Riot 356

[Jacob Trance]

Where were the wonder twins Jookie and Raze ?

 

Jookies laptop is broken?

[Aries]

Commentary blows. I've seen more wit and humor ooze out of a donkey's asshole.

 

The first RP is perfect. As I said last week, OMG never disappoint. The references to Ron Northgate, Dale Ernsmore and Frank Eden were fucking hilarious. The fact that Pato has become so damn civilized is genius. He's like the Samoan version of Confucius...except he weighs 400 lbs more and will tear your throat out for breathing in his direction. Poor Dimsmore...bitches, man. Bitches. I think Dimsmore would sooner drop her on her head than anything else. Do it!

 

I didn't know Papa Shango was in OCW, and why is he twitching to the ring? Is this Papa Shango with Tourette's Syndrome? What the fuck? Marty Janetty too? Who hires these people? We need a new Talent Relations executive. Why is this a ladder match? OCW, stahp! I want to write about this match, but I'm sitting here staring off into space. I have no idea who Ghede is, and we don't see much from TJ Stevens, so I find myself incapable of giving any fucks. I love this game. Ghede dropkicks TJ off of the ladder, and GHEDE is the one hurt. WHAT THE FUCK, GAME? I gotta be honest, I would rather read a Hane Dayward promo. I would rather jerk off to someone's grandmother. I would rather...oh look, Uncle Jesse! Where's Joey? Is he not going to sing a congratulations to his bff? :(

 

 

Mugen turning on Yakuza beast mode. All yellow everything, dawg! This is interesting. Trance is trying to get one over on Mugen, but at the same time has to worry about his number one contender. Looking forward to seeing what becomes of this feud. Hopefully we can get something good out of the three (if they decide to combine.)

 

Achilles Locke...I will fucking kill you. I AM THE ONLY FUCKING PERSON WHO CAN BE NAMED AFTER A GREEK GOD! Honestly? This match probably went on a minute too long. Should have been shorter considering the ending. This video was edited very nicely. I am a huge fan of editing spots together, and I loved the dive into the powerslam. I'm really enjoying Cody's new gimmick. It feels like he's gaining back the momentum he lost when he went away. His new gimmick is rather mark worthy as well. Cody wanting his title shot. His DESERVED title shot. I think given the chance, he could destroy our current champ and become OCW's first Jewish World Champeen'. He would be the first right? No, wait...Trips was the first. I mean he has to be Jewish, right? Have you seen the size of that nose? Toby and Cody should put on a great match. Looking forward to it!

 

HARDCORE TITLE MATCH TIME! Let's see if Mugen can topple Harrison. Aside from his little faux pas last week, I think Sid is still a very dominant competitor. Not sure how I feel how Sid's new theme song, but hey...it fits his dick headed attitude. I've been meaning to ask...who the hell sings Mugen's theme song? It sounds like DMX rapping in Japanese. I'm just sitting here expecting some "WHAT" or some fucking barks. Nice to see Sid putting some of that Aries Bukakke Juice to good work. GET 'EM! Not much use of weaponry yet annnnnnnnd spoke to soon. The fuck is the point of weapons in this game. Oh, that's the point. GET 'EM, SID! CHOKE THAT YELLOW MOTHAFUCKAAAAAA. I did get him, not get hit by him. You are no longer my protege. I see you, trying to put each other through the double tables. Okay, that was nice. Fucking nasty half nelson through. Needs more weapons, but decent match so far. ITS YO LAST SHOT, ITS YO LAST SHOT, SHUT THE FUCK UP! This song is fucking annoying. And you seriously put in the Sheamus song when you hit those stupid fucking clubs to the chest? I'm done. I can't watch this anymore. The Emperor of the Enziguiri needs to do an enziguiri like every other move. Fuck Sid. Sheamus loving cunt hair. A very well done win, sir.

 

Seth Irvine or Seth Irving. MOTHERFUCKER, WHAT IS YOUR NAME?! I will slap the white off of you again. Don't make me do it, cracka. Someone poured an alcoholic beverage into this mothafuckas Cheerios. Jesus. Why is everyone so angry all the damn time? I am quite looking forward to the possible encounter between Irvineg and the juice monkey named Valmont. Should be a good match, regardless of how long both men have been gone if it happens.\

 

WHERE THE FUCK IS THE COMMENTARY? CAN WE GET COMMENTARY AFTER PROMOS TO HAVE A LITTLE DIFFERENT VIEWPOINT ON WHAT THE COMMENTATORS WOULD THINK? Show some fucking interest in the show you're putting together! SYNERGIZE! I don't feel like I'm reading a wrestling show without proper fucking commentary. It's so lazily done. Hype the damn matches before AND after. Hype up someone's promo before AND after.

 

This fat asshole. You're like the Nicki Minaj of OCW, but instead of making your ass fatter, you just did that to your stomach. Sid..you...GET A FUCKING MOUTH PIECE. It's like reading how Ben Stein talks. My GOD. Wasn't Trance just ambushing Mugen? Is this twat a magician? He must be. He makes all of the food in catering disappear. COMMUNICACION, ESE!

