Gentleman Jack

I dont know why, but I desperately want to see Jackson PS Montgomery vs Junkyard Bray Spur in a Superdome match. If anyone wants to get the Gentleman an early Christmas present, it's this. Jackson I've openly mocked you in character and questioned your reign out of it. I apologize. You're the man, mad respect, loving the new look.

Karma Drew Galloway is my new spirit animal

Proud of my boys this week, very proud of the convoy as well. Hell I think I may even be proud of the show as a whole this week. Should be a fun discussion.

Warning, the following content may contain strong language, scenes of a sexual nature, violence, drug use and is recommended only for a mature audience. The views expressed are solely those of Gentleman Jack and the Gentleman's Club. OCW does not agree with these views or condone these actions. Viewer discretion is advised. Our scene opens in the bathroom of a dingy tropical hut. We see Gentleman Jack, shirtless with bloodshot eyes, staring at his reflection in the mirror. Jack: C'mon Jack, get it together. Jack splashes a bit of water on his face. He stares intently at his reflection, almost out of of paranoia. Jack: What are you looking at? Jack peers into his own eyes, trying to find something in his soul perhaps. Nah, he's not that deep and there's probably nothing there anyway. Satisfied with these findings, Jack begins to pump himself up. Jack: C'mon Jack, you magnificent bastard! Let's do this! You have people counting on you out there! For reasons that will hopefully be explained later, we can now hear what can only be described as the sounds of a cock fight. We hear the blood curdling screams of roosters locked into mortal combat intertwined with the frightened shouts of Portuguese women. Unfazed by these sounds, Jack continues his mirror ritual. Jack: Remember champ, you're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggone it, people like you! As Jack finishes his poor Stuart Smalley impersonation, an exasperated Cactus Gauge busts through the door. As he does, we see feathers flying around the cabana as six topless Portuguese women run to the exit terrified. Cactus: Jack! Thank God I found you. I’ve never seen such a thing in there! I had no clue you could do that with a rooster... Cactus stares off into space and then shutters at the thought of what he had just seen. Cactus: Ugh. Any way boss - what the hell are you doing in here? You ok? You’re not looking so hot. Jack: I’ll be ok. Are the midgets gone? Is the car here yet? Where are my contacts? Cactus: I’m not sure we can say midgets any more. I think they prefer little people. Any way, look, your contacts are right there on the sink, don’t worry about the midgets, I’ll make sure they don’t touch your shoes again and yes - car is here, which is why I am looking for you. I think we both need a drink, let’s get out of this place and watch this show. Cactus grabs Jack’s contacts and brushes off his shirt, which still had a few small chicken feathers on it. Both men shuffle out of the bathroom, with Cactus leading the way - ready to boot any midget in the face, who gets too close to Jack’s shoes again. As the men exit the bathroom we catch our first glimpse of Big Ed. The most dominant superstar on Turmoil has been reduced to a shell of his former self. He sits in a wheelchair, wearing nothing but an American flag draped loosely around him with his Little Ed hanging out for all the world to see. His beard is covered in rice cereal, clearly from a failed attempt by Cactus to feed the dormant beast. Jack: Good god, can we even take him outside like this? Cactus looks over the giant, broken man for a moment before placing a pirate hat upon his head. Cactus reaches into a satchel and pulls out Ed’s trademark sunglasses and earrings, placing them both on Big Ed. Cactus: Perfect, he’s ready! As the trio exit their cabana, they see the driver of their waiting cab talking to a local transvestite prostitute. As the trio approach, the transvestite gets in the cab and the two locals speed away. Cactus and Jack just stare at the scene in disbelief. Jack: I don’t know if I hate this place or if I’m never leaving. Cactus: I agree boss, it’s a beautiful disaster. A place perfectly carved out by the gods, for a man with your stature. Jack: Is there a bar any closer? Seriously, we’re going to die of sobriety soon. Cactus: I can sniff out a good scotch and bourbon, better than Ed can...well…umm...never mind that, yes, I know a place right around the corner. Jack: Let’s get cracking then. The trio of OCW superstars, the most entertaining men Turmoil have to offer, set off on a quick walk to their boozy destination. Fellow tourists look on in disgust as Big Ed hangs dong, while Jack and Cactus appear to have not noticed or simply don’t care. Cactus: We needs some tunes and I got this! Our tall drink of water’s chair comes in handy for a few things. Cactus reaches under Big Ed’s wheelchair and turns on a very old school boombox. Suddenly, the air is filled with the sounds of Bruce Springsteen’s “Born In The USA”. Jack: Classy! Cactus: Bet your ass it is. Nothing less for the Gentleman’s Club. Cactus nods at Jack. As the trio continue to walk, they gain more attention from fellow tourists and locals alike. One child even drops her ice cream cone and screams at the sight of half naked Big Ed who naturally screams right back. Thankfully, perhaps