Michael Morrison

Glad to hear you are doing well... but why did you post a pic of HHH?

I really wanted to put AJ in there with a red suit, but it just clashed. As I told Geomon already, the hardest part was RD Money and here's why: 1. Trying to find a black guy in a suit that wasn't red, purple, sky blue or yellow, was quite difficult. I eventually found a pic of someone with their hands in their pockets and just darkened the wrists. 2. Once I found a suit, I had to find a way to fit his gigantic neck into the suit without making it look obvious that his original neck is the size of my waist. I'm gonna start calling RD Money, Head n' Shoulders.... cus there sure as hell ain't a neck on that sumbitch.

Well his manager sucks ass. He's probably pocketing some money as well. Drop his ass and get a female manager that just stands there and looks pretty... maybe jumps up and down from time to time. Thats the way to go, my German friend.

Huh... not often you see a German guy in Japan. Doesn't really have anything to do with the article, it's just the first thing that popped in my head for some reason. That and that weird commercial from "Mr. Baseball".

Good, good... and all is well in the land of OCW.

You name your finisher "The Kang Bang" yet?

I was never really good at bugging people, so I used to pay Heaton to bug Jaysin for me. He's like a nagging Wolverine - he's the best at what he does... but what he does ain't pretty.

Man... that first match brought back some good memories. Who can't love the table glitch where you fall off the table but your opponent remains hovering in the air above and then rams himself through the table somehow. Voodoo in that hoodoo. A quarter of the way through Deano v. Air, I thought Deano was definitely going to win it, but he just couldn't sneak his finisher in there. Air manages to counter two finishers and kept himself in the match for quite some time and even had a shot at pulling off the upset. Banjo, thanks for the "legendary" status in your interview. Although I don't consider myself a legend, I appreciate it, none the less. And here's to Nemesis and his slow "I'm so badass I don't have to run after my prey" chase technique... which will hopefully buy you enough time to evade him further - as long as you don't trip in the woods or something. Banjo's match against rookie Jason Michaels was interesting. Jason was going after Banjo's legs like he was Stacy Keibler or something. Spot of the match had to be when Jason ran right into a Spine Bustaaaaaa. I will give Jason points on his CAW, though. The face stands out... obviously the hair as well. The overall look is different, so he sticks out. That's a good thing when you're in a league responsible for 7 foot clowns, Gothic Cowboys and Sensei's with flowing, golden locks. Oh snaps, Ryder flips the script on Reed and delivers a 3rd degree burn by pointing out it was Reed and Strider who lost the Tag Titles to Team Underdog. I guess it shows him right for trying to slap the label of "dead weight" onto his former "Movement" members. For shame, Reed. As for Bauer's match against Matt "Don't Call Me Heaton" Spears; I gotta say the ending was a nice entertaining touch. Brad Bauer gets robbed... and not just one of those, "Hey give me your wallet", lame crackhead robberies, but one of those, Terminator punching a hole through your friend and then turning to you only to say, "Your clothes... give them to me." That kind of robbery. Paul Pugh goes Y2J on us with his LDN countdown... did I see "lightsaber" in there? Anyways, he enters Y2J style and dawns some retro Miami Vice gear as he interrupts Jason Michaels... who honored us with this brilliant piece of RP'ing, "Jason laughs as he struts around the ring cockily" This quote would only be rivaled by Deano's, "I have had so much sex lately I'm not sure who's been Deano'd and who hasn't." If he keeps it up, I might have to start bringing a sign that says, "I came to Turmoil to see Deano Horse." Keep on rocking the casbah, brah. In the main event, it looked like Trips might have had the jitters, which is common when facing a champion. You know they're a champion for a reason and it ain't gonna be easy, so you tend to over think or over defend in hopes that you won't make a mistake. In the end you realize that they're only human... all too human. In a nut shell, Trips gave it his darndest but got his Mutt Sack to go. Just know this, RD... I'm watching you very closely. I know you better than you think and when I return... money ain't a thang. :P

Hehe... What, can't a guy enjoy having something named after him from time to time?

Shazam!

I warned Chino not to put me in there, but he wouldn't listen... he just wouldn't listen. Madness, I say.

I have to disagree with Crowe. The desperation is so thick in this card that I can smell it through the screen. It's oozing with lack luster un-originality and much like a hooker who's had a busy night, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. No sir, I have to say it's quite apparent that Vimes is down to his last light bulb when it comes to fresh ideas and soon we'll be seeing matches like, "Because I saw them on AIM" and "They both have short hair". I'm disappointed in you Vimes. I expected stuff like this from Geo... but not you. ..... I'm just fuckin with ya. Here's to a new Hardcore Champion and could we possibly see OV and Dan team up after their match to form the devistating "Terror Syndrome"? Probably not, but I like the name.

