Useless Dane Xavier

There are a lot of new rookies around here that are itching to get involved. If you guys contact some of the people involved in the card to see if they need a replacement, then that is a good start toward getting yourself known around here. STEP IT UP ROOKIES!

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Dane Xavier's Riot Review This week's episode: "Munster Cheese & Guacamole" Michael Jordan would be proud to know that Dane Xavier made an appearance in Chicago, because he hasn't seen a legit champion in that city in ages. Why do I feel like I'm writing an RP? Isn't this supposed to be a review? What an inauspicious start. Another in-ring RP from the Darkside, Darkside style. It didn't really seem to have any meaning to it other than hyping their matches for the night. If Smythe loses to Dane later tonight though, he'll be so humiliated. I like how Darkside ends their promos though, by saying ALL BLACK EVERYTHING!!! It lets you know when it's finally over, just like saying AMEN at the end of a prayer. (Just messing with you guys) Team Hostility comes in with a nice RP to sort of put their smashing last week behind them. They show their true bond as a tag team which puts them over really well. It also sets up Brandon's upcoming match very swimmingly, it seems like he wants to try and be an example to his brother Trey, which would mean picking up a win tonight. Nice work gentlemen, please keep it up and help lead the march for tag teams in OCW. Dylan Jones vs. Brandon Hostile: D.Jones has some of the best attires I have ever seen. Brandon's attires are good too. This match worked well as a lower card match and went along nicely. Both of these guys have the perfect movesets for their character and they should do well in OCW. There isn't a whole lot to say about this match, other than it was a good match. I did mark for Hostile hitting that strong strike enzugiri without setting up for it as it's a hard move to hit like that. SCORE: ***** A short but sweet RP coming from Judas Hallows to set up for a match that he will be filling in for against Iceberg Le'Tuce. I'm glad he stated this in the narrative text because it set up for what we were about to read. I'm intrigued by this new look that management has given him and I look forward to seeing what Judas brings to the table. Iceberg Le'Tuce vs. Judas Hallows: I'm trying to figure out how I like Judas' new attire, so I'll let my eyes adjust to it as I watch the match. I had to laugh when Berg bounced off the ropes and failed to hit a move on Judas down in the corner, then playing it off with a taunt. LOL. For some reason Judas keeps going to the suplex in this match. Mix it up kid! Now Iceberg hit a suplex, I feel like I'm watching an Action Arcade Wrestling match. Iceberg's sig/fin combo is too similar to John Cena's but it works for him. This was another match that was just a good match. SCORE: ***** I mark for the "What's this???" video. I along with others that have been around for a while will know what it means and who it signifies, but I won't ruin it for those that are unfamiliar with the character. All I know is, I can't wait for Certified Greatness! Dane Xavier vs. Smythe D. Wonder: I just want to point out that I had already set my class to Stretcher well before this match took place, so my reversing was pure skill. Fuck 85 Tech, I'm Tech without being Tech bitch! LOL @ Fearo's RP, he did a hilarious job of writing his partner out of the tag match. The Super Zero promises to use his super hero powers to put the evil villains of the Darkside away, and he does a great job of setting up the tag match. I mark hard for The Hurricane... I mean Robert Fearo. Robert Fearo vs. Darkside: Fearo has an entrance fit for a Super Zero! Like I said, I fucking mark for this guy! He adds color and comedy to the shows and it really does a good job of breaking the monotony. On to the match! Why was Jookie trying to hit KD a few minutes into this match? Did he say something to him that he didn't like? Is Jookie trying to turn this into a three way dance? Odd, but okay! I marked when Fearo went to attack KD on the apron but got rope pulled on, then Jookie went for a dive but came up short! Then Fearo enters the ring just as KD went for a grapple, and accidentally grappled his partner Jookie. That was quite a funny moment. KD gets the rope pull again later on, Jookie needs to tag him in so he can lay down a beastly whoopin! KD finally gets tagged in. You guys really need to be working as a team and make more frequent tags. I guarantee if Thanatos was in this match, you guys would be getting your asses kicked right now. Fearo exits the ring and Jookie fails to take advantage, getting pulled off the apron for his troubles. Fearo is single handedly owning this match right now. A true WTF moment came when KD had Fearo on the corner across from Jookie, and he does a grapple which results in a double team move... GLITCH! Show this one to THQ and tell them how much of a group of fuck-ups they are! The match got a little irritating to watch when the lag started to happen and the reconnection screen kept popping up, but I powered through it. KD hits the spear and it has to be over, but NO! The Super Zero kicks out for all of the civilians! He powers back to win with a suplex into a floatover pin for the win! This was a very entertaining match! SCORE: ***** My "Real Talk with Dane Xavier" graphic needs updating, I made that back when I was mediocre at motion graphics. Aries vs. Guy Fausto vs. Mayhem: I can already tell due to the quality of the video that this is going to be a long match, but as always, I'll power through it... why is Fausto coming out twice and to Mayhem's music? Someone was out of it when they edited. There are some good spots in this match, like Mayhem destroying Aries on the steps twice, then reversing Fausto running at him outside the ring. He pretty much looked like Big Show beating up on two jobbers in a handicap match. Fausto you stole my taunt and it doesn't look good on you, which makes me believe you stole it with evil intent. Fucker. Mayhem continues to toss these guys around the ring like sacks of potatoes. Why anyone would want to throw a sack of potatoes around is beyond me as they bruise easily, but I'm just instigating an old metaphor. Fausto had a cheese moment late in the match when he did a running move while Mayhem had a finisher, but I suppose ethics aren't against the rules, right? Mayhem winds up getting the win with the ol' punch to the temple on Fausto, shades of Lution 5. Just like then, I don't have a problem with this ending, especially when the length of the match was getting a bit ridiculous. Even though it was long, it was still a good, entertaining match. SCORE: ***** Someone is messing with Aries, it seems like he's kidnapped someone, but who is "she?" What did Aries ever do to have a loved one kidnapped from him? Is Aries the one CM Punk holds a grudge against? WHY!! FINAL SYNOPSIS: There still needs to be more RPs, and as Double A said before, I can only think of one feud off the top of my head, and that's Trevor McManus and Lucas Crowe (and they didn't even have any content this week.) Nonetheless, it was a good show. Robert Fearo is one entertaining sum'bitch and he leaves me wanting more (no homo). Iceberg Le'Tuce, I see you on the show wrestling almost every week, you need to get in there and drop some RPs man! That's pretty much all I've got. Until next week, this is your neighborhood rich douche-bag, signing off!

Nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah, HEY hey hey, GOODBYE!

It all goes along with the unpredictable gimmick. I wanted to make people wonder what I was going to say to Trance later on and it seems like in your case I did a good job of it. I wanted it to make it seem like I was getting in Trance's head by being Mr. Humble, and had I walked in all cocky then it would be a bit more predictable what I was going to say. Just a little retort is all, appreciate the feedback though, you can die happy knowing you made a contribution to society.

I would make the videos myself and class them up, but I would need more time to do so. This means it wouldn't be released until mid week, but I'm sure people wouldn't have a problem with that.

Jookie get at me man, I've got good compression software.

Is Hazard rubbing off on you Trance? Ewwwwwww bad image...

I've been tweaking my moveset, think I got it near perfection now for my stat class, which means no more POWERBOMBS. Just working on a new finisher, thinking about using Kage's twisting neckbreaker

Eddie Mace! I remember him well, he was a beast! Cool guy too. Can't wait to see how this develops.

Again, going back to what MMM said. You need to work on wording your comments so that you're not coming off as an asshole. Right now you're saying "Hey faggot, you failed at editing the match!" when all you had to say was, "Mayhem, next time you edit the match, be sure not to leave in the computer footage that you recorded, as to not confuse people into thinking that I cheesed upon the start of the match." I understand that you don't want any more trouble than you already have, but being an ass about it is the wrong way to go. Have some common sense, mistakes happen, so what if Mayhem made a human mistake in cutting the footage?

So button mashing is a skill... Y'ALRIGHT.

But here is the problem. The reason the ban on tylering has been lifted is because of the stupid Tap A thing when two people go for a grapple at once. The Tap A thing is stupid because it has nothing to do with skill, it's pointless. It's like comparing how fast someone can give a hand job compared to another, when the real skill is the ABILITY to give the hand job, AKA the ability to reverse. Sorry to use such a graphic metaphor, but you get the point.

People just need to not end on shit. I feel the powerbomb worked because as Parker said, it's impactful. Another point being is that I used to have a powerbomb as a finisher, now it's turned into a regular move for a situation like that. Granted, it's not the greatest ending on earth, but what else do you expect from a 4 way? I really didn't want to see this match drag on to the point of clusterfuckdom. The diving headbutt finish, although hilarious, in any circumstance would be stupid. Hazard deserved to get embarrassed like that though because of his stupidity in the beginning of the match. It all depends on perspective, I look at both endings as an ironic swerve. Plus, it breaks the monotony of generic finishes, and starts discussion as such. I think one thing that would take the focus off of match endings would be for people to RP more. I know it's not mandatory anymore (although I think it should be, but I understand why it's not), it adds pizazz to the shows. Going through and seeing so many matches get done is nice, but as Smythe and AA said, people need to submit CONTENT, not just matches. More content would have made this show look great, even if it's just Hazard juggling oranges in the rafters while wearing a tutu, it adds to the ENTERTAINMENT value, something we should be trying to put in and take away from what OCW is based on.