through divine intervention, they reach their destination without further incident. Their destination tonight being an off the beaten path, tropical honky tonk. Our trio enter and we see how rough this bar truly is. We see Vietnamese fisherman playing a heated game of Russian roulette in the corner , prostitutes openly peddling their wares, and various forms of narcotics being ingested by the patrons. The sound of Bruce Springsteen and the sight of the the OCW stars catches the attention of the fellow bar goers. Everyone in the bar in unison: CACTUS! Jack: Friends of yours? Cactus: Cactus always has friends boss, how do you think I met such a debonair man as yourself? Cactus flashes a half crooked smirk at his leader, and the three men go to a secluded table with a decent view of the television which is naturally tuned to the King Of OCW PPV! Cactus: We came here for a drink, so let’s get a drink, what do you say, boss? Drinks for you and I and, umm, some peanuts for the, ugh… Cactus looks down at Ed’s half naked extremities and shakes his head. Cactus: ...the nut? Big Ed: MONKEY! Jack: Jesus Christ he scares me when he does that! Big Ed: MONKEY!!! Jack: Do you.. Do you think he wants to eat a monkey? Big Ed: MONKEY MONKEY MONKEY!!! Cactus: I can get you a monkey boss, no sweat. Big Ed is now pointing at the tv while he continues to scream his monkey nonsense. As he does so, we see on the tv the ppv has been well underway as the Dennis Black vs Parker Stevens match is in full swing. Jack: Christ it’s the sight of that dimwitted midget and his walking Valtrex ad that’s making him do this. Cactus: Why is he calling Dennis a monkey? Jack: I have no idea… We’ve got to distract him before he draws too much attention in this place. Around this time we hear a gunshot from the corner full of Vietnamese fishermen. Cactus: Yeah boss, i don’t think it’ll be a problem here. Before the scene can escalate, Parker finishes off Mr. Black in style. This causes Ed to scream with glee and clap his monstrous hands together! Big Ed: Haha! Monkey!!! Hahahaha!!! Monkey monkey monkey!!!! Jack: Well that worked out. Before Jack can celebrate his good luck, the scuffle at the table of Vietnamese fishermen begins to pick up steam. One of the men slams a chair over another as a third man is thrown through a glass window. Jack: Maybe we should go… Cactus: But we’ve only seen one match… And I didn’t get my jalapeno poppers yet! Jack: Well by all means! Thankfully the disagreement calms down and order is restored to the bar. As the men wait for their jalapeno poppers, a number or riot matches and promos play out on the tv. Being the narcissists that they are, they pay little attention. Cactus begins flirting with anything that hoves into his field of vision, while Jack searches in vain for pure Lebanese opium. Striking out to varying degrees, both men return to the table as the Dennis Black vs Seb Abbot match is taking place. Big Ed: Grrrrrrr Jack: Not this again… With the match between Dennis and Seb playing out, the monster with the brain of a four year old grows angrier with each flippy kick. Jack and Cactus just watch in awe as Seb pushes the Midget Maestro to his limit. Jack & Cactus in unison: Holy shit! Sadly, Dennis pulls out a hard fought victory that sends Ed into a rage. The half naked monster begins flinging jalapeno poppers across the bar, striking one of the Vietnamese fishermen in the head. Fisherman: You insult honor! You pay now! Mao didi mao! Dit con di me m! Cactus: Oh that is not good boss… Jack: You know what he said? Cactus: He wants you to have intercourse with your mother boss… Jack: Freakin dog munchers. Well you know what this means. Cactus: The balloon of death? Fisherman: Pay now! Mao didi mao! Jack: In a second!!! The adults are talking here Ping-Pang! Taken aback, the fisherman just stands in stunned silence. Jack: Balloon of death! Cactus begins to dig around in Ed’s wheelchair when he comes up with a limp, uninflated balloon. As he blows up the balloon, the fisherman just stares on in a strange mix of confusion and wonder. It’s clear this sad excuse for a human has never seen a balloon before. Once it’s inflated, Cactus hands it to the bewildered fisherman who just looks at it through the eyes of a child. Smiling wider than a human should, Cactus takes a small pin from his pocket and pops the poor fisherman’s balloon, sending the sad Vietnamese man into a blind rage over the loss of his brief innocence. Both men begin trading blows as Jack cracks a beer bottle over the head of one of the fisherman. Suddenly, the entire bar joins in on the action with scenes of violence occurring in every corner of the establishment. As the battle rages on, Madison Cox’s face fills the screens of every tv in the bar as she cuts a promo on her dancing monkey’s success. The sight of the Queen is too much for the mentally crippled giant to handle. He aims his wheelchair at the men attacking his fellow Club members and accelerates as quickly as he can towards the mass of humanity. Big Ed: BONZAI!!!!!! Our scene ends as the half naked giant slams into the crowd, peppering bystanders with jalapeno poppers along the way. Will the Gentleman’s Club make it back to the states in one piece? Will Big Ed ever recover from the ring collapse? Will Jack and Cactus ever find colognes that don’t clash? Tune into Turmoil this Thursday to find out!

