Gentleman Jack

You're excited?!?! Feel these nipples!!

I'd just like to say right now that I dedicate my match with Mr. Wes Pepperton to the memory of the late, great Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka and every other man out there that accidentally shot too much junk and strangled his mistress in a drug fueled rage. Mr. Pepperton, I'm going to beat you so badly that you're going to wish you could trade places with the Superfly's dead whore. Versus bless you all.

Previously Recorded Our scene opens open a high school football field in Anywhere USA on a crisp fall morning. We see Gentleman Jack and Dennis Black, both decked out in their finest suburban wear, including Oxford shirts, cardigans, khakis, and wearing Croakies around their necks interacting with a group of underprivileged inner city youth. As Dennis throws a perfect, tight, spiral downfield to an urban youth, Jack looks into the camera. Jack: Oh hi! I didn't see you there! You know, a lot of people have the wrong idea about Turmoil. You see, we're a non violent form of family entertainment. Just as Jack finishes his sentence, we see The Butcher run from off screen and spear the poor child reaching out for Dennis's pass. The scene cuts to the sideline where Madison is dressed as a slutty cheerleader. Madison: We never use sex to sell our product. The scene cuts to an even more scantily clad Casey Paine grinding on a handful of the children's fathers in the stands. The camera then cuts to Seb Abbott coaching another group of children downfield. Seb: As athletes, we understand that the youth of this great nation looks up to us. Seb takes out a small baggie of cocaine, dips his key in, and takes a little bump as the children look on in wonder. The scene then cuts to Leon Valentine and a group of children huddled around a burning pentagram at the 50 yard line. Leon: We're good, wholesome, family entertainment. Leon begins to call to the dark lords of the underworld with the group of very confused children as we hear the random screams of goat. The camera then cuts to Dustin White smoking a cigarette by the concession stands. Dustin: Whoa! I'm in a commercial! Sooooo cool! The camera holds on Dustin. Dustin: Yeah! Camera still holds on Dustin. Dustin: What? Camera still holds. Dustin: Why aren't we cutting? Camera still holds. Dustin: What's going on man?!?!?!?! The camera still holds as Dustin just begins to dance nervously. Dustin: Make it stop! Camera holds. Dustin: Please!!!!!!!! The camera still holds as Dustin to begins to sob and slowly remove his shirt. Dustin: Is this what you want?!?! You animals! Dustin continues to sob and strip. Dustin: I don't like it here anymore.... The camera finally cuts to a spunky Sophia, wearing soccer gear and leading a group of young girls through exercises. Sophia: We're just trying to make the world a little better! One of the girls runs up to Sophia. Little Girl: I think I just got my first period. Sophia: Cut! I'm out! Sophia walks away, leaving the girl in tears as the camera cuts one more time to current Turmoil World Champion Dennis Black holding a football and smiling. Dennis: Turmoil, pass it on! Dennis smiles directly into the camera, his front tooth glimmering thanks to a shitty special effect. He tosses another perfect spiral but its intercepted by Wrex who grabs the ball mid air, immediately chucks it violently at the nearest child, pulls a lead pipe from god knows where and begins to savagely chase the children around the field, screaming anti-catholic remarks at the top of his lungs.

I know Jimmy's immigrant, cum filled ears dont work that well but did i miss something? Theres no beef btwn Cacti and myself. He gave the club production value above and beyond anything I could ask for. He was the steadiest hand in the group. We just disagree over where our characters should go and how we do it. I wish him nothing but the best! That said, Seb is gonna eat you on Turmoil :) Oh and fuck you again Jimmy. Like really, really hard.

A donation of ten thousand dollars has been made in OCW's name to the Human Fund. The Humand Fund, people helping people. Now if you can just pile my presents in the corner that'd be great. The club has a flight to catch. Those 13 year old Cambodian whores arent gonna fuck themselves to sleep.