I tried pushing for this a long time ago, we see how well that's caught on.

Stop smoking that Reggie Bush!

Even though the rules don't say you have to do this, I still make an attempt to hit a finisher in my match, which I did. Had I not at least attempted a finisher I wouldn't have held the pin, that's just a general rule that I like to follow in order to make my matches look good. But hey, at least it wasn't an hour long clusterfuck, which is what I expected. A 10-15 minute Fatal Four Way made for a nice Main Even IMO.

Dane Xavier's Riot Review This week's epidsode: "Chronicles of the Long Lost Egyptian Mole-Rat" So I had a gigantic review written up last week in the “reply to thread” box, and stupid me accidentally linked away from it after writing it. So this week I’m writing in Microsoft Word because that’s what I should have done all along. Anyhow, we’re in Charlotte, North Carolina this week, Flair Country! WOOOOOOOOOO! How fitting would it be if I actually won the North American Championship in Charlotte? The beginning of my rise to the top starts in The Nature Boy’s hometown! But I’m getting too far ahead of myself, let’s get on with the show. Hennig comes out and announces that he’s giving the commentary the week off, so I figure why not give some commentary myself in a review. Hennig is throwing his weight around; I don’t understand the purpose of this decision, our GM is drunk tonight. No, I’m not going to use the metaphor that he’s drunk with power, I mean drunk on alcohol, you can tell by the way he walked down to the ring, looking like he’s trying to keep himself from puking. Lucas Crowe vs. ?: I said this in my long lost review last week, but I love Lucas Crowe’s entrance and music. They go well together and it works nicely for the gimmick. Who is Crowe to face? I don’t know, let’s click play to find out… Crowe’s here and ready to fight! Gotta love the VINTAGE tenacity from this man… too commentary-like for a review? Ah well, Crowe’s opponent is Dorien Arnaud, I like his music and entrance combo, it’s pretty epic. If he sticks with this track, he has earned the right to go by his first name, DORIEN. I can see it now! Dorien, the Swaggerin’ Canadian! There’s your market kid! I mark for the semi-Dennis Rodman look, PLEASE stick to this theme! So the match starts with a markable moment, ROCK PUNCH + ORTON TAUNT! I had to chuckle. The match is evenly paced for the most part; no one really completely dominated the match. I laughed when Dorien when for a diving move and Crowe just walked out of the way, reminds me of something Samoa Joe would do. I marked hard for the leverage pin, reversed into another pin! That’s a pretty cool feature this year, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that. Close two count! WTF, another leverage pin! The match goes on a little longer, still back and forth, and Crowe picks up the win with a nice sig/fin combo, that fits your character very nicely. I’m going to steal from MMM here and go with the format on how he rates things… so credit to him for the idea. SCORE: ***** Here comes Darkside to do some smack talking, I suppose they aren’t too happy about the up and coming Black on Black crime that I consider to be a nice treat. They better do it right this time… dammit I eat my words! It’s not going to happen? These guys really don’t want to touch each other, or at least not in the violent way… see what I did there? This RP is great and had the potential to be greater if they talked about having the Darkside vs. Darkside match on the grandest stage of them all, but I’m getting WAY ahead of the game with that. Smythe threatens RD Money, and I hope he’s watching. He’s a hypocrite for taking away one black on black dream match and gives us a whole different perspective. The only problem is, if this match happened, no one will be able to see what’s going on in the ring. Good stuff Darkside, let’s see what you do with it, I look forward to it. Chris Baxter vs. David Jackson: The pirates collide in a fast paced match! I know these guys are EX’s, but Baxter sure moves fast for a chubby guy! But seriously, was this match sped up because it was too long? Don’t do that; just cut it up. I’m assuming these guys were going by old rules because the match would only be long if that were the case. If not then they must be really evenly paced. Honestly I can’t watch this; it’s hurting my eyes. I’m going to fast-forward to the end. Sorry, but I just can’t watch this. I’m going to start reviewing at the point where the match is finally slowed down. Some nice kicks on both ends, I find it funny that we have a rapist against a switch hitter, quite the disturbing matchup. These guys are obviously evenly matched, but they need to up the aggressiveness, the rules this year allow for it. Baxter wins it off the Flip Piledriver, which fits him nice. All in all good match aside from the