How much of the kingdom's coffers goes to your monthly Valtrex budget? It has to be crippling the Seven Kingdom's economy at this point. In other news, very hot card! Can't wait to see how it all plays out!

The rp is fine, its the layout. Check out the handbook and read up on the "Morrison Method" of posting rps. Do that and you'll be beloved around in here in no time. Also the colors just hurt our old, drug soaked eyes. Morrison Method, trust me.

Warning, the following content may contain strong language, scenes of a sexual nature, violence, drug use, and is recommend only for a mature audience. The views expressed are solely those of Gentleman Jack and the Gentleman's Club. OCW does not agree with these views or condone these actions. Viewer discretion is advised. Our scene opens at a ramshackle, tropical airport. We see passengers disembarking from a WWII era converted cargo plane. All around you can see the trappings of a tropical paradise. From the lush palm trees, to the diverse avian species, the thick jungle air is alive with excitement. And mosquitoes. Holy shit are there some huge mosquitoes about. As the passengers continue to disembark, we catch our first glimpse of the Club getting off the plane. Gentleman Jack steps out first, decked out in full Tommy Bahama beach wear and a lovely panama hat. As he gets to the top of the ramp, he waves to the non existent crowd in full President Nixon style. After Jack exits the plane, we see Big Ed and Cactus Gauge prepare for departure. Sadly, Big Ed is confined to a wheelchair for this trip. The big man is clearly suffering the consequences of breaking the ring at Turmoil and not giving his beloved manager a clean finish. Big Ed looks more like a disturbed Vietnam veteran than a relaxing tourist. His garb would give Tom Cruise a run for his money in Born on the Fourth of July. Pushing our beloved Big Ed is none other than the newest member of the Gentleman's Club, Cactus Gauge! Cactus has had the good fashion sense to follow Jack's lead. He looks more like a Panamanian playboy than a disturbed, homeless bum. Cactus has a huge grin on his face and sunglasses covering the memory of whatever the poor bastard did the night before. After a bit of difficulty leaving the aircraft, the three men reconvene at the customs desk where Jack is standing by on his cell phone.. As three titans of the wrestling world approach the desk, they're greeted by a trio of island beauties. Two of the lovely young ladies successfully put leis on Jack and Cactus. As the third tropical beauty leans in to put one on Big Ed, she pauses to ask a question. Tropical Beauty: You poor thing! What happened to you? Cactus: He's seen some shit lady. And some things. Not to mention some stuff too. Don't even get him started on the stuff... Tropical Beauty: Aww! You poor baby! Let me welcome you to... As she speaks the young lady tries to place the lei around Big Ed's neck. As soon as she makes the briefest of physical contact with Ed, the big man begins to freak out and scream like a feral beast. The large brute continues thrashing around in his chair and making noises no man should have the ability to make. The massive scene catches Jack's attention, who has been on his phone since landing. He hangs up in a huff and begins to try to calm his client. Jack: Easy big fella! Calm down! It's ok! Nobody is trying to hurt you! Look, they're friendly! Jack grabs one of the island beauties and begins to passionately kiss her. Jack releases the young girl (who is totally legal by the way) and looks back at his prized client. The young girl is taken aback by the situation but is now swooning in confused excitement to the side. Jack: See? Friendly. This display has calmed the giant down. His feral screams are now a muted growl. The young lady that tried to place a lei around Ed is visibly shaken from the ordeal. Tropical Beauty: What... What was that? What happened? Is he ok? Am I ok? Where am I? Jack: Can you handle