Useless Dane Xavier

In my personal opinion, I believe it would be better if Parker and Trevor teamed up and Mayhem and Dane teamed up, that way the guys who have beef with each other have to tag together. Just a thought. EDIT: This is a great fucking card...

Isn't there a rule about ME PPV title matches? That you HAVE to end it off a finisher? In that case it couldn't end off a powerbomb... unless that powerbomb were a finisher.

Wrestlution Preview by Dane $ Xavier I did this a couple of years ago for Lution IV, figured I'd bring it back for VI. I'm going to work from the bottom up because it seems fitting... and for some reason that's just how I roll. Wrestlution, often pronounced Resolution because that's just what this event is, the resolution of all wrestlutions, the place to settle a score, YOUR MOMENT! This is the sixth installment of the event and every year it's incredible. We've seen Dennis Rodman as part of the short lived SWO, we've seen an Ozzy Osbourne impersonator, we've seen Boxing Jesus, we've watch EX Gauntlets, Four Corners of Wood, Icon vs. Icon, Careers on the line, contracts on the line... screwjobs... firings... only to later on be rehired because this certain individual sued for a hefty contract... the list goes on and on! What could we possibly see this year? We've got 9 guys who up until the end of last year weren't even in OCW. Now, they're at Wrestlution with a chance to really get noticed. What could possibly happen when 9 guys with tons of Ambition walk onto the biggest stage of them all? OVER THE TOP ROPE AMBITION RUSH: Prepare for a weird one! We've got a cowboy, an all seeing eye, a Canadian, an old school dude who looks like he fell out of an AWA locker room, a witch doctor, and a tattooed up guy with five vowels in his name... sounds familiar... anyways, whoever pulls out the win gets the opportunity of a lifetime, a shot at the Ambition Championship which will be decided later in the night. Dale and Lucas have a busy night ahead, as they have to watch this match and prepare for each other at the same time. A lot of the guys in this match have an advantage, Walker because he's a cowboy who is familiar with the use of ropes and lassos, so he's going to be a tough cookie to dump over the top rope. Dorien Arnaud has a great advantage as well as he is the veteran and the wild card out of the bunch, so he'll be suplexing guys out of their boots as well as being evasive and alert. Shamulua... well he's a witch doctor, he's going to use some sort of spell to win this match. Now on to the guys with disadvantages. Illuminati only has one eye, and everyone knows that two eyes is better than one. I think he's going to have a little trouble keeping an eye on the ball in this one as he has 5 other men to focus on at once! Slick Johnson could go over the top rope just by himself, as all that hair makes him top heavy, he might just topple over on his own! Damien Kain... is too normal for this match, and it will catch up to him. PREDICTION: The lasso master, Aaron Walker, will be able to overcome a veteran and witch craft. When you know the ropes, you're bound to win! K.DANGELO vs. JOOKIE MARLEY: Jookie is definitely the underdog in this match as he faces a much bigger and beastly K.Dangelo, who has been on quite an impressive role as of late. Ever since The Darkside disbanded, these two have been at odds and it hasn't been pretty, KD even went as far as injuring his former partner and friend! But Jookie has been resting up and depending on the power of the Rastafarian lifestyle to kick start him back into gear. Will the power of the leaf prevail? Or will Jookie be... Just... Another... Victim? PREDICTION: Just... Another... Victim! EX CHAMPIONSHIP TRIPLE THREAT: Justin Rockstar is pitted against his Precious Metal partner Judas Hallows and David Jackson. D-Jack had an unbelievable run as EX champ before having it jacked illegally by Haztard. Ever since then, D-Jack has been in a slump while The Rockstar has been zooming, he even defeated D-Jack last week on Riot. Judas Hallows hasn't been doing all that great as of late either, but I'm not saying Rox is going to win this match. I think his relationship with Judas is going to hinder him and in the end... PREDICTION: David Jackson reclaims what is rightfully his. TIBERIUS DUPREE VS. MATSUDA - CAGE MATCH: This is a classic in the making. Dupree is a technical expert who takes on the Japanese sensation. Put a cage around these guys and I for one expect fireworks. 