Jacob Trance

We open the show to find the announcers have been, for all it's made to appear, made redundant. JT shows up with the first promo of the night, a lot of shouting, he seems hype, but does he stay hype? Doesn't make the usual rookie mistake of 'me want title match' so well done. Coherent and well written. Another rookie, and he's not happy his name wasn't spelt properly. (Try having the surname of Feerick, kid) He also says management is treating him like a joke... But it's fine... He's got an angry young man vibe, but now seems apathetic young man if he's happy to let Sensation get his name wrong all the time. So Ace is insane and thinks shadow monsters are going to eat us all. I love it maggle. I digged it, but pleased don't use smiley faces in your promos, certainly took me out of it and you obviously put a lot of effort in. More later when I'm not pushed for time.

Like your communication skills. Don't try to get smart, you're not in my zip code.

Page two is a sham. Keep plugging away Flojo, it's coming. Bray, you de-railed yourself a little but now you can have Nick Betamax realise you're a douche, and you don't even read the manga and try and build to something for Lution together once Blacksmith is done kicking your fucking head in. Mark Reese is a bit of a monster, isn't he? Thoughts and prayers for Dragana!

God bless you

I assure you it was all spontaneous

Hug a forest fire.

Isn't it time for another vacation?

Looking kinda dumb with the shape of an L as a finger and a thumb on your forehead.

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now, wait till you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire, how about yours? That's the way I like it and I never get bored Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid All that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show, on get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas? I need to get myself away from this place I said yep what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go (go!) You'll never shine if you don't glow Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

SHREK Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush) Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre.

Spoiler: Leaked Wrex Title Plates

This all looks pretty damning...

Low blow off of a bump, no likey.

The following footage has been rescued from the Turmoil cutting room floor after Austin left for the evening.(We shit boxed and forgot to assign someone to post it) Bray: Neato! I caught a Mew too. I hope FloJo will be impressed. FloJo: I’m not. Bray:: Ahhh. c’mon.. FloJo: You walked around the arena and caught something. So what? Bray:: Someone’s jelly. FloJo sighs lightly Bray:: Oh hey! I have a friend request from “LatinaLapras” it even says she's across the street! FloJo: Isn't there a warning on the game to not do that? A bleep comes from Brays cell phone. Bray:: Hey! She sent me her location and she wants to “Pikachu” As in… peek at me, she said her favourite attack is horn drill! FloJo: This… Can't be happening. Bray excitedly begins heading in the direction of the other trainer, FloJo watches as he goes out a fire door, pumping his fists. Bray: I wanna be, the very best, like no one ever was… To catch them is my real test, to horn drill is my caaaaaause! FloJo facepalms and watches the door close behind The Anime Prince. FloJo: He’s gonna catch something alright. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- JFK BLOWN AWAY, WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO SAY! WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE! IT WAS ALWAYS BURNING SINCE THE WORLD’S BEEN TURNING! B17: Na na. Mickey Mantle, caravan. HM. Hmmm. Hmm, hm, hm. Sputnik, Sean Penn, Pope Paul, duh duh, duh. We didn’t start the FIRE! Ace: Will you answer your damn phone! B17 glares at her but obliges and slides his finger across the screen. B17: Hello, you’ve reached Bingo. B17: Ok? B17: Yes. B17: Perhaps. B17: You don’t say! B17: BY GOD! B17: MY WIG! B17:THANK YOU MYSTERIOUS VOICE!! With that B17 runs out of the room. Ace: Where the hell is he going? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- B17 stumbled out of the hallway, panting heavily. The wig was not here, that was for certain. Instead he had fallen into Code Jackman's house of horrors. He had barely escaped the alligator pit with his life and now he found himself facing countless mirrors that showed off his amazing ass... The sound system crackled to life again. Code: Bingo, Bingo, Bingo! Wake up. Jackman reachers over and turns down his Lion King soundtrack to put Bingo in his happy place as he was “sleeping” Code: Know that you are awake I am glad that you are here. How would you like to play a game? Bingo: I like games! How about Monopoly?! Code: No! I have a better one. It's either a life or death game. Only metaphorically speaking though. Bingo begins to navigate the mirrored hallway. He moves carefully to avoid making too much noise, fearful that Code might be hiding right behind one of them. Code: I have a question to ask you. Where do you think you are? B17: Code...I don't know where I am, but it doesn't matter. I will find you, and I will Bingo Punch you. Bingo keeps creeping around looking for Code as he steps on a tile the opens a trap door. Bingo begins to fall down a dark hole. Bingo then lands on a wooden chair in a pitch black room. Code: Hello, Bingo. A spotlight begins to shine on Bingo as he throws up his hands to shield his eyes. B17: Code! Where is my wig? Code: I ask the questions here. You are a guest at my place. Why have you been hiding from me? B17: Hiding! Your locker is across from mine! We spoke two weeks ago! Of course that was before I learned that you stole my wig! You're off the Christmas list! Kidnapping me is one thing, but my wig was innocent! Code: Remember when I called you three months ago. You never answered. I was going to tell you then but I wanted to wait. B17: For? Code: I will tell you where it is if you beat me at Devils Night B17: That's it? Oh. That's easy enough. Code: On one condition though. If I win there will be no B Community it will now be the Code Community. B17 grips the chair tightly: Nooooooo! Code: Muhahaha! B17: Ight, but if I win YOU JOIN THE B COMMUNITY! Code grips the chair tightly: Noooooo! B17: Muhahaha! Code: I accept your challenge! Wait, didn't you have a match tonight? B17:......Shit. Over a tannoy system comes laughter, the laughter of Thomas Archer as B17 and Code stare at each other for five minutes. Code: So… Your match… B17: You shall not distract me any longer! At that, Bingo flees, straight into a pull door. He scowls, blaming the door, opening it sheepishly the proper way as the scene fades. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- But what happened to Bray, did he get to drill his horn? Find out next time on Lost Tapes of Turmoil...