this? I've got Barry on the other line in New York. He's dealing with the insurance agents over the bar. Cactus: Insurance? Bar? What are you talking about daddio? Jack: Oh yeah you weren't around for that. Ok so get this, remember Joe Zhivago? Sniveling little eurotrash twat? Cactus: Oh yeah, the cat with the shitty leather jacket and cheap haircut. I remember him! Jack: So yeah, apparently Ed here stole a bar from Joe's uncle during his white supremacist, Ron Pearlman impersonator phase. All fun and games right? Well to get revenge, the dumb immigrant prick burned the place to the ground. But not before dear sweet Barry insured the place out the wazoo in our names. So basically Ed stole a man's bar, said man's nephew burned the bar to the ground in a fit of misguided rage, and now we get paid. God I love America! Tropical Beauty: Will somebody please tell me what's going on?!?!?!?! Jack looks at the girl in a state of exasperated disdain and just shrugs and points to Cactus before going to back to his phone. Cactus: Ya see darlin, our big friend here had a little “incident” last Thursday night. He was fighting this obese mad man and when Ed here tried to superplex him, the ring collapsed. It was like 9/11 all over again. Tropical Beauty: That's so sad! Cactus: He'll be ok ma'am. He's with friends now. We've brought him to this tropical paradise to recover. Tropical Beauty: That's so sweet! Before the conversation can continue, the agent at the customs desk waves the group over. Customs Agent: Have anything to declare? Cactus: Nothing but my genius. Jack: Nice! The two scumbags high five over their love of famed homosexual author Oscar Wilde. Meanwhile the customs agent just groans in disgust. Customs Agent: If one more of you pretty boys fly down here and say that line... Just go, get the hell out of here. You disgust me! Big Ed once again screams like a man possessed. The custom's agent is visibly terrified. Jack: He said he doesn't like homophobes... Cactus: Yeah bro, check your privilege. It's 2016. Big Ed continues to scream gibberish and flail around like a mental patient. Customs Agent: I'm sorry! Just go! Get him out of here! Enjoy your stay! Ahhh!!!!! Big Ed continues to scream nonsense at the homophobic customs agent as Cactus wheels him by. Jack: You disgust me... Cactus spits on the deplorable human being as they leave customs. Before long the new trio is outside of the dinky airport hailing a cab. Jack: So where to first? Cactus: I need a drink. This humidity has me parched. Jack: What do you think big guy? Want to get some alcohol? Nothing bad ever happened when serious brain injuries were mixed with alcohol! Big Ed simply grunts. Cactus slaps him on the back as he tries to load the monster of a man into a waiting cab. Cactus: That's the spirit! Hey boss, can you help me with this? Jack: Help you? Cactus I brought you in to help me! Come on now! Cactus: It's just, he's a little bigger than me... Cactus is trying valiantly to load the giant into the cab with no luck. Jack: Are you trying to put him in the car? Cactus, only winners ride in the car. And while putting a slob of a man with the mental powers of a 6 year old through the ring was entertaining, he didn't win. Cactus: What? Are you serious? Jack: I wanted that crown Cactus. It would have made my eyes POP! Cactus: So what do we do with him? Jack: He's got wheels. Just tie his chair to the car. Cactus: Is that safe? Jack: Safe? Hahahaha! No, no it's not safe. He could seriously get injured. But what's the worst that could happen? He gets knocked even more retarded? Big Ed: BALLOONS!!!!!!!! Jack: See? He'll be fine. Now tie him to the car, I'm not going to get drunk just standing here. Our scene wraps up as Cactus ties Big Ed's wheelchair to the taxi. As the taxi slowly pulls away we see Big Ed giggling in his chair, having the time of his poor, retarded life. Stay tuned this week to the promo room for more adventures of the Gentleman's Club in paradise!