'Nuff said! PREDICTION: Tiberius Dupree stands tall, as he's got THE FIRE! RYDER VS. REFS: This oughta be interesting to say the least. I won't go any further than my prediction. PREDICTION: Lots of laughs. FUTURE INVESTMENT: Dylan Jones was the first person to be entered into this match, he wanted it! Aside from him, you've got a vet that's been doing well for himself in Lucas Crowe, a man who has already won in impressive fashion in a ladder match against Cross in Cody Storm, and a man who lost a chunk of change to me and looks to regain it, Iceberg Le'Tuce. These guys have their own reasons for needing to win this match, Cody to continue his fast rise in OCW, Le'Tuce to balance his wages, Dylan Jones who has been gunning for this match from the beginning, and Lucas Crowe who came so close to being the number one contender back at Road to Glory. PREDICTION: Cody Storm dominated in his most recent ladder match, I think this is his match in more ways than one. AMBITION CHAMPIONSHIP: These two have one thing in common... they love SMORES! Lucas DimSMORE and Dale ErnSMORE look to be crowned the very first Ambition Champion after a long tournament that sees the two at the top. Dale has only lost one time in his young career, and that was to the before mentioned K.Dangelo. Lucas is just one small step for man behind, but if he can win this match he will take one giant leap for mankind ahead. I expect tit for tat in this match, these guys will be evenly matched. PREDICTION: This is a tough one, but Dale won't be stopped. STREAK VS. MONSTER: I know one man that wants to see the streak end, and that's Mr. Sensation. He started this mess when he sent Pato to do his bidding by destroying Leon and Smythe, and he knew if there was one guaranteed way to break the streak, it's in a 400+ lb. Samoan man eater. But recently, Leon has channeled Nate Ortiz by locking Pato in that STF, giving him a boost in momentum. PREDICTION: Pato's size and pure strength will prove too much for the streak to hold up. The momentum that Leon just started is going to be crushed by a brick wall and the streak ends on this night when a week before a streak continued (lol, i squeezed in a WrestleMania prediction). CAREER VS. BANISHMENT: Fausto has had this issue with Royce. I don't know what it is, maybe it's the Bentley name that gets on his nerves. Nonetheless, Fausto wants Royce's career and everyone on Ambition wants Fausto gone. PREDICTION: The seasoned veteran ends the career of Royce Bentley, and the son of Greatness shows that RD Money's genitalia frauded before the phrase was coined! WORLD TITLE MATCH: A lot of soap opera drama going on in this match. At Road to Glory, Parker threw Trevor off the cell and later on in the night, Dane sliced the Nate tattoo from Mayhem's chest. All three men that are gunning for the belt proved that they deserve to be in this match, and no I don't need to get over myself! I know this will be a good match because of the guys involved, I love facing Trevor as he is one of the most fair guys I've ever had the pleasure of facing, Parker and Mayhem are just the same. PREDICTION: No... no prediction for this match. GUARANTEE: I will walk out of Wrestlution your NEW OCW World Champion! BATTLE FOR CONTROL: The boss takes on the loud mouth, but I'm pretty sure Sensation wanted this. For months, he's been antagonizing Smythe, fining him and increasing the fine, taking away Smythe's personal patio overlooking the weekly arena, just bad mouthing the Wonder child. Eventually, Smythe had enough, getting back at the boss by putting his hands on him and Birdie. Now, 51% of control over this company is up for grabs, and Sensation seems ready and focused. I expect entertainment from this match, pure showmanship on both ends. My eyes will be glued to the screen as I watch this match. PREDICTION: I think Sensation has another trick up his sleeve, and he's not done playing mind games with Smythe. He will get the last laugh and play his final hand at Wrestlution and somehow, some way, pull out the victory. This preview has been paid for by the Dane Xavier Brand, Copyright 2011

