The camera fades in, showing two chairs in the middle of what appears to be a set. The background of the set looks to be of a train station. Tracks are on both sides, with multiple columns running off the image. The song Adelita's Way - Invincible begins to play, as the title, "The EX-Change" flickers on screen. Aries and Jacob Trance walk out from seperate sides of the camera's view, and proceed to take a seat.
Aries - Good evenin' ladies and gents. 'a'm y'er most lovable Scotsman, Aries.
Trance - And I hate Hazard...Jacob Trance.
Aries pauses and looks over and Trance.
Aries - Ye' 'ate 'azard? Why? Wot' 'as he ever done to ye'?
Trance - Do you really want to know? I mean, if I tell you, I'm not promising you won't hold up your lunch.
Aries - Ooooh, now 'a'm really interested.
Trance lets out a heavy sigh.
Trance - Ok, you asked for it.
Trance looks over into the camera.
Trance - This passed Tuesday, I was hanging out at the gym in my hometown of Detroit, Michigan, right? I was lifting weights..like you do, and this guy with a really tiny head walks up to me. I didn't recognize at first, because I haven't seen him since my GCW days. Anyway, he walks up to me, and asks where the "rubbish" is. Me, being an American...and nothing else, go on to ask, "What on God's green Earth is a rubbish?" He says "Oi, its a trash can, like you yanks use, har har har."
Aries - Did he really say har har har?
Trance - No, I'm just paraphrasing. Anyway, here's where it gets better. He begins clutching his stomach, and being the nice guy that I am, I ask..."What's wrong Haz?" He says to me "OI OI OI, a've had runny poo all day har har har."
Aries - ....wot'...
Trance - My point exactly! He then proceeds to run over to the nearest "rubbish" because the bathroom is occupied, and I think you can guess what happened then.
Aries face begins to change color slightly.
Trance - Don't tell me I didn't warn you.
Aries - 'a do believe me 'aggis is about to color the floor.
Trance begins to laugh.
Trance - Anyway! The real reason why we're here...on this show...right now. Welcome to the EX-Change. A brand new show staring myself, and Aries. I was so stoke to do this show when management asked. I mean, can you believe they actually asked US to do something for once?!
Aries - No, that is totally unbelievable. 'azard's runny poo 'as better decision makin' than them.
Trance - All too true.
Aries - Back to the show. Today's topic of discussion...not related to 'azard, is the status of the OCW World Heavyweight Championship.
Trance - We will be discussing how the most prestigious title in this industry went from Oprah status, to Bernie Madoff, all in one fell swoop.
Aries looks over at Trance with a confused look on his face.
Aries - Who the 'ell is Oprah?
Trance looks over at Aries, trying to contain his laughter.
Trance - Are you....are you serious? You don't know who Oprah Winfrey is?
Aries - 'a've never heard of 'em.
Trance - You cannot be that oblivious.
Aries scratches his head as an idea hatches.
Aries - OOH! Is that the white guy with the blonde tupee?!
Trance - That's....no, you know what, yes, that is Oprah Winfrey.
Aries - Well Oprah Winfrey is a douchebag. 'a once tried out f'er the Apprentice y'enno?
Trance - You tried out for the Apprentice? Wow.
Aries - Aye. He fired me, and 'a wasn't even on the show. Douchebag.
Trance - You never cease to amaze me good friend. Anyway, back to the topic at hand, the OCW Heavyweight Title. Let's go all the way back to the beginning, where the OCW Title began its slow downward spiral into nothingness.
Trance sits up with his hands folded, as Aries proceeds to do the same.
Trance - The darkest...most excrutiating moment in OCW history.....Vincent Valmont winning, and then cashing in his Future Investment on, the one and only, Leonheart...I...
Aries - 'a don't mean to interrupt ye' or anythin', but did ye' ever wonder where the name Leonheart came from? Or wot' it means? Is that 'is entire name? Is 'is first name Leon and last name Heart. 'a mean really.
Trance - I do believe it's a ring name Aries...much like yourself.
Aries - Aye, but...Leonheart. A man named Leonheart wos' our World Champion. Wot's next, Rosie O' Donnelle committing adultry with a man?
Trance - Speaking of adultry and Leonheart, have you heard that he got married this passed weekend?
Aries jaw slowly drops.
Aries - Leon...got married?
Trance - Yes, he did. Sadly, the only people attending said wedding were in fact a pastor, Leon, cam-ninja, a cardboard cutout of Kang James, and the groom.
Aries - Who wos' the bride?
Trance - Funny you should ask that, Aries. We infact, have a picture from the wedding, here with us right now.
And image flashes on screen.
http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o116/crimson099/The-Bride-and-Groom.jpg
Aries - ...BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA!
Aries falls over on the floor in laughter.
Trance - Yes, apparently Leon was the bride...just imagine how pretty he must've felt.
Aries slowly gets back up to his chair, and brushes himself off.
Aries - Ok, enough shenanigans, lets get back to business.
Trance - Right. After Leonjobber jobbed his title off to Vincent Jobmont, all Hell broke loose. I don't even mean that figuratively. There were riots in the streets, black people were stealing TV's, and RD Money rolled over in his Escalade.