Also before any feelings get hurt I'm going to fall on my own sword here. I dropped the ball huge this week.I was in half the show and I didn't like most of it. I like the promo I wrote solo but the stuff with Ashley and Cactus feels like generic, walmart brand Gentleman Jack. I can't write with others yet. I gotta work on that a lot. Sorry for letting you folks down on that end! We all make mistakes. We aren't polished yet by any means. Let's try to put the bs aside and put on a better one next week.

I think you hit the nail on the head with growing pains. Let's be honest, the tournament has been booked like a Vince Russo fever dream from the start. People move in and out, the brackets morphed overnight, now a guy enters randomly to test dennis. If this were a real, televised product that i paid money to watch id be livid. However, its an E-fed and shit happens. I think the staff is doing the best they can with what they have. I also think the final 4 is going to be an entertaining as all hell and I'm not too pissed over how we got to it. I'll say it again, it's an E-fed, shit happens. As for the open ended match, I'll take my man getting knocked out to save that spot. Worth it. If the tourny wasn't slapdash from the beginning maybe I'd worry about the integrity of it and ask for a redo. However, its an E-fed and I think it fit right in. Can somebody explain the wildcard round? Does the winner get back in, something else, or is it just filler content? Also, since the main event finish was screwy, which one of them is in the wildcard match next week? Both? Neither? Any clarification would rock. In closing, if all of this leads to a Bray vs. Dennis finale then count me in. Don't know why two of the nicest freaking people on the site can't get along but I bet it'll make for an entertaining match if they put it all out there.

In all fairness, nobody has told anyone to "just fucking kill themselves" so i think this is tame for turmoil :) Also this show was kinda hot. Real review to come later.

Bill Fucking Ding is my new version of Bucky Fucking Dent.

Ha i never realized he was an american. I thought years in ocw just americanized him. Also Dennis is as a pure as a virgin's honeypot. I know you doctored the tapes.

Drugs I get, prostitution...sure, white slavery? eh it's 2016, im open minded. But petty theft? You're a disgrace to the company sir! Maybe it's time our country does something about our european immigrant problem...

Kass giving a shit excites the hell out of me! The fact that Dennis gets to work with Versus before me OUTRAGES me but it was a great freaking segment. Any chance guys can start turning off pop up notifications if they record? Watching a high spot and seeing Luvs2splooge47 has logged on is annoying. More to come...

