seems like an obvious choice, but now you can really lay it on thick and get under everyone's skin. Like a car guy who expects everyone to know what a differential does. You can even use the terms against the crowd, such as calling them noobs, or campers (likely outdated references, but the point remains).

 

EXAMPLE: Look at this group of camping noobs... you guys are the LARPers of life. You spend every day in the same place, doing the same things, pretending that an elbow drop from the couch is the same as getting in and out of this ring every week. Your area-of-effect is so small, you don’t even make an effort to play the real game. Well... you can continue that AFK lifestyle... Telos and I G2G; on to the next challenge.

 

Do it right and you can even stumble upon catchphrases and potential merch ideas.

 

 

 

MINA V/ SARA MOORE

 

After her match with Ashley Moore the robotic rookie, Mina has yet another run-in with Sara Moore – she's really gonna hate that last name after all is said and done. I guess Sara still hasn’t been able to forget what Mina had to say and really wants to make an example out of her. The first step in making an example, coincidentally, involves a set of steps.

 

This was a nice follow-up to last week. It keeps the feud fresh in our minds but doesn’t bog down an already heavy RIOT show. Interested to see where it goes from here.

 

 

 

LUNCHBOX JONES / JIM BLACK

 

We get a remix of our previous encounter with Mr. Lunchbox, with a little more detail concerning his moniker. His personality has been consistent thus far, but I wonder where Mr. Jones will eventually end up in the OCW universe. There’s potential though.

 

 

 

H2O / QUARTZ P.4

 

…the battle continues, and we seem to have made our way back to the ramp. The stamina on these guys would make any pornstar jealous.

 

 

 

SANCTUM

 

Fraser wants everyone to respect the tag titles, so even though they are willing to defend against anyone deemed worthy... you have to qualify by stacking some victories, brother.

 

Sheldon not only wants the titles to maintain respect but wants to elevate the tag division. Move over, old, dying stars; it’s time for the youngblood to make some donations.

 

Owen continues his tough-but-fair demeanor. He makes a point to call out some contradictory statements made by other groups but does a good job of pointing out why they hold gold and why they’ll likely hold even more in the future.

 

 

 

ALISTAIR ROSS / RUST COHLE / JACOB TRANCE / TONY EVERRETT

 

After a slobber-knocker of a match with Jacob Trance, Alistair is chased out of the ring and through the crowd by N.A. Champion, and member of Dominion, Rust Cohle.

 

Jacob Trance is left in the ring to lick his wounds (gross) but he’s not left alone for long as he is joined by another member of Dominion. That’s right, the CCW Champion, Tony Ev, makes another appearance; only this time, he’s the one raising the gold.

 

What a symbol of his confidence and inability to back down -- it didn't take a week, or even a day, because no matter how hard you hit, he gets right back up and is ready to run it back. What a champ.

 

 

 

LA MUJERA OSCURA / ALEXA HAYES

 

Ooooooooo, it’s getting tense. Oscura and Hayes finally exchange some well-thought-out words and I’m lovin’ it. Everything seems to have a double meaning or agenda and you can’t tell who will end up on the wrong side of the rope. With every word you sense that the noose is getting tighter around someone’s neck but they are both so devious, who knows how it will all play out.

 

One would think that Alexa has more on her plate, considering the state of Kasstianity, but the 2nd coming of this dick-punching cult is likely why Oscura is even taking an interest.

 

Furiosa seems to be the link, or the prize on the line, which just adds another level to it all. This is turning into my favorite storyline at the moment... or the most intriguing, I should say.

 

 

 

TRE GOLDEN

 

Tre returns to his club, The Shogun’s Throne Room (classy) after a sabbatical of sorts. He is brought up to speed on current affairs by the disgruntled, yet dedicated bartender, Candy (double classy). It turns out that Mac hasn’t been much help, but thankfully, Marrisa was able to pick up the slack, cus da’ club was jumpin’-jumpin’.

 

Unfortunately, Tre was not keeping up on OCW bidness either. He learns that that tag team titles are now in the hands of some unknown group called Sanctum and Derek is being harassed by Elliot “Softer Than Toddler Turds” Parker, but Tre seems more concerned with Marcus.

 

Tre hits a fatty and orders Candy to inform the execs, who I’m assuming are pimps and dealers? See, I knew I should have been a cop.

 

I enjoyed the RP for the most part... well written... I just have trouble liking Tre Golden lol. He’s not so over-the-top, that it’s super comedic, but he’s not ethically bound to any moral standard or righteous principle that makes him super face. This leaves him in that “tweener” space, but he’s so overly cocky and dismissive of his peers (even those who hold championships) that he leans more towards “heel”.

 

Obviously, there is no definitive path any character should take, but I want to see more passion and/or struggle out of Tre. Villains can win a crowd over if they’re passionate about their goal or have a relatable struggle – see Thanos, Khan, Magneto, Killmonger.

 

 

 

EL PARCA / COLIN LOCKE / GONZALO MUNOZ / CHRIS GREENE

 

A lot going on, but when you’re the most hated man in OCW, everybody wants a piece and everyone has something to say. Munoz adds “crowd control” to his resume, preventing Colin Locke from harassing El Primero. I say he did a decent job because Locke proves that Chumbawamba (ask your parents) was right and still manages to catch up to Parca.

 

When Locke shows UP... Parca ends up getting shown OUT... of the ring, that is. Add another Parca clip to the Discord and put it on repeat, because I could use a pick me up... which is something I’m sure Parca won’t say anytime soon.

 

Munoz also allowed Chris “The Only CG You Need to Know” Greene to run his mouth, which I enjoyed... especially when he called El Primero a puto. Nice. Unfortunately, Parca gets frustrated and stops using his words; resorting to violence. Shameful. I recommend that Chris checks Parca’s veterinary history to make sure he’s had all his shots as I hear chihuahuas are prone to trash-mouth disease.

 

A solid RP – I kinda wish there was a bit more in the Locke/Munoz bit – but then I’m sure someone would have said that it would make the bit too long or something. Keeping it short was probably the safest bet.

 

 

 

DOC / NATE ORTIZ

 

What a memorable meeting of mutual, mat-militant members of a mass media monolith known as OCW. You could say that DOC is the Kobe Bryant to Nate’s Michael Jordan, but DOC hasn’t been around quite long enough to make the comparison... although the potential is there, considering how they both had an amazing rookie year.

 

The returning Kang of OCW might not want to bet his Kangdom against the Franchize, but who knows how much longer we’ll be able to buy tickets to the Ortiz Express. Building a throne on that track may be the only way to ensure they both collide and I definitely want to see that runaway match.

 

Nate, of course, backs down to no man, even one with a crown – wouldn't be the first time he kicked some royal highness in OCW. He also asks the question: what is a Kang to the King of Kings? Nate is in God-Mode every day of his life and unlike another religious figure... Ortiz doesn’t take a day off on Sunday.

 

 

 

H2O / QUARTZ P.5

 

H2O manages to slip away from his relentless roaming rumble with Quartz, like a kid finding his way out of a bouncy castle to grab a snack (and who wouldn’t consider Maxx Edwards a proper snack), only to fall right back into the eye of the storm. The show has no choice but to cut out as the brothers continue to battle well over the allotted air time.

 

H2O comes out lookin’ strong and highly motivated, like when Jay finds out your wife has a sister and shows us why he deserves to be in the limelight... as the Good Light.