Just received this via fax from the office of Big Ed and Associates. Apparently he's too high on methamphetamines to properly submit so here's his post, unedited by yours truly: Was the hole match watced from start to end? caramel is being cheered cuz of body of his rookie season. where the little shit was almos a year ago at this time, what he put up with from the three handlers in the match, and how he went about his business in the match. This circle had no story to it. Shit was personal and a way to close the blood feud once and for all. You would need to know the real life shit leading up to this match to know why he'd never let those three go over. I dont really have beef with the challengers, but I know it's a blood feud on his end. Caramel has been wanting b17 to leave for months. When you play against people you have beef with you don't give a shit about finishers. You think Malu woulda cared about anything Jackson did after 126? No. Prob not. You think Pugh would have cared about Prince if Prince even got a F off? No. Fuck your finish is a thing. Some of the most entertaining matches have had real beef. Jackson and Malu, kd and the racist. Dangrel once told me he prayed for a school shooting where only b17 was in the building. I mean come on lol who says that? What should be celebrated is the live in ring rape. Loki match looked one sided. Don't think he got a F off. And bray was beat so badly that the G club could have literally wrote a uncomfortable scene with ace getting unholy gang by big Ed whose got a24 inch shlong, Jack who maybe has 4 inches, Dustin and Seb who combine to be 10 inches deep . and nothing could have been done to stop. That is how badly bray was humbled by Dennis. And bray is one of our better players on the ps4. Runs rough shot over everyone. Shit, he beat me. I don't think he's ever lost to anyone but Dennis and the franchize Nate . And this is the third time Dennis has done this. Bray complained about a roll up at koocw, and was molested in the rematch to prove a point. Trance was the only one to put up a fight. And even he caught an ass whoopin b. His offense was mostly just by survival. No offense to trance. When you face three people in a row with anger and frustration in your core, and the first two don't even hit finishers? Would any of us really just sell for the third guy when you are so close to being the third to ever get through a perfect circle in OCW ? Let's be honest here. Fuck no People need to stop hating on this mother fucker and just move on. Half of you created the little monster he turned into. Maybe y'all should stop shitting on rookies whole sale before we get stuck with another Doug.

So when should the Revolution and the Club expect to receive terms of surrender from all of the B team stables? All you have to do is accept Versus as the one true God that he is and kiss Dennis Christ's feet in the middle of the ring. Then we can put all of this nastiness behind us. Sound good?

Im glad Pugh has built a wall of ******s around OCW.

Oh Asperger-17, its not that a catchphrase is enough, it's just that a quinn catchphrase > a year of B-17 promos. Also, if a woman that willingly lets you enter her calls me creepy, well I'll just take that as a win and mosey on down the dusty trail. Let's hope she never finds that Lei Mei blowup doll you let your urges out on. God Bless :)

So have you had you fill of molesting sheep on the Scottish moors yet? We miss you Jimmy! I'm sure Jackson can speak to somebody with the future administration and work out your immigration issues.

Quinn - Turn your personality and craziness up another two notches. If you do that and increase your give a shit by about 30% and you'll be freaking awesome. You have a catchphrase, I'd frame Bingo for the murder of a japanese woman if it got me a catchphrase. We need more of you in our lives. Wrex - After you bust up that kafkaesque children's birthday party known as the orphanage i hope you start just collecting trophies. There's a handful of people you could eat for breakfast. Find a face and kill him in the ring. When we try to stop you, chair shot the living piss out of us. Remember folks, Bill Ding is for lovers.

Well Ronnie has lost his goddamn mind. Also, Jesus H PuffNStuff Dennis... I agree with 99% of what you say and have made a career of clinging to your nuts. That said, even I want to smack the shit out of you for that over the top.. i dont know what to call it... martyr syndrome? You better Christmas the shit out of Turmoil next week. Bingo is becoming more likeable than you. Well not Bingo, he's a dick, but you get my point. Just do one nice, face thing before the break. Just one!!! Or the all the whos in whoville may cry :(

thank versus, some real wrestling to watch.

So remember kids, when you crank it in a sock you're possibly killing a future OCW Hall of Famer.

Don't make Daddy Dennis mad. He beats us when you aren't around... I mean we walk into doors... yeah, doors...

bunch of no talent cunts... i'll skull fuck all of you!!! all of you i say!!!!