Our scene begins at 2:15 AM outside of a random New York area children's hospital. The parking lot is empty except for a 1997 Nissan Sentra. As the camera zooms out we see what can only be described as a pedophile's rape van rumbling to a stop behind the Nissan. Out step our intrepid protagonists, Gentleman Jack, Big Ed, and their trusted adviser Barry. As they file out of the rape van, we get our first glimpse of the Make A Wish Foundation's own Lisa as she steps out of the Sentra. The poor lady appears to be in her early 40's, very frumpy, but ironically enough is wearing a homemade, bedazzled sweater of a cat that says “Make Me Purr” across the top. Has she had it for years or did she make it earlier in the evening to mark the occasion? Who knows?! Lisa: Jack? As Jack gets his first look at this frumpy mess before him, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a flask of unknown liquid. He takes a very deep pull. Jack: You know, I could have been a engineer. Oh shit, Jack is already lit. Lisa: What? Jack: An engineer. I could have been an engineer! But instead, I'm in this god awful city at this god awful hour with these god awful people so I can do god awful things to you so that in return I can borrow a god awful child for a few god awful weeks! What's so unclear about that? Lisa: Are you drunk? Jack: I don't get drunk, just classier. Only poor people get drunk sweetheart. Now let's light this candle! Where's our kid? Lisa: Well I figured maybe we could go somewhere and... Jack: No, no, no lady. I'm not stupid. You'll get your reward when I get the kid, got it? Lisa: Ok... fine... Jack: That's better! Now where is the little fuck dumpling? Lisa: There's an entire ward inside. Nobody is around at night except a skeleton crew of nurses. We can just go in and pick one. Finally, Big Ed has had enough and speaks. Big Ed: Aren't we going a little overboard here? I've done some evil shit in my day but we're talking about kidnapping a dying kid here! Jack: What?! Kidnapping?! That's a terrible word Edward! Kidnapping? No! We're making dreams come true! Isn't that right Sally? Lisa: It's Lisa... Jack: See? Sally agrees with me! Now c'mon gang! Let's go put a smile on a face! Barry, you got the chloroform? Big Ed: Chloroform? Why does Barry have chloroform? Barry: I always have chloroform. Jack: Yeah, how do you not have chloroform Ed? It should have come with the Gentleman's Club t-shirt. Barry! Remember to get more chloroform to go with our t-shirts! Barry: You got it boss. At this point, the three men and poor Lisa make their way into the hospital. Through the magic of television, we quick cut to the next scene as we see a tight shot of a nurse's face in a darkened hospital ward. Suddenly, behind her we see Barry, faced covered in shoe polish, pop up behind the nurse with a rag in his hand. As he administers the chloroform, the nurse crumples to the floor. With the only nurse on the floor knocked out, the other members of our rag tag group appear. Jack begins to speak in a whisper. Jack: You're really terrible at your job. Lisa: What? Jack: I said, you're really terrible at your job. You're risking everything for an orgasm. Do you know how stupid that is? It sounds like something Barry would do. Well if he had a real job. And if anything normal could bring him to orgasm... Barry: Thanks champ! Jack: Sure thing Barry! Now which way do we... Jack stops dead in his tracks. His face turns white, he stands rigid. This is clearly the most terrifying moment of Jack's life. An adorable eight year old girl, missing her right leg, rolls by in a wheelchair. The little angel smiles brightly, with her dimples gleaming at the group. She simply waves at the group and continues her journey down the hall. Jack: What..the..hell...was...that... Big Ed: The cute little girl? Jack: It was a mon..mon..monster! Where was the rest of her?! Big Ed smacks the bejesus out of Jack. Big Ed: Stop being an asshole! It's just a kid! Jack: It doesn't have a soul! At this point, dear old Barry begins to vomit. Jack: See?! They disgust Barry too! Barry continues to heave. Jack: Ok, cut it out now Barry! If you keep going I'll start. Of course, Barry does not stop. Now Jack is joining in on the fun. The sight of Jack and his 60 year old adviser dry heaving together is too much for poor Lisa as she too begins to gag. Surrounded by gagging, vomiting, people, Ed tries to back away from the group. Sadly, the group begins to follow Ed with hope in their eyes as he's the only one not sick. Running out of options and not being bright in the first place, Big Ed just begins delivering big boots to his friends in hope of escape their vomitus wrath. Big Ed easily handles his sick compatriots. As he stands in awe of his destruction, panic begins to set in over what he's done. Ed busts into the nearest room and begins to disconnect all the tubes and monitors attached to a child. He flings the young boy of about 9 years over his shoulder and exits the room. He grabs an unconscious Jack and flings him over his other shoulder. Without thinking, Big Ed charges for the nearest exit, leaving Barry and poor Lisa behind in a puddle of vomit.

Goddamnit Ed stop getting trashed and posting. Go to bed! You have a tournament to win! Also, the mere idea that i'd nut shot Ed is abhorrent sir. It's slanderous, and I will not have my good name besmirched in this manner.

