Valkyrie Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 DAY 0 We are inside Valkyrie’s apartment. She is pacing back and forth, while talking on the phone with someone via Facetime. http://i67.tinypic.com/33xhrwp.jpg ???: You look awful. Are you having trouble sleeping? Valkyrie: Nah… don't worry. ???: It's this Kasstianity cult, isn't it? It's keeping you awake at night, I bet. Valkyrie: Ye… Uhm, no, or course not. ???: You are a terrible liar. Valkyrie: It's disturbing, alright. Take a look at OCW’s YouTube channel: every video with Kassidy Hayes in it always gets the most views. Valkyrie: People are worshiping him. Quite literally, like he's a god or something. And Heather Angelo, the one I'm going to face at Summercide, she is one of his followers. ???: Speaking of Summercide, Aerith said at the press conference that, even though you completely murdered her on Riot 511, she is still the rightful #1 contender for some unknown reason, while you are not because of your “attitude”. Valkyrie: What? ???: Yes, I know. It doesn’t make any sense. It’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Valkyrie: That’s one way of saying “I have a lifetime supply of championship opportunities simply because my fatass walking meme of a husband happens to be a Hall of Famer, while you never had and never will have one because you are on your own in OCW” Valkyrie: Ops sorry, I almost turned heel again! ???: What?! Valkyrie: Uhm I mean I turned my heel and I almost slipped… these Gucci flip flops, I swear… ???: What about the Heather Angelo diss track? Valkyrie: Still working on it. I could really use a ghostwriter, though. ???: Well, the world is full of rappers. You’ll find someone who can help you. Valkyrie: That's true! I'll make some phone calls tomorrow and see if I can find one. DAY 1 Valkyrie makes those phone calls http://i66.tinypic.com/2emphdd.jpg ???: What's up? Valkyrie: Hello 6ix9ine. I'm writing a diss track on Heather Angelo and I could use your help. Tekashi 6ix9ine: How did you get my number? Valkyrie: It doesn't matter. Will you help me or not? Tekashi 6ix9ine: Oh yeah sure. How long will the diss track be? Valkyrie: 4 to 5 minutes… basically just how long Aerith lasts when she is booked against me Tekashi 6ix9ine: Got it! Meet me at my studio tomorrow Valkyrie (with Spodermen’s voice) : K. Valkyrie dials the next number http://i66.tinypic.com/1zy92lg.jpg ???: Hello Valkyrie: Yo Gucci is that you? Gucci Mane: Yep, it's me. What's up Valk? Valkyrie: Look I'm about to drop the best diss track ever but I need some dope ass rhymes… Gucci Mane: Say no more. I'll help you. We are going to kill this track... Valkyrie: Yeah just like I killed Aerith on Riot 511 Valkyrie dials the last number on her list http://i63.tinypic.com/2znz800.jpg ???: What's up? Valkyrie: Lil Xan! Lil Xan: Hello there Valk. How can I help you? Valkyrie: Listen, I'm about to release the best song in the history of music and obviously I'm going to need you to help me with the lyrics… Lil Xan: You mean the Heather Angelo diss track? Valkyrie: Yep Lil Xan: Hell yeah we are going to sell 98472648492745 billions of copies Valkyrie: That's the plan. Meet us at 6ix9ine’s studio tomorrow Lil Xan (with Spodermen's voice) : k. DAY 2 The scene opens in 6ix9ine’s personal recording studio Valkyrie: Ok guys I think we nailed it… Tekashi 6ix9ine: Are you ready to record it? Valkyrie: Yeah! Let's do it! Lil Xan: Everyone, get ready They all turn on their headphones, as Valkyrie approaches the microphone... I know people get religious when they start bleeding They say "Kass, please help me!" 'cause their ass is leaking When you mess with a Valkyrie, you know it's killing season Cleansing the world from Kasstianity, that's a good enough reason Heather calls herself the Harbinger of Death, But she looks like a skank who’s about to OD on meth You think Kasstianity will save you But all they did was enslave you Now, I know Kass is your new daddy You two like to play with 'cuffs and chains But there's something you are both missing And that's a pair of brains I got my back against the wind, I'm down to ride till the sun burn out If I die on Sunday, I'm happy how my career turned out See, every beef I have been in, I was by myself Handicap match against ShowBlitz, by myself Against an entire religious cult, still by myself I am the One Bubba Army, bitch, I never asked for help Go ahead, convert all the chumps who live in your 'hood But getting hit with the Angel's Grace won't do you no good At Summercide I'll show you the definition of pain If you survive, your bones will still freaking hurt when it rains I paint this track so perfect, call me Michelangelo I lyrically murdered a bitch, her name was Heather Angelo Everyone applauds as soon as Valkyrie is done recording. Gucci Mane: That was lit! Valkyrie: I agree, but wasn't it a little bit too..."aggressive"? 6ix9ine: That's how diss tracks work, baby. The can be lethal weapons if you know how to do them properly! Valkyrie: Well, at least I can say I had three of the best rappers alive here to help me ghostwriting. I can't wait to see how people will react to it DAY 3 Lil Xan: Yo Valk, wake up! Valkyrie was sleeping on the couch of the recording studio, when Lil Xan woke her up with a light pat on her shoulder Lil Xan: It's time to see how many views our diss track got overnight Valkyrie: Let's see… Lil Xan: It says 73515385928163859271636492836615363884997716362661537499177263710940736622 billions of views! Valkyrie: Woah! That's a lot of views! Lil Xan: Well, it is the best song ever so it's kinda understandable Valkyrie nods Valkyrie: It really is. I don't know how to thank you. We did it again! Lil Xan and Valkyrie dab together as the scene fades to black 6 .
Lotus FloJo Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 Is that GTA online? http://i.imgur.com/lk3Jiel.gif
TJ Stevens Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 Heather better duck under cover this Summercide, Valk is spitting fire.
H20_ Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 I’m going to rip off each one of limbs and have your soul jump out of your skin! I'M THE PAST THE PRESENT AND THE FUTURE! http://ocwfed.tv/miscpics/Kass_event_badge_2020.png
B-17 Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 ......what just happened? "Amatuer cheat hunter, Resident OCWFED historian, Lover of spreadsheets, data and HOI, MASTER OF THE GOKART" *I DONT KNOW HOW TO CHANGE MY PROFILE!*
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