I just don't understand your review...

Someone skims...

2 trips to the HD capture studio (which isn't that far away): $1 worth of gas ($7 depending on where you live) 31 cut images: 72 hours of procrastination and aggrivation seeing 11 beautiful cards come together like magic (made by me with help and ideas from Sensation): gratifying 1 great 'Lution: Priceless Sensational Edit: A mega thank you to douchy Dane, for putting in work in the clutch. Say what you will but the faggot gets results.

by the way, the 100MB limit seems to be the way to go.

The ME is labeled wrong. /checking the show for errors

Just trying to help out KD, I'll give the right theme from now on.

Godsmack... It worked for you before but you've evolved.

Dude, you wanted to go back to that Godsmack song...

What else can I say? KD straight up whooped me! He was on it with reversals, every time I'd reverse he'd get me right back. He's on a roll and I think he should keep that music I gave him!

The scene opens centered on Dane Xavier sitting in a throne. He is wearing a robe and looking at a Sherlock Holmes tobacco pipe that he holds in his hand. Dane $ Xavier: There's nothing in this thing... Meh, I don't smoke anyways. He puts the pipe in his robe pocket. Dane $ Xavier: I'd like to take this time to publicly apologize for what happened at my bank vault the other day, I didn't expect Mr. Rockstar to cause such a scene. Dane $ Xavier: But in my haste, I told him to go to Ambition and get himself a match. When he arrived to the show, he was kept out of the building by Management. Ha, serves him right for the way he raised his nose to me! Dane $ Xavier: But this week, I promise that he will compete on Riot, one way or another. I personally want to see someone knock the snot out of him, but if he pays up it's win-win! Double winning, perhaps triple winning if I can manage to defeat K.Dangelo! Dane $ Xavier: As for Mayhem... Nate... I'll cross those bridges when I get to them. WrestLution is just around the corner, but I still have a long road ahead. Dane sighs and his eyes shift away from the camera. Dane $ Xavier: Where's Jasmine when I need her?! The scene fades as Dane reminisces on his beautiful assistant.

Bumpity. LET'S DO THESE!

This week's edition of The Desk: Being hosted by the long lost Perry Saturn!

See?? You just proved that there are holes in your theory! FRAUD!

Funaki? Dane's level? A cheap 'no offense?' Not involving the HVY title? Disappointment? Just put a clown nose on this guy and call him Adrian Bold. I just got fucking trolled. I hate you Parker, your words sting. But really, FU FUCKIN NAKI? EAT A DICK!

bump :-)