The following phone call took place at 4:25 PM the day after Turmoil aired between Gentleman Jack and the Make A Wish Foundation. Viewer discretion is advised. Lisa: Thank you for calling the Make A Wish Foundation of greater New York. This is Lisa, how may I help you? Jack: Hi Lisa, this is OCW superstar Gentleman Jack. How you are today? Lisa: I'm fine... You say your name is Gentleman Jack? Jack: That's correct madam. I'll be happy to send you an autographed head shot. Lisa: That's really not necessary sir. How may I help you today? Jack: Well Lisa, I'm in the market to rent a dying child for a week. You see, my associate Big Ed needs to learn a thing or two about consequences and responsibility. Lisa: Wait... What? Jack: I'm sorry, we must have a bad connection. I said I want to rent a dying child for a week. Now can I choose which disease they have? I really don't want anything contagious. I'm looking more for a cancer kinda thing. Oh and no amputees. They freak me the hell out. Lisa: I'm sorry, you want to rent a child? Jack: That's correct miss. By the way, how does your pricing structure work? Do I pay by the pound? Age? I've been perusing you're website all afternoon and I'm just not seeing anything for a pricing guide. Now as I said, this will be a weekly rental so naturally I expect a long term discount. Lisa: Sir, this is the Make A Wish Foundation. We don't charge for children. That's not what... Jack: They're free?!?! Lady, I don't want to tell you how to run you're business but that's a real shitty plan. How do you make any money? Lisa: Sir, we're a non-profit. We're not here to make money. We're here to put smiles on children's faces. Jack: Wait, wait, wait. You mean to tell me these kids are FREE? All I have to do is put a smile on their face? Lisa: That's not really it... Jack: Oh I get it, the kid is free but then you hit me with a lot of hidden fees before I leave the lot right? C'mon lady, I wasn't born yesterday, what's the catch? Lisa: Sir, there's no catch, We aren't a business. We don't rent children. Nobody does as far as I know. We're a charity. We grant wishes to sick and dying children. How do you not know what we do? Jack: Hey don't get snippy with me! Have you ever worked in the service industry lady? The customer is always right! Can I speak to your manager? Lisa: Sir, I really don't think that's going to be necessary. I don't think we can help you today. Jack: Do you know who I am? Lisa: I have no idea sir. Jack something.... Jack: Gentleman Jack! Of OCW! How have you not heard of us? Lisa: OCW? Of course I've heard of that. But I don't know any Gentleman Jack. Jack: So who have you heard of? Lisa: My favorite is Kassidy Hayes. When I get off work, I go home to my three cats in my studio apartment. I put on a Kass match on my tv and an Al Green track on my Zune and then I just savage myself. Jack: You're not... you're not attractive are you? Long pause Lisa: Not really... Jack: Lisa, this is you're lucky day. Go online and look me up. I'll wait. Another long pause as we hear keys clicking away. Lisa: Oh my..... Jack: Right?!?! Now here's the deal lady. I need a sick kid for a week. You need to get that dusty vag knocked around. Let's make a deal. Lisa: Wait, what? Jack: You heard me. You give me a sick kid, I'll come over and take a dive in the bushes. I'll dine at the Y my dear. I'll eat a piece of hair pie. I'll have dinner beneath the bridge. I will drink deep from the fuzzy cup. I'll chow down on Georgia O'keefe's inspiration if you know what I'm saying baby. Lisa: You mean, you want to go clam diving? Jack: Jesus you stupid bitch, I'll eat you're pussy! We aren't going clam diving! I hate the water! Lisa: But, I, when, how, huh.... Jack: I know baby, it's pretty exciting. So what do you say? One sick kid for the night of your life? Long pause. Lisa: Meet me Children's Hospital at 2 AM. I think I can help. Jack: You're a hero! Oh, and take a shower. And remember, above all else, no amputees! Weirdos.... Lisa: No amputees, got it. So do you think maybe we.... Jack: I'm sorry Sally, I really gotta go here. See you in a few hours! End of call.

Versus is my lord and savior. I pledge myself to you anytime you need it. Good god...

if it turns out the skull kids are kwann watts and anthony baker under hoods im going to mark out all over this screen and any others i can find.

You preferred an unwashed, racist, woman beating, biker to the beautiful man you see before you? You have no class sir. Good day.

