Cactus Gauge

Poster was sick. Love it. Going watch the show.

Scene opens up in a doctors office, with Cactus sitting on the table. There is a knock at the door and an older doctor walks in. Doctor: Mr. Gauge, very nice to meet you. Cactus: What it do Doc? Doctor: What seems to be the problem? Cactus: Something is wrong with my little man. Doctor: Your little man? Cactus: My baby maker. The doctor just stares at Cactus with a confusing look. Cactus: My beaver basher, my dipstick, my hog, my lap rocket, my heat-seeking moisture missile, my Mr. Knish, my piss weasel, my quiver bone, my thunderbird 3, my Wiener Schnitzel, my yogurt gun.... Cactus: My penis, doc - come on! Doctor: So what's wrong with it? Cactus: It burns when I pee and has a little red bump on the side. Doctor: Let's take a look at it. Cactus: Like, right here, right now? Doctor: Unless you have a better idea. Cactus reveals his manhood to the doctor who examine his patients problem area. Doctor: Are you sexually active? Cactus: Depends on how active you consider active? Doctor: Have you had sex in the past 2 weeks? Cactus: I have been. Two weeks ago. Crazy night back home in NOLA. Doctor: Ok, so we need to run an STD test. So I'll have a nurse who will come in here an help you. After the doctor walks out a beautiful young nurse walks in and hands Cactus a cup. Nurse: If you would, please fill this up as much as you can. I'll step out and just let me know when you're done. Nurse walks out and leaves Cactus to fill his cup. Cactus: Ok. Whew, let's do this. Where is some material to help get things going here. Cactus looks around for some 'material' to help get him 'started'. Cactus: Damn, what kinda place is this? Am I supposed to just use my imagination? Damn it. Whatever, let's get this over with. Cactus finishes pleasuring himself into his cup with the nurse had given him. Cactus: Ah, damn. That didn't take long. I can't just call her back in already. I mean, I am Cactus Gauge - I have a reputation to uphold. Cactus waits 10 minutes before calling the nurse back in. Nurse: All finished Mr. Gauge? Cactus: Yes ma'am, it's over there on the counter. The nurse walks over and picks up the cup. She stares at it for a few moments before placing it back down on the table. She picks it up again and shakes it and then places it back down again. Nurse: Mr. Gauge, is this what I think it is? Cactus: Of course it is - what else would you think it was? Nurse: Mr. Gauge, we only needed a urine sample! Cactus: Wait - what? The nurse hands Cactus another cup, looks him over, rolls her eyes and shakes her head as she walks out. Nurse: Fill this one up with a urine sample this time, please, Mr. Gauge. Scene fades to black as the nurse walks out of the room, leaving Cactus embarrassed and staring at his new cup in hand.

I love the new lay out also. Makes it look great.

That opening match and following RP's were classic. Great job. http://37.media.tumblr.com/69b4fa05381bf04d909632f39ee86ecc/tumblr_n5vzl8y4nj1tv4k5po1_400.gif

I am just kidding of course. kinda

Probably the grammar check.

I love the anticlimactic build up at the start.

Scene opens up in Gentleman Jacks Gym. Cactus, recently back from a quick trip home, is sitting down to a small TV to play some video games. Cactus: Why the hell is it so quiet around here during the week and what in the piss is there a wheelchair in here for? We trainin' paraplegics now? Cactus laughs to himself at the thought of Gentleman Jack having Big Ed toss a paralyzed man around the ring. Cactus: Aight lets get some games in before I hit the ring. Game loads up and Cactus jumps into a quick online game. Cactus being to furiously snap buttons as if they owe him money. After a few minutes, someone does something that infuriates Cactus. Cactus responds by slamming his controller and drop kicking the TV, followed by a punt across the room. Cactus: WHAT THE F&*#! Cactus: DON'T THESE DUMB#%! KNOW ABOUT FPR! Cactus: Infiltrating - damnit! Cactus calms himself. He glanced back at the TV laying smashed against the wall. Cactus: Don't be a d%#@. Cactus: Not a hard d#%! at least. Cactus seems to have a flashback after that statement. An unsavory one, because he shakes in discuss. Cactus: Ugh.... Cactus' cell phone beings to ring. Uncle Tee's name and number flash on the screen. Cactus knew what this was going to be about. Cactus: UNK! What's good? Muffled noise is the only answer back, followed by a fumbling of someone who doesn't quiet know how to operate two left hands. Cactus: Unk, you gots the phone upside down again. Flip it fam, flip it. Uncle T: MotherF#%@ son-of-a-#%@#$ this stupid s%@$ I just want to order a f$@# pizza. Cactus: Unk, can you hear me? Uncle T: Yello... Cactus: Can you hear me now? Uncle T: Who dar? Cactus: They call me Mr. Tibbs. Uncle T: Mr. Tits? Cactus: Tibbs! Never mind unk - it's Catcus, your nephew. Uncle T: Cactus? Cactus, I can't figure this piece of s#%@ newfamamablob of a phone you gave me. Im's hungry and want to order a g$@ d#@! pizza! Cactus: It aint hard, just open it, dial, put to your ear and talk. Uncle T: Speaking of hard, that reminds me.... Cactus: Figured. Uncle T: Who won's dat bet we's made? Cactus uncomfortably begins to stutter. Cactus: Ah, look unk, I am real busy right now. Um, I, ugh, I am training and stuff. Uncle T: She had a d$^@, dont's she? Cactus: I don't know unk. We went back to her place. Sat down over some drinks and we were talking. You know, whooty woooh and dis and dat and I ended up falling asleep. Uncle T: Asleep? You damn lie. You unwrapped that pickle, I know it. Now pay up! As Cactus was arguing with Uncle T, Nightmare walks through the gym - maskless and headed to his back room alone. He bumps Cactus on the way by. Cactus: Unk, I gots to let you go. I'll yell at you later - much love. As Cactus hangs up the phone and leans over to yell at Nightmare. Cactus: Yo Adrian! Where you been? Cactus: I get why he wore that mask. Bad 90's tats and a fat ass nose. That's probably why you not getting booked any more - business decision! Scene ends with Cactus trying to figure out what to do next. The thought of a maskless Nightmare around, Uncle T and his to-be-paid bet, and the mess from a raging gamer who couldn't control himself. Cactus: F#@* it, I'll just grab a pizza. Unk got me hungry now. Part 1: Quick Trip Home

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Ill get dem thirds

Great show. Those were some good qualifying matches.

Great graphic. GL everyone. http://mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/excited-baby.gif

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view5/1989590/dug-o.gif #doug it

I am out of mark outs for you, or you would have gotten one yesterday.

Welcome to the club. I am having hats made if you want one. Just send me what size you wear.

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I was waiting on Sophia to drop some bombs! http://static3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120602231450/random-ness/images/a/ac/Bullet_Bill_bomb.gif

I loved the show. I still have about 40 min to go, but man, some serious hammering on the dude Dennis.

Is there a 'to be continued' option on that vote?

Donated