No, really... Paul London?

http://img103.imageshack.us/img103/9739/sideshow1hr6.jpg He was like our Bigshow... only meaner, more sadistic and funnier. He oozed entertainment... as well as crisco, with each step he took. Truly a legend, indeed. And who can ever forget the assless chaps... I know I won't, because I've been trying to for the last 2 years.

Paul London?

What kind of hat we talkin' bout here? You putting up a 10 Gallon or more along the lines of a baby beanie?

Riot Reveiw... damnit, why didn't I think of that? That's pretty catchy. PS: Good read.

Before I start, I just wanted to put the spotlight on Poling and Scaggs… and all the commentators in OCW/CCW for that matter. They come out every week with snappy one liners and funny dialogue for each show. Pretty much they have to right RP’s for every show on almost every page which can’t be easy. Good job fellas. Venom/OV Terror v. Poison/Guy Anyone else find it funny that Venom faces Poison… that Tall Guy faces Guy? Just thought that was funny. Anyways, the Venomous Terrors try to send the Stormin’ Mormons back to the Bible Belt. This is no easy task, because these Mormons aren’t offering a helping hand or a kind word. None of that hidden "guilt trip" crap for these black tie wearing, backpack carrying, help you move your stuff and call you 2 months later to return the favor, sumbitches… no offence, Poison. OV takes a shot at Guy at the start of the match and doesn’t do to well... to be honest. Eventually they both tag in their partners, except I can’t tell the difference between Guy and Poison. Thank God one of them decided to wear elbow pads. Venom seems to be having better luck than his tag partner and even counters the initial double team tag that brought Poison into the match. He stays on Poison and keeps the aggression high; even hitting a nasty 20 part combo: Toss opponent to turnbuckle, Snake Eyes on Turnbuckle, Chops groggy opponent into the ropes, rope grapples opponent into a Val Venis Double Knee attack, back grapples groggy opponent with Inverted Suplex. That’s one hell of a chain O_O Around 13 minutes into the match, Guy and Terror grow tired of the ref’s constant annoyingness, so Guy Irish Whips the bastard towards Terror, who nails him with a boot to the kisser. Despite having a tread pattern permanently plastered onto his face, the ref shakes it off and gets back to work. All in a days work for these human pin cushions of the law. Also, pay close attention to how the match was ended. Knowing those two, it was probably planned that way so you might want to do, what we refer to in the biz as “scouting” if you face these gents in the future. RP: Poison knows if you’re not wearing the Magical Mormon Underwear. That is all. Video Promo: Hehe… he said inevitable. http://blairmulholland.typepad.com/mulholland_drive/images/2007/07/12/kim_jongil_team_america.jpg I said inebitable! HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP Brian “Not Kaaang” James v. Robert “I love Burger Kaaang” Fearo A former Kaaang tries to redeem himself after losing the crown to a dancing fool. With the court jester wearing the crown, is all hope lost in the kingdom of hardcore or has the fool finally found a world in which he reigns supreme? The match itself is pretty long, coming in just over 22 minutes and ends with someone being violated behind the bleachers with thousands looking on… actually, I’ve had a nightmare like that once, accept it was Chyna having her way with me. Fear the manclit.

That he was. I wonder if he's bringing back the drunken slang... mang.

Stop feeding Jaysin ideas. Anyways, although I enjoy the concept of just straight wrestling where people can't exploit Irish Whips/Turnbuckle Moves/Turnbuckle Finishers and so on, the MMA idea does seem a little out of place. I liked the "Pure" concept and I wish I could make my 2006 S Cup Attire on 2007, but I can't :(

Bite me. Anyone could have misunderstood what Rage in a Kage meant. So, seeing as Hardcore Rules means there are no rules, does this mean a Hardcore Rules Hardcore Championship Match allows the opponents to, lets say, battle in the ultimate thumb wrestling extravaganza?