Eh the roster is decimated by real life and bad schedules anyway. We had no bingo, trance, tank, joe z, or bray this week so we were screwed from the start. While there's nobody around though I hope somebody takes the opportunity.

The Gentleman's Review: 1. De'Relic & Co – So exited to see you guys make a debut. I've had a dark match with a couple of these guys and let me tell you, Mercer is a damned monster! Also glad to have more managers around, I bet we can have some fun in the future. Only downside to you guys is your weird, celtic, lesbian music. I feared you already, now I just giggle at that ridiculous shit. Its only my opinion though and I dressed Ed as a leather daddy so don't take it as gospel. 2. Gentleman's Club - Won't discuss my own shit so I'll take this time to do a plug for us instead. I'd love to add members to the club. If you love to wrestle but hate rping, give me a shout! We can help each other! I'm a full service manager folks. Ill do any writing you want, attempt to set up feuds, and kiss management's ass for you if you have too much pride! Call today! 3. Seb Abbot / Ring Rat Barbie / Special Needs Dennis / Clowns et al – Jesus how much shit can you guys cram into one, long, run on segment? Thankfully the answer is a lot because this was basically the meat and potatoes of the show. Seb shows he can be steady hand, team HPV does its thing, clowns, hazzuh! 4. Cactus Gage / Dustin White – The match didn't load so I have nothing for you. Unless I missed it there were no rps for it either which bums me the fuck out. Cactus is entertaining and Dustin had a little sizzle from last week. Oh well, opportunity lost. 5. Malu / Jackson – This one may just turn out to be super fun if you let it. I like this angrier Jackson. This feud has a little hint of realness to it that I missed in the last go around. I hope you two dont pussy fart around with each other. Set an example for us. Get viscous! 6. Sophia / Pyra – Five bucks says the character of Dennis Black is jerking it to this match in a bathroom while Madison is blowing a cabana boy across the resort during their holiday. 7. Sid / Austin – Stop cock teasing us and come back already. I want to work with you in the future soooooo bad. 8. Malu / Scoliosis #1 – Did skull kid make himself tap out? Watch the submit bar, its nutty. Then he goes and takes liberties with Malu after the fact with no permission, then has the nerve to call out two champions to a show that's already booked. Holy shit snacks! I don't know if I should applaud their fuck it attitude and huge balls or chastise them for being retarded. Making sense of the skulls is like watching Kindergarten Cop on an ether binge. You know you shouldn't but the allure is there. How long O Lord, how long? 9. Willow / Random Piece of Cooz / Sophia – I just wanted to type random piece of cooz. Also Sophia has bigger balls than the rest of us put together and you all know it. Looking forward to the showdown! 10. Big Ed / Kassidy – That's one more for the Gentleman's Club. Ed you're a monster and I love working with you. Kassidy, I love your look and style so much. I hope we get a Kassidy vs The Club story down the road. Or you can do the decent thing and just put on the damn shirt. We're going Tank hunting, you know you want to :) This seamed like a weak show to me, even by our Turmoil standards. I still have the taste of Riot in my mouth though so that may play a part. That was just such a pimp episode of Riot and we did a shameful job of trying to match it. We're the bastard, red headed, step child. We need to have a chip on our shoulder and a fire in our belly that I didn't see. Let's try to go a week without sounding like cunty brats and try to do something special at the show instead. Its so crazy it just may work!

Before the thread gets locked for more dumb fuckery, i take the blame on Ed looking like he does vinyl porn. I'm throwing shit at the wall until we have a star on our hands. Maybe 90s weirdo porn wasnt the answer, but we had to try damnit!

You think you're excited Dennis? Feel these nipples!!!

So I'm going to take this opportunity to apologize to Malu for not doing my homework. I was on board the fuck malu train hard until this thread where I finally realize who's behind it. I've been under the impression that Malu was a legendary character from riot's years past but I wasn't able to find anything so I had 0 respect and assumed you were fluff. Now that I see who the man behind the character is, im jumping off the fuck malu train real quick. This is where you guys trying to keep a semblance of kayfabe screws with new people. Anywho, this is 100% on me and i fully apologize to you sir. If nobody wants to play with you I got a 7 foot friend thatll be free in a couple of months.