The scene opens in front of large open vault where one man sits at a table writing down figures, let's call this man Nigel. Another man is inside moving money from one gigantic pile to another pile, let's call this man Sam. It seems as though they are counting the money as Sam wipes the sweat from his brow before turning to Nigel. Sam: I just can't figure out how Dane's money could have gone missing. There's no way it could have been stolen like it was when he was going to buy Casey Paine's services for the night. Nigel: Yes, it's very irritating. We've been counting this money for almost a month now and we've only counted it one and barely a half times! I hope we see some this money as a bonus in our pay checks. Sam begins moving money again while Nigel monitors and writes down the figures. Sam: Why do I have to do all the work? You're just sitting there! Nigel: I'm crunching numbers, this is very tedious work! Sam: But you ALWAYS crunch the numbers! Nigel: That's because I have a college degree and you're just stupid. Sam glares at Nigel and goes at him, but then Dane enters the scene and he stops in his tracks. Dane looks at Sam, then at Nigel, then back at Sam. Dane $ Xavier: What the hell is going on here? Why aren't you two working? Sam: I was just-- Dane $ Xavier: You're milking the clock aren't you? I thought you two were a little more reliable than that! Sam: Really, we were just-- Nigel: I apologize Dane, it's my fault. I antagonized the ol' pea brain. We've just been working for hours on end and nothing is being resolved! It's driving us stir crazy! Dane $ Xavier: I don't pay you guys to fight, that's MY job! Dane looks over the two average sized men who cower pathetically from Dane's anger. Dane takes in a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. Dane $ Xavier: You know what, I'm feeling a little generous today, so I'm going to go inside to take a look around for myself. Dane begins walking toward the vault. Dane $ Xavier: If you want something done right, you've got to do it yourself... or hire better workers! Dane goes inside the vault and looks around. Dane $ Xavier: Man, I have a lot more money than I did when I first came in here. Dane continues to look over his... earnings. He seems to be growing annoyed. Dane $ Xavier: I just don't get how money keeps disappearing! This place is secured around the clock, no one without permission can get in... wait a minute. Dane spots a pile of money in the corner of the vault, but this is no ordinary pile. Dane $ Xavier: Is there any reason why that pile is shaped like a small house? Sam: We thought you did that, and who are we to question it? We left it alone. Dane storms over to the small house built out of money and begins pushing it down. The entire thing collapses and something underneath beings to emerge from it. It's Justin Rockstar with a ziplock bag full of some sort of white powdery stuff. Justin Rockstar: Oh... hey there... boss... Dane folds his arms and stares a hole into Rockstar. He turns around and looks at Sam and Nigel who stand dumbfounded. Dane $ Xavier: Mind telling me how he got in here? Nigel: He said he was the custodian, and that his office was through the vault... oh... Sam elbows Nigel in the ribs. Sam: I told you there was something fishy about that! Dane face palms. Dane $ Xavier: You guys are worse at connecting dots than Adam Mikely. This should have been child's play for you Mr. college degree, and I'd expect a dumbass like you Sam, to at least be able to figure out that there's no such thing as a custodian's office through a vault! Nigel: Well... Sam: Uh... Dane $ Xavier: Save it, I'll deal with the two of you later. Dane turns to Rockstar who has his face buried in the bag of white powdery stuff. Dane clears his throat and it gets the attention of Rockstar, who pulls his face out of the bag and smiles with power all over his face. Dane $ Xavier: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't fire you right now. Shouldn't you be working on my new video? Rockstar reaches into the pile of money and pulls out a Mac Book Pro. Justin Rockstar: I'm on top of it! Dane begins taping his foot impatiently. Justin Rockstar: And... I just came in here for inspiration, I figured the smell of money was just the thing to get the creative juices flowing! Dane $ Xavier: I don't see how you can smell anything with all that stuff crammed up your nose. Dane looks at the bag in Rockstar's hand. Dane $ Xavier: That's an awful lot of product you've got there, must have cost you a fortune. How were you able to pay for it? You don't wrestle enough to be able to afford it, and I know I sure as hell don't pay you enough. Sam and Nigel can be heard snickering in the background. Justin Rockstar sighs. Justin Rockstar: I'll be honest... I used some of your money... But I just can't help it man! Justin hugs his bag of powder like a teddy bear. Justin Rockstar: I'm just so in love with Angie! Dane $ Xavier: Exactly what I thought. Dane begins pacing, seemingly deep in thought. Dane $ Xavier: I don't want to fire you because you're an excellent Digital Artist, and I know that all those drugs in your system make you do things that a sober person wouldn't do, so I'm going to let you off the hook on one condition. You go to Riot this week... no scratch that, I need my money back sooner than that. You go to Ambition this week, get yourself in a match and get a paycheck. Once you've received the money, you bring it directly to me! Justin stops hugging his... teddy bear. Justin Rockstar: And what if I don't? Dane $ Xavier: If you don't? I don't care how good of a Digital Artist you are, I'll fire you and make sure you never wrestle a match again, or never get booked in another gig! You know I have the power Justin, just look at what I did to Nathan Gaines. I paid off a doctor to put him on the injured list indefinitely and he hasn't been seen since. Justin Rockstar: Alright alright fine, I'll do it. Justin stumbles out of the pile of money and looks at Dane as he passes him. Justin Rockstar: I'll see you Sunday after I've won my match... something you can't seem to do anymore. Justin continues walking as Dane's face begins turning red in anger. The Rockstar looks at Sam and Nigel with a smile. Justin Rockstar: Everything here is ship-shape gentlemen! Good day! Justin tips his invisible hat to Nigel and Sam and exits the scene. Nigel: Wow, he's got balls... how does he do it? Dane $ Xavier: *sigh* Angie is a mean mean girl... or so I've heard... The scene fades on the three men who were just served by one strung out druggie.

Ohhhhh I'm in trouble...