part that made me dizzy in the beginning. SCORE: ***** First Crowe chokeslams Trevor through the ring, now he’s putting him in a casket! What does this all mean? What did Trevor ever do to Crowe that pissed him off so bad? Did he give him a bad hotdog? This feud is interesting and full of questions. I like it, but I hope those questions are answered soon as I am interested in this feud. There is another nice feud building between Guy Fausto and Dylan Jones. Jones seems to think that Fausto is trying to mentor him, and Fausto seems to be playing along. I think this is a setup, if Jones goes to attack Smythe, he’s probably being set up. Mind fuck the name of the game when it comes to the nerdy Fausto. Bonus Match: Oh God, not another tag team match! Last week in my long lost review, I noted that I actually sat through that half-hour nonsense. There were some markable moments that which made it somewhat entertaining, but it was just too long. I’m going to give these guys another chance and watch this match, I have a good feeling about it after what went down between Thanatos and Robert Fearo last week. I’m not even sure whom they’re facing, looks like Justin Gabriel and Justin Gabriel. A positive in this match: frequent tags. A negative: the camera angle kills it. Why on earth did THQ think that this was a good idea? Were they thinking at all? Anyways, I’m thinking this is Team Hostility that’s facing Kane and Hurricane… er… Batman and Robin… oh that’s right, Thanatos and Fearo. Sorry, you guys just have such familiar looks to you. Anyhow, these guys are really entertaining as a team and this match seems to be going better than last week’s half-hour spectacular. They have the edge in this match over whoever it is they are facing, but I’m still rooting for Team Unknown so that I can see who they are when their name shows up in the winner plate. Epic hot tag fail into the chokeslam! I marked! This leads to a victory for Fearo and Thanatos with a hot tag of their own, into a reverse DDT finisher, looks good on Thanatos. SCORE: ***** Bonus Match II: So I was wrong about that tag match, it obviously wasn’t Team Hostility. Brandon faces off against K.Dangelo who was supposed to face Smythe tonight, but earlier situations provide otherwise. Did I just realize that Hostile ruined this match like 3 days ago in the chatbox when he was bragging about his first SvR11 win? I hope not, because if KD taps like a bitch then I’ll be disappointed. KD is indeed a beast this year, as he seems to be back on the game he was on in late 2009. Hostile keeps reversing the irish whip in the corner with the springboard, try and cut back on that a bit. All in all, this was a good match. Evenly paced, but KD has the size advantage in this one. He wins the match with a backbreaker sig and spear fin. Suppose the finisher works on him. SCORE: ***** Mayhem vs. Hazard: I’ve been waiting for this match all week! I’m kinda disappointed that Hazard isn’t coming out to Miley Cirus this week, but you can’t always get what you want. He comes out of the gates right at Mayhem with a running grapple, a little cheesy but Hazard realizes his life could end tonight. Wait… wtf? LOL! The cheesy bastard just got played! Nice editing of your original start Mayhem! I mark for showing cheesiness. I know Hazard is already a tiny dude, but Mayhem makes him look like a little kid! He is eating this baby alive right now! When I was a little kid, I was at a pool party, and this girl was there and she always loved to make fun of my middle name. She kept calling me “Lee!” and I started crying and chased her into the house. My mom scolded me about it but the next week the little girl started making fun of my middle name again, so I squirted Elmer’s glue in her eyes. Long story short, Mayhem rapes Hazard and wins it with a diving headbutt! LMAO! SCORE: ***** Jookie Marley vs. Guy Fausto: Chinlock. SCORE: ***** MATCH OF THE NIGHT VOTE: Mayhem eating a baby. By the way, here’s the photo that I want to be used when the Champions section is edited. KTHANXBAI. http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g289/jlethridge1/DaneXavier22.jpg

So... Hostile had two matches in one night? Interesting.

Who in the world were Thanatos and Fearo facing?

Page 2 for my review, which is almost done.

Wow, I'm... just ribbing the big guy Brandon... take it easy man, he knows I'm joking. Yeah I lost, that doesn't matter to me. I'm satisfied because we had match of the week last week. All is right and good in the world!

So at first I thought Mayhem was confusing my theme song for being on Relapse when it's on Recovery, but then I realized he meant it was HIS relapse back to cheesiness. At least he's being up front about it. :-P

Can I safely say that Morrison found a way to give us all chub without sounding homo?

Bring it hotdog vendor! Let's hope the match ends in time for your shift!