Secret footage that Austin Lee didn't want you to see?! Stay tuned.

Brexit or some shit to maybe get to page two

I hope Austin suffocates

You can post a review of the show as long as you don't give away results/spoilers. Talking about how you enjoyed what Archer did, and how you didn't enjoy what Aries did for example isn't a spoiler and is fine.

Code vs. Cactus Cactus has a really nice CAW and entrance this year. Cactus with the kick attempt off of being picked up. Instead of a pickup, Code attacks. (Would that be a hover, he's forced into the pin by the move?) Then does a ground move afterwards, so I'll call that a hover like I did with Elsa. The reversal chain into the pumphandle powerslam was nice. This matches big move is the spinebuster, instead of the bulldog. So many unwanted close ups of Jackmans crotch and ass... And it's over. I do hope Cactus sticks around this time, instead of leaving. His CAW is nice, he has good video work.

No spoilers until page 2. None posted.

Elsa Holmberg vs. Ashley Moore Is that Smythe's old theme? AND HERE SHE COMES, THE QUEEN OF THICC, THE SULTRESS OF SULTRY... THE EMPRESS OF.. ASS. Naturally the most talented wrestler on the roster, who else could wrestle in heels? Elsa eats a boot. Damn nice major, will she go for MAX DAMAGE? Ashley backs up and goes for amove, reverse moonwalking, what? Can't really say much there, possible moonwalk from Elsa. I'll call that a hover on the outside off of the back body drop, though I'd be inclined to let that one slide. That one off the whip in, I'll call a hover, but only barbecue you done a move after knocking her down again. I can understand why you attacked her. Think I missed a possum in there somewhere? Nice major, but you picked her up to start that combo, knocked her down and hit a ground move. FPR break. So many bulldogs. Oof, moonwalking does nothing and its a but to the lips! Kneeling position with a move is considered grounded, illegal finisher attempt from Elsa. Major. Finisher. Not enough. Lag in the pin, odd... Would be suspect if it were others. Someone's definitely updating a game in the background. Good use of a possum pin / leverage pin, getting beaten up, tries to pull it off. SO, so many bulldogs. I'd feel aggrieved on that lost due to the FPR breaks, but this could have been over long before it got messy. Need that killer instinct.

TLBS vs Betamax The horse is high, don't you know, how far, he'll go for some blow. Strap in boys, it's time for Nicholas Cassette Player! Close enough. Music does not fit the entrance in any shape or form. Attempted moonwalk after a REVERSAL by LBS, even if it's a reversed stomp, it's not a reset, they've reversed, be a man and reverse back. What used to be known as reverse rushing from Bates, running at his opponent as soon as he got back onto his feet. Being given barely any time after he gets back into the ring, the LBS eats a weeb leg. And again, grabbed virtually the moment he's back in the ring. Back to back majors, can he take advantage? LBS goes for Loki's finisher and dies instead. Betamax is reversed off of the wakeup taunt and tries to break FPR with a crapple rock punch, but is denied. Good old ten punches. Leverage pin used by someone with a damage and finisher advantage, k... Nice to see it end a match I suppose.

Little Match Review time. TY Sparks vs Mistico That'll be Sparks eating bread, water and dust for the rest of the season having blown his salary on pyro. Out next is Mistico accompanied by Jimmy Cole, or is it Adam Jacobs? Either way, you're not the tag champions, please rename your dinner trays. Huge edit here... Hope nothing too dumb happened in between. Appears to be a Hover by Mistico after the moonsault combo in the corner. Was that LBS' finisher? Another huge edit that this time includes damage chances. Was that LBS' finisher? Mistico has a stroke after hitting his finisher, by gawd get the EMT's. Incredible somersault power up teleport bomb! Mistico hitting two finishers and not trying to pin. Sigh. Another big edit. Got bored of the edits and the non-attempts to win. It's over.

Fury: You are going to fucking die, hombre muerto.