I'm in as Goldberg

The show kicks off with Leon responding to Pato's recent actions, and it doesn't take long for the Samoan man eater to come out and start whooping on Leon. Pato and all of Lotus are fucking awesome. They're doing a great job of getting noticed as they've done a lot on Ambition and are carrying it over well to Riot. The future of OCW looks bright with these guys around and I like it when I see Leon and Pato mixing it up, they have original ideas that involve beat downs, which may be over done but it works in their situation. Jacob Trance is aware that his career could be over on this night and does a good job of showing it in his RP. Short, sweet, and to the point. D-Jack vs. Dorien Arnaud: Arnaud got his ass whooped, straight up. D-Jack must have hit like 5 sigs/fins, but everyone has their off weeks Dorien. You've been hot up until lately, keep your head up, you'll be alright. The RP with Ryder/Storm/Creed was creative and hilarious. I like how they used this platform to improvise for replacing their original matches. They really thought outside the box on this one and I mark for originality. Nice build for a TV title match. Guy Fausto returns to Riot and isn't happy with our simi-new GM. But I know Cash Creed knows what's good for business, his name says it all. I like Fausto coming back to Riot after goofing around on Ambition for months, this is a good way to get more people watching Ambition, especially me. TV TITLE: Cody Storm© vs. Chris Ryder: Cody Storm won the title last week and defends the belt that's been passed around like a fat blunt. This match was WAYYYYYYY too long! I could say that maybe FPR needs to be tweaked to repair the problem of long matches, but you never know how long a match will be, it could be 6 minutes or 36 minutes. These two seem to be evenly matched, but Storm is transitional and Ryder regains the TV Championship. This wasn't a bad match, it wasn't even sloppy for the length it was and for that I applaud the two of you. Good match. Something tells me that Smythe isn't too happy with Parker after he screwed him last week, maybe it's the bench press bar that Smythe is using to crush Parker's chest. Smythe's had a very different attitude ever since he started this thing with Sensation and I'm liking it. He's showing his badass side and steals Parker's 'suck it!' line. This does a great job of setting up the Main Event between these two along with what went down last week. These guys know how to build a Main Event! Chris Ryder is happy to have his TV title back, and I like how he uses the long match to blame the referee for having a slow count. He's doing a fine job of building his feud with... referees... It's funny and original at the same time, he's like OCW's Eric Young. Guy Fausto vs. Iceberg Le'Tuce: This is a very even match and Le'Tuce seems to have improved since I faced him, or maybe Fausto's just that bad. Either way, this match was great and I love the ending. Pato comes out, a member of Lotus invading yet another match. He knocks Le'Tuce out with a single punch and I had to laugh at Guy celebrating, only to have Pato turn his attention to him a split second later. Pato squashes Guybrush with a modified Samoan Drop (which actually doesn't look bad for a CAF) Before tossing the seasoned vet out of the ring. Pato is dominant and I can't wait to see if he can end Leon's streak at Lution. Tiberius Dupree is probably one of the most creative people in OCW right now, and the best babyface going today. His RP's are hilarious and full of charisma. He's great at talking shit about his foes and I hope he gets a Lution spot. This was a very good spot for him as he builds Ambition and his involvement. Keep up the great work, and don't stink up the joint while taking that Haz. Jacob Trance vs. K.Dangelo: Another great match, and the stipulations had me on the edge of my seat. It was obvious that both guys knew what the stakes were and were fighting their hearts out. Jacob wins and protects his job, while KD doesn't get another TV title shot and will probably take it out on Jookie. Interesting paths that this match creates. Smythe vs. Parker: Match of the Night by far. These guys are evenly matched and it seems Smythe has stepped his game up. But Parker's on a roll, he's on freaking fire! I thought Smythe might have him but Parker drops that devastating elbow to win it. That's why this is the Main Event, they built it from last week's shenanigans and the match was amazing. And to top it all off, Sensation comes down and is all business now. No limo, no billion dollar smile, just business. He seems to be hinting at a showdown with Smythe, or maybe he'll just have Pato come whoop his ass again. Either way, the boss has something in store for Smythe and I for one can't wait to see what it is. You never know what you're going to get when The Boss is involved. Final Thoughts: There seems to be a trend of a lack of RPs on pages 4 and 5, not just this week, every week. I wanted to see something from KD or Jookie, definitely wanted to see something from Trevor after his magnificent RP last week, but he just turned face and is letting it sit in for everyone and I like that. Other guys that were no where to be found: D-Jack, D.Jones, I wanted to see something from Le'Tuce as I'm intrigued by his last RP. All in all, this was a great show. The smoke is beginning to clear and we're starting to get a good look at what's to come at WrestLution. I can't wait for next week, keep up the good work everyone.

Yeah, this show seems to get us over that hill and seeing the landscape for Lution. I'll be reviewing.

If anyone needs their match recorded let me know, I'm pretty well available this week.

What's a Haz? /shameless attempt to bump thread