Zombies in the room, Bitch! Don't press "select", shoot! There are zombies in the motherfukin room! You don't have to load the gun, we did that shit for you... shoot em in the head, SHOOT EM IN THE HEEEEAD! OCW HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP Zombie Venom v. Zombie Reed. Venom unleashes a deadly killer combo at the start of the match when he goes Tekken on Reed's ass. Venom dominates the first minute of the match, with Reed having trouble getting anything in besides a Belly Judo Chop. Reed slowly starts to build momentum and puts himself back in the game with some assistance from a steel chair... not the infamous chair of OCW, just your normal non talking chair. Things also turn in Reed's favor when he does what no other wrestler seems to figure out. Venom Irish Whips Reed towards the barricade and Reed simply stops running... genius. Reed is able to put another weapon to good use and considering this is a hardcore match, the one minute rally that Venom unleashed at the start of the match may be re-leashed. Who needs combos when you can just hit someone with a sledgehammer once...am I right? Venom finally gets some solid swings in with the sledge and even breaks that bad boy, but Reed counters by tossing him face-first into the ring post. I guess simply ceasing to run isn't as easy as it looks when in the heat of battle and suffering from minor concussions. The action heads back to the ring and so do two more weapons... mainly a barbed wire bat and sitting utensil. Venom has Reed at his mercy when he lifts him in a vertical suplex but walks him over to the ropes instead of slamming his dead ass on the chair... or the bat for that matter. Booooo! Just to be clear, I used "Boooo" in the, "I didn't much care for that" sense... not the, "I'm trying to scare you" sense. 8:33 = Move of the Match. At this point, Venom is in trouble and can't even throw a punch without tending to his own head injuries. He's already gone DR, so he needs to grab the bazooka under the ring and make Reed a real zombie. Wooop... 9:25 = New Move of the Match. Speaking of dead stuff, Eddie Allen kicks the awesome bucket in a way that can only be described as... fantastic. DJ Zombie (which might actually be a real DJ somewhere) v. Zombie Fearo (which might actually be a disorder of some kind) There are few things quite as frightening as the living dead, but a zombie that loves to dance the night away... well God save_us222 all. As usual, DJ's matches are fun to watch with spots occurring at: 2:05 2:17 2:39 - 2:49 (More so the determination of DJ) 5:35 (Deano only) 7:25 (Once again, Deano only) 12:04 (I thought Fearo was gonna counter it) 16:09 (Off the rebound) 16:26 (Because I realized how much Fearo looks like Solomon Grundy) The list of spots does not include failed spots, or "Damn, that mat is moving towards my face really fast right now" as I like to call them... in honor of Candice Michelle. At this moment, I'm so hungry I could eat a corpse (in case you think you're clever, Bauer, I already know what you're thinking), so I'm gonna finish laters. http://img502.imageshack.us/img502/5442/madgrundyag2.png Foooooooood!

Was the monkey spanked or beaten? This might determine the extent of time in which the monkey will be kept from Air's reach.

Freakin' ay, thank god Jaysin said something because I never caught that little link at the bottom. The Iron Man... Mr. Jones... The Killer Instinct... bringing the Attitude Era back, old school style. Nice.

First off, I just wanted to say: Where else can you find a segment that involves a man named Dick Blood being accused of lying about his gender (amongst other things) by a guy named Air... with a pet monkey... who he later beats... he beat his monkey on T.V. Moving along. How the hell did you guys manage to have crowd sound effects through out the whole match, but no other sound what so ever? Not only that, but it was like a 5 second sound bite that just loops over and over. I swear to god if I hear someone else whistle in the next 24 hours, I'm gonna go Mike Tyson on their asses. http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/40616000/jpg/_40616282_low_getty300.jpg The above picture also reveals the ending of their match. See how I made that all fit together? Looks like someone is returning to the ring and it looks like it just might be Under Jeritaco... I couldn't think of anything funnier when combining Undertaker and Jericho. Kind of sounds like a bad Mexican vaginal disease, doesn't it? Speaking of genitals - two Dicks confront each other and one eats a knee. Tell me that's not a disturbing image if taken literally. Bauer comes out looking like a gypsy in drag and RD comes out looking like a... gypsy in drag. It's like he's having a competition with Shelton to see who can look more like Sisqo. http://us.ent2.yimg.com/musicfinder.yahoo.com/images/yahoo/island/sisqo/sisqojpg.jpg Also, I'm not sure if it was done on purpose, but the AC-DC song "Love Me for the Money" was a nice touch. However, MC Hammer's "Can't Touch This"... let's just say that I wish people would take the songs advice. The match itself was fun to watch and had some good reversals tossed in. RD Money almost costs himself the match by catering to the crowd and repeatedly attempted to hit his finisher set-up moves. Would have been funny if he did the Geo Elbow but he opted for the Lashley Queer Speer :P