Aries - Let's face it folks, Valmont becoming World Champion...off of somethin' like that...Jaysin must 'ave been furious. In fact, I 'ear that every night since then, ye' can seen steam from 'is laptop rising' from the Joe-Louis Arena.
Trance - Scary stuff. But, shall we move on?
Aries - After that, Valmont defended his title against Paul Levesque. The only reason given as to why this match wos' match, wos' "The Glass Ceiling is coming down! Somebody 'elp! Call 911!"
Trance - ....I believe it was Trevor McManus.
Aries - No, 'a'm quite sure it wos' Paul Levesque.
Trance - Come to think of it....
Trance rubs the side of his neck.
Trance - I think you're right Aries....Paul Levesque has in fact, wrestled for OCW.
Aries - See? Ye' can't challenge me' memory laddie.
Trance - I'm sorry for ever having doubted you.
Aries - Apology accepted. Anyways, Paul goes on to defeat Valmont...and becomes the new World Heavyweight Champ. This goes to show, that through consistency, and a wee' bit of bitching', ye' shall become the next World Champion.
Trance - Lets move forward to the next two months, shall we? Now we have Paul, versus Jobmont, and K.D. We have Glass Ceiling against Not-a-hoss-mont, against the roid monkey. This will not be pretty for ANYONE. Lets face it, a piece of lettuce has more personality than these three sycophants.
Aries - Speakin' of lettuce, 'ave you seen the new guy, Iceberg Let'uce?
Trance - As a matter of fact, I haven't. What's he like?
Aries - He's a cool guy...aside the fact his first name is ironic.
Trance - How so?
Aries - Well...in layman's terms....it wasn't AN iceberg that sunk the Titanic...it was THE Iceberg. I have scientific footage, that it was in fact Iceberg Lett'uce that was single handedly responsible for the lives of thousands!
An image flashes on screen.
http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o116/crimson099/sup.jpg
Trance - Great, now you have me petrified of ever going into the ocean. Damn Lett'uceberg!
Aries - Anyway...wait...wot' were we talkin' about?
Trance - I do believe it was the Triple Threat borefest that was KD, Paul and Valmont.
Aries - Ah, right! Well...all 'a 'ave to say about it is....why? Bookin' not only books the match once...not twice...but THREE times. Now, are ye' goin' to tell me that there wos' absolutley NO ONE else that could 'ave possibly been booked and this match? 'a mean no one at all? OCW now has the creativity of a wet sponge, thanks to that.
Trance - Let's break down the three snoozefests, shall we? First...we had K.D. take some sort of special stimulant, that almost helped him win the match. He kicked out of Valmon'ts violent finisher, and proceeded to let Paul win. Now, instead of fining, or suspending K.D. like a normal company would do, they proceed to book the same match...on Riot.
Aries - Now, this match is a bit different, only because Vincent Valmont no showed. So K.D. gets yet, another shot at glory, and loses significantly.
Trance - Onto the third and final confrontation. Valmont wins the title YET AGAIN, while Paul tries to Glass Cieling his way into a rematch. Now tell me, why, WHY, would you give K.D. AND Valmont rematches, when one used some sort of physical enhancement, and the other no showed? Ladies and gentlemen....Freddie is rolling over in his creative. He is laughing at the lack of creativity from OCW booking.
Aries - So, Valmont wins the title, thanks to the booking staff on OCW...movin' on to August. Things are really heatin' up now, aren't they?
Trance - Oh, you know it!
Aries - 'a go on to win the King of OCW, and earn my shot at the OCW Title. Now this, this is wot' should have happened AFTER Trips won the title the first time, instead of defendin' three times, against two mediocre muscleheads.
Trance - Its what should have happened? Aries, my friend, I like you...but you have about as much character developement as when Nate Ortiz rose from the grave, no selling being buried alive.
Aries - Hey! Icksnay on the Nate Ortizay.
Trance - What?
Aries - The REAL glass cieling.
Trance - OH! Oh...right. Can we uhh...can we cut that bit out?
Camera man nods his head.
Trance - Ok, good. That was close, thanks Aries.
Aries - No problem Jacob. Anyway, 'a get me World Title Shot, lose, and the title loses even more value than before...simply because 'a did not win. Look at it this way, the last few weeks 'ave been nothin' but a giant skid stain on the underwear of the wrestling industry.
Trance - The faux pas to end all faux pas'.
Aries - 'a don't speak Chinese.
Trance - .....
Aries - ....
Trance - Shut up.
Aries - I can't, we're attached at the hip, remember?
Trance - Oooooh, that's right.
Aries picks up his chair, and moves it closer to Trance.
Aries - Thats more like it!
Trance - Anyway, lets move on to the final month of the OCW season. Valmont..jobs off the title to Leon...the same we he won it from him. Are you kidding? Again...creativity, sponge.
Aries - Its times like those that make Baby Jesus weep.
Trance - Really? I thought that was Parker's attires.
Aries - I think ye'r right. It makes Baby Jaysin cry?
Trance - Sounds about right. Anyway folks, we are fresh out of time for today. We hope to see you next week on the EX-Change! I hate Hazard, and I'm Jacob Trance.
Aries - 'a'm Aries! See ye' next week!
Trance goes to stand up, and Aries immediately follows. He puts his arm around Trance, as both walk off the set. Camera fades.