How bout if i promise you'll only molest the bombshells and nothing more... serious?

4th! (I went to public school)

Wow! Much better than last week! You guys still aren't Turmoil but with a little hard work and cleaner fpr you could be!

Just remember when you have cactus and i prepped for a double choke slam who loved you first.

Disclaimer: The following post contains rumors and opinions that are of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of OCW. If any of these rumors are to be proven true, we'll let you know as soon as possible. Rumors have swirled since this weekend that Turmoil is in for a seismic shift. Reports have surfaced online that a secret, four day long, closed door session of the OCW Board of Directors has taken place in New York City. Though we don't for sure what caused the board to convene, credible sources have reached to out us with possible explanations. The rumor gaining the most traction as of Wednesday morning is that OCW will moving its corporate office overseas beginning in the next fiscal quarter. Due to the changing political climate in the United States, many Board Members are actively pursuing relocation efforts due to their worries over the US's economic future under President Elect Trump. When reached for comment, OCW Hall of Fame member Versus stated, “I hear Amsterdam is lovely this time of year. Though the current high rates of STD's in the sex worker industry does concern me for the well being of 92.7% of the OCW roster.” Another rumor circling the internet is that Jayson Sensation, founding member of OCW, is stepping down due to health concerns. When reached for comment, representatives for Mr. Sensation simply said, “Tippy toe to the wicker tree, white devil reached into my pockets for the last time, death to the ACA.” This was then followed by an approximately 27 minute rant on why The Chinese,“Don't have no souls”. While this publication thinks you the reader deserve the full story, most of Mr. Sensation's views are simply unprintable. While these two outcomes are the early favorites, various media outlets are also stating that the meetings may have in fact been arranged to launch a cover up over the disappearance of Lei Mei, the famed Japanese actress who was last spotted leaving a condo that had been leased to OCW contractor B-17 during his off season movie shoot. While no charges have been filed and Mr. 17 has openly and publicly cooperated with the investigation, one can't help but think the worst when discussing this once great man and his rapid fall from grace in the public eye. Thankfully, all of this speculation will come to an end this week as the Board has now publicly stated they will be sending an official representative to kick off Turmoil. Is the company moving? Why does Mr. Sensation pretend to be his own PR department? Do the Chinese in fact have souls? Did B-17 viciously rape, murder, bury, dig up, rape again, and rebury Lei Mei? Tune in this week to the season debut of Turmoil to find out!

I would rather watch slow moving traffic than a B-17 match. Thankfully thats what his promos are anyway.

First I wrote it with a quill, ink, and fine parchment. From there, it was transcribed to a deaf/dumb/blind man that took FOREVER to type it out on a classic 1930s typewriter. Then it was faxed to OCW headquarters and scanned into lime green 1998 i mac or whatever those weird fucking things were called and posted online. Copy and paste... eat a dick.

Since its so quiet around here let's spice things up with a sing a long. Here's a classic Im sure you all know! Everybody all together now! Versus has the whole world in His hands Versus has the whole world in His hands Versus has the whole world in His hands Versus has the whole world in His hands Versus has the itty bitty baby in His hands Versus has the itty bitty baby in His hands Versus has the itty bitty baby in His hands Versus has the whole world in His hands Versus has a-you and me brother in His hands Versus has a-you and me brother in His hands Versus has a-you and me brother in His hands Versus has the whole world in His hands Versus has a-you and me sister in His hands Versus has a-you and me sister in His hands Versus has a-you and me sister in His hands Versus has the whole world in His hands Versus has the whole world in His hands Versus has the whole world in His hands Versus has the whole world in His hands Versus has the whole world in His hands

So we're just going to ignore the fact that a pissed off 7 ft tall monster, the most dominant wrestler on Turmoil mind you, is also in this match? Okie dokie. B-17 will get lost in Los Santos and never make it to the arena. As for Ed and Trance, holy fuck balls am I looking forward to that showdown. Lives will be changed, careers shortened! So much hate will flow! Yeehaw!