 

Cody Storm versus Tobin. Match of the night. It's impossible that it won't be. Tobin's theme song just fits so well. I never actually thought that would make a good theme, but he makes it work. SOMEONE didn't edit out loading screens. Can we start a one of those donation jars? $1 donations for Cody to cut his fucking hair. I love the attire clash. Cody's representing his heel nature, and Tobin's representing his super face status. True heel and baby face colors. Good match so far, and Tobin is just dishing out the fucking suplexes. Holy SHIT. Cody is getting wrecked. I thought you wanted it all bro? What happened? OH WAIT, YOU CAN'T SEE THROUGH ALL THAT FUCKING HAIR! That was a weird glitch. And how can you slam Tobin's head to the mat by his hair? HE AIN'T GOT HAIR! Tobin missing the diving headbutt :(. Crashed and burned. Cody finally making a comeback. Tobin damaged first?! DAMN! After all of those suplexes?! Dubbyah tee eff mate? REVERSED! And then Cody just hits the gayest move I've ever seen. He really does want it all, including Tobin's testes. ANOTHER REVERSAL! Damn this match is pretty back and forth. ANOTHER ONE! OOOH! Nice fucking counter. Rope break :'(. I like how Tobin waits to kick out as the bar is close to the beginning. Gives a sense of adequacy when kicking out of a finisher. Your stupid fucking back fist makes me angry. STOP BACK FISTING PEOPLE. A good win for the victor. Well contested, and so far, my MOTN.

 

You know what's sucking the charisma out of me? THIS FUCKING COMMENTARY!

 

It's Nate. It better be Nate if you're acting like such a pussy.

 

Why is Roofus helping Trance? THIS MAKES NO DAMN SENSE! You know what needs to be locked up and put into custody? My mind, because right now, YOU'RE FUCKING MAKING ME LOSE IT! I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS HERE! When are we going to see Trance knock over a small scale replica of a building and ask if it's a center for ants? I want to see it not only because I love Zoolander, but because Trance is like Godzilla. I'm really not sure what the point of the RP was. Come on man, you're better than this. Face Trance is kind of stale.

 

Holy shit! Immersive commentary!

 

K.D. talking about change, and I have to agree. It is time for a change. Time for me to change the channel. ZING! Sorry, I had to K.D. You made it so easy...LIKE JAY'S MOM! OOOOH! No, really. Short, but sweet RP, and I kind of hope K.D. pulls off this win. He deserves some kind of title opportunity.

 

Time for the actual match itself. It's the final, so obviously there would be no fucking hype up commentary. NO BIG FUCKING DEAL! Dimsmore still has an awesome entrance. It's like once the bells start tolling, you know some shit's about to go down. It's just a shame it has to be Jay's momma. :(. All kidding aside, I love the OMG t-shirt. Why is Ric Flair accompanying K.D. to the ring? Is that supposed to be Ari? I marked so hard for K.D.'s attire and shirt...until I saw that it was the underarmor bullshit. Use a different shirt, and all will be well. I'm serious, why is Ric Flair at ringside? I expect this to be a good, face paced match. Both guys are pretty fucking hard hitting, so this shouldn't take long. I wasn't really tabbed to this window while the match was going on, but I came back to K.D. doing the Walls? WHAT? WHY ARE YOU DOING THE WALLS? You should be doing the Brock Lock or some shit, not the Walls. I do like the running legdrop, though. Dimsmore first injured. Not looking good for the white man. LAST RIDE! Clearly Dimsmore ain't being put down that easy. I've always loved the Boss Man Slam. Poor Ari :(. Why would you knock off such a poor old man. Referee got crushed by K.D. He ain't coming back. Shouldn't the match have technically been restarted? I mean, maybe there were some underlying issues like time or connectivity, but if not, I think the match should have been restarted. Good match. Short, quick and to the point, and glad to see someone finally get a chance.

 

Poling can say cunt, but he can't be interesting? What a fat cunt.

 

Why does Lucas Crowe still exist, and why on God's green Earth is he in the main event, and why does he look like Wolverine with lipstick on? You know what you're doing? You're not sucking my blood, you're sucking my interest in this match, and WHERE THE FUCK IS KINDRED? Wasn't there a female in Kindred? She can suck something else that's equally unearthly. Looks to be another fast paced match, but even if the two people in the match don't consider it hovering because that's how they "DM", it's still kind of meh to watch. I'm sure you would fucking crucify K.D. if he did this with someone he constantly played with, or even Trance. Ease it up a bit next time. Did I mention that the first song in this match was amazing? Don't really know how I feel about Crowe with kicks...I mean he seems like someone who would suplex you, or toss you around. HE EVEN FLEXES FOR A TAUNT! Why kick? I seen a sig, but I was too busy typing to see what it was. Fuck. That poor announce table. It must break at least once a week. I love the reversal/break out for the Guillotine Choke. It's really nice, and makes for a nice setup to something. Not quite sure I understand why the Ravishing Neckbreaker is your sig. It doesn't really make much sense. I get it, you want to be Ziggler, but...it just doesn't look good. Argentine Backbreaker, and he fucking kicks. Rot in hell, Crowe. Second Pedigree. Not looking good for the fagpire :(. IMPALER! I love that DDT. Annnd another one. If Crowe wins, I'm done. Thank GOD. WHY ARE YOU FUCKING SPINNING BACK KICKING PEOPLE?! Rolling out after a sig? QUE? And Crowe wins. Can I stop writing reviews now? I can't take this torture. Crowe beat the champ. What's next? Is Dane going to be Pugh's challenger at OCW's 9 year Anniversary?

 

....

 

Fuck.

[Parker]

Nice review.

 

Crowe has been kicking people for AGES.... Rose is the muscle in Kindred...Crowe has a mix of martial arts and throws, kind of like Vampiro's style, but without all the chops and knees.

 

 

I mentioned it weeks ago that KD using the walls is Retarded..capital R.

[Seth Irving]

Aries when you make money like me you can call your self what ever you want

 

